Survive by decision

Surviving while being in the hot coals of an alcoholic relationship requires a lot of jumping around while trying to keep your feet from feeling the heat for more than a few seconds. It’s tiring and painful. But no matter what you do you MUST survive.

The act of surviving doesn’t stop when the alcoholic exits the picture. You haven’t reached your goal until you can say that you have a life of your own and that it is a life that you enjoy. When someone asks you if you are happy and you hesitate before answering, you have probably not finished your survival journey at that moment.

What defines accomplishing your goal? When you can wake up in the morning and not listen for sounds that indicate potential chaos. When you can feel safe in your own space. When you look forward to holidays and events. When you can laugh and cry without feeling guilt. When you don’t hesitate in answering the happiness question with a resounding—YES! That’s when you know that you survived despite the roadblocks thrown up by the alcoholic and other people.

How? Is that what you are asking yourself? The first thing is to set yourself a goal to be happy. It’s a long-term goal and won’t be attainable in an instant. But it is the first step.

The next step is to DECIDE to be happy. Setting a goal and making a decision are not the same thing. Deciding to be happy doesn’t mean you will be happy every minute of every day. But you can decide to be happy about certain things in each day. You may be happy that there is coffee or that it didn’t rain today. When you find something that makes you happy, say out loud – “This coffee is so good that it makes me happy.” “I’m very happy that it didn’t rain today.” Declare your happiness. Eventually you’ll find that you’re happy more than you are NOT happy.

That will give you a start but there is much more to learn and accomplish. See if this makes sense to you:

You are in a war. Your opponent/enemy is chaos and turmoil created by alcoholism. How would you go about defeating your enemy? In knowledge there is power. Learn everything you can about alcoholism so you will be armed with the knowledge of intimately knowing the foe.

You can amass a wealth of knowledge from reading my books “Workbook for Caretakers of End-Stage Alcoholics” and “Surviving the Chaos.” (Books are available on Amazon.com) Read AA’s the Big Book so you know what AA is teaching the alcoholic. Do your research. I have found that Wikipedia has a lot of good non-biased information.

Talk it out – avoid using your friends to guide you instead seek the support of a counselor or coach. Make sure that the person you are talking to is focused on you and not on how you can help the alcoholic. I offer coaching sessions, a listening ear, and a bunch of hand-holding without criticisms or judgement.

My coaching sessions are different from a regular counseling appointment. I charge $30 per session. They are an hour long but the hour is open-ended. I will not end the appointment until YOU are comfortable with the end. If an issue / emergency arises before your next session you will have the opportunity to call me without paying an additional fee. In short that $30 payment secures you a lifeline between sessions. Another advantage is that I will do my best to make myself available during a time frame that fits your needs. 

Can't afford the $30? Talk to me and we will come to a price agreement.

To schedule an appointment, send me an e-mail to LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com or LDoyne@live.com. Please put COACHING in the subject line so it doesn’t get lost.

It’s a brand new fresh year with lots of possibilities and opportunities. Make this the year where you stop just “getting through” and start enjoying the life you can have.