Vacation? Break? Retirement?

I’ve been advised by my doctor to try to slow things down a bit. Immediately after the words left the doc’s lips, I told her I was planning the first ever live OARS workshop and meeting. “Ohhh…” she said… “Well… I want to support you in your endeavor to provide information to people involved in alcoholism, but would you at least consider taking a little break after the event?” I told her I would think about it. And I did think about it long and hard. And then I discussed it with my family. Here is the result of all that thinking and discussing.

For the past month I have not posted on the blog. I have not answered e-mails. I have only very marginally been active in the support groups. I have taken a break from all things alcoholism. The only exception is that I held the workshop event as planned.

I’m feeling refreshed, renewed, relaxed and can see how all the alcohol related activities have been sources of stress. I’m also feeling guilty. I’ve gone back over my (130+) e-mails and I’m concerned that I can’t address each one individually. I feel guilty because I did not respond to them in a timely manner. I’m going to try to respond to the running current theme of the messages on my next post. Hopefully, that can help several people at a time without each receiving an individual response.

In the OARS Family and Friends Group, I always stress the need for the family and friends to find a way to have a productive and satisfying life outside of the alcoholic chaos. Call it detachment if you want. I call it survival. The goal of the group should be that the member finds strength enough to stand on their own and be confident in their own decisions. The goal should be that they not NEED the group so much but are able to give their insight to others who are still in need.

Personally, helping others through the alcoholic maze has been a means of survival. I found strength in helping others survive. Doing research and posting the results, participating in OARS discussions, writing my own life journey (The Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife—available on Smashwords),reviewing books by new authors, and finding new means of reaching out, have all been a part of my route to survival. It has been expensive, not just financially, but emotionally and physically. Oh, there’s so much more I would like to do – but my financial, emotional and physical budgets seem to be running tight these days.

At first, when I agreed to this little vacation, I thought… so what am I supposed to do? Sit around and watch QVC and re-runs of Oprah? Get fatter from trying all the recipes on cooking shows? The idea of this did not make me happy. I couldn’t imagine not having anything to do. I promised my kids that I would take some time to see how retirement feels. I said I would “try it on for size.” So I would see it through to the best of my ability.

It took some effort on my part to focus only on the event and nothing else. When the event was not as big of a hit as I had hoped, I took it as a sign. I cleaned my office. I cleaned my bedroom. I took naps. I watched SpongeBob Square Pants the Movie nine million times with my great-grandson. I scanned family photos. I enjoyed watching the sunrise and began sleeping better. I realized that I didn’t NEED the alcohol related work as much as I thought I did. I discovered that I didn’t do it because I needed to but rather because I wanted to do it. However, I want to go zip-lining and hang-gliding, but know it is probably not something I should do.

I’m not retiring this blog. I’m still going to be posting here. I’m still going to try to address concerns of those who write to me. But things are changing. I will no longer be able to answer each and every e-mail. Instead, I will continuously offer the link for joining the OARS support group. (http://oarsffgroup.ning.com/?xgi=4R6sAeUek4uZ9X ) That’s my recommendation for being one of the  best sources of support for people involved in alcoholic insanity. But, you won’t find me there as often as I have been in the past. I will lurk… interject… just not so often.

One of my goals has been the formation of OARS as a non-profit organization. I’m no longer pursuing that goal. Instead I have (and will continue) to encourage the members to go forward with that project and make OARS non-profit a reality. I will be here to support and advice, but cannot take on the responsibility of such a long-term commitment. This endeavor needs someone who can commit to several years of getting it off the ground – someone younger and in better health than I. There are several people within the group who truly want this to happen and are willing to make sacrifices to see it happen, but they all have regular jobs and time limitations.

If anyone who reads this is interested in helping with sponsorship or mentoring or taking on the task – please contact me and I’ll put you in touch with the people who are actively trying to make a go of keeping OARS going and turning it into something as big as we all think it can be.

I’m not sure about continuing with the workshops. I haven’t made that decision yet and unless I get another grant – I don’t have the money to do it up right.

I’m not retiring. I’m just taking a step back. I’m finding, or rediscovering, other uses of my time. I’m writing another book containing real-life stories of people who have walked in the shoes of loving an alcoholic. (If you have a story you want to share, please e-mail it to me.) I’m collaborating with two other family members to write my family history book. I’ve promised a family cookbook with my Mom’s recipes – time to make good on that promise.  I rediscovered my passion for writing when I began this blog. It’s time to use and expand that passion. It’s time to take my own advice.

Please contact me at immortalalcoholic@gmail.com if you can provide any of the following:

1)      Guest post for the blog with new information or insight;

2)      Help in making OARS a non-profit organization;

3)      Have a story you would like to see in my next book (all stories are identity-protected);

4)      Suggest a topic for a blog posting.

Thank you for being my faithful readers. Thank you for providing me support and encouragement. Thank you.