Kelsey Brown of Nova Recovery Center contacted me about doing a post on the roles family members often play in an alcoholic family. While there are a few things in this write-up that do not match my point of view, I like what Kelsey has written. Since it's a long write up, this post will be shown in a series of three separate posts. I won't confuse the issue by writing in between the posts. However, when the last one is published, I will write a post giving my feelings / differences with Kelsey's post.
PART ONE
Guest Post by
Families generally seek balance, even in the
chaos of addiction. When a spouse, sibling, or child is suffering from
addiction, family members often take on dysfunctional survival roles to reduce
stress, conflict, and anxiety at home. In the face of addiction, this
roleplaying is a feeble attempt to control the chaos. But in the end, loved
ones only end up hiding the truth from themselves, their children, and their
friends.
Playing
the “hero” is a common coping mechanism for some people when they are struggling
to function in a household that is choked by addiction.
In an environment that is defined by instability and hostility, playing the
hero may seem like the only way to cope. However, playing the hero is a
short-term solution that will inevitably backfire and cause even more conflict,
disconnect, and disruption of the family unit.
How Families Cope with Addiction:
Family Survival Roles
When addiction is involved, family members
often take on one of six different roles. According to the National Association
for Children of Alcoholics, these roles include:
●
The Addict: This person is the drug or alcohol
abuser. They are generally at the center of all the conflict within the family
unit and much of the attention is placed on this person because of their substance
abuse.
●
The Mascot: This person uses humor to deal
with the conflict and tension in the family due to the addict’s behaviors.
Though their humor is often intended to lighten the mood and help other family
member’s cope, often it makes things worse and may even keep the addict from
taking recovery seriously and getting the help they need.
●
The Scapegoat: This person draws attention
away from the addict by acting out, often in the form of rebelling. This is
harmful to the family because it diverts the focus away from the real problem:
the addict’s behavior.
●
The Lost Child: This person is often quiet and
reserved, never talking about the addict’s behavior or the possibility of
recovery. They usually give up their own needs and fly under the radar,
purposely avoiding any conversation about their own role in the family unit or
the roles of others.
●
The Caretaker: This person is the enabler,
although their intention is most often just to maintain the balance within the
family unit. They may make excuses for the addict’s behaviors, cover up for
them, and attempt to keep everyone else happy in the process. They try their
hardest to make sure the family problems never leave the walls of the home, so
neighbors and community members don’t see the dysfunction.
●
The Hero: The hero is usually a perfectionist
and they want to make everyone in the family look good. They cover up for the
addict’s mistakes and do everything they can to make the family appear
“normal.” Their primary goal is to keep things positive and ignore the
unhealthy roles other family members have taken on to cope with the addiction.
These six roles tend to oppose each other,
causing more family conflict and turmoil and exacerbating the addiction problem
of the addict. Family members adopt these roles for basic survival, which may
temporarily reduce stress, but the addiction and the anxiety surrounding it
often remains. Additionally, these roles can gradually become codependent
behaviors, which continue to fuel the fire of addiction.
Other issues can exacerbate the conflict
within the family, worsen the addiction, and make these roles even more
complex. Such issues may include:
●
Financial problems
●
Resentment about drug problems,
marital affairs, jealousy, etc.
●
Personality conflicts
●
A death in the family
Although each role plays an important part in
the dysfunction of addiction in families, in this article, we’ll strictly focus
on the hero, and the impact this role has on the family unit and the person
fulfilling it.
1 comment:
There is a possible role that is missing. In a nuclear family (and speaking from example) the scapegoat carries the fault from the enabler/hero and caregiver (which in my case was the same person). All the anger and frustration was projected onto me tho I tried to help and was forced to keep the secret and cover for it in a multitude of ways.
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