tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post2019587428435958594..comments2024-01-01T15:38:28.710-05:00Comments on The Immortal Alcoholic: Surviving the Chaos: Co-dependent -- a dirty word?Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-19729218163784063042015-10-29T22:35:14.141-04:002015-10-29T22:35:14.141-04:00Did one of the hardest things today for my husband...Did one of the hardest things today for my husband, I called to get Hospice care started. No he isn't on his deathbed but I see the progression daily! He is still able to work which surprised the nurse. I never dreamt I would be doing that for my 47 year old husband. He drinks daily and the high ammonia levels are really having a effect on memory. I can only give his insulin in the stomach as he has so much muscle wasting People don't understand 😞 Teresanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-70475721478337141582015-10-29T16:31:10.451-04:002015-10-29T16:31:10.451-04:00I really liked your blog and we do share similar o...I really liked your blog and we do share similar opinions so you should check my blog as well and tell me if you want to discuss anything. My blog A-WAY if about life and death and everything in between. http://beatrizfo5.wix.com/a-wayAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04462287233664682372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-86778803060312785572015-10-29T11:57:50.180-04:002015-10-29T11:57:50.180-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Gabriele Goldstonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04481625919437738131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-75021569252228138082015-10-29T10:05:52.248-04:002015-10-29T10:05:52.248-04:00Very interesting post. Co-dependency is often look...Very interesting post. Co-dependency is often looked at as a negative thing when in reality everyone must be slightly co-dependent unless in complete isolation. Thanks for the post. Home Detox South Africahttp://www.homedetox.co.zanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-77637443916567888002015-10-27T23:30:17.481-04:002015-10-27T23:30:17.481-04:00The label co-d isn't supposed to make you feel...The label co-d isn't supposed to make you feel attacked. I am an adult child of an end-stage alcoholic, and I read melody beattie's "co-dependent no more" about 6 years ago. It saved my life. I was able to free myself from the burden of always being the one in control of everything and everyone. What a blessing to be reminded that we are only in control of ourselves! We cannot help those who do not help themselves. So try not to think of the term co-d as an insult. Use it to remind yourself that you can be free of everyone else's issues. Afterall, it's not your problem!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15475218707751212210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-368468105490816242015-10-27T11:31:32.748-04:002015-10-27T11:31:32.748-04:00Does Riley have Medicare? Is there a Hospice cent...Does Riley have Medicare? Is there a Hospice center he could reside in, beyond mere respite? Medicare may cover the cost of something like that. You could visit him daily, or not, and still know his care needs are being met. <br /><br />I think co-dependency includes the feeling of needing to be needed and Riley, even in his dementia, can expertly manipulate that need in you (and not so much in the case of a professional nurse). It only sounds like a dirty word because it insinuates there is something perverse about enjoying aspects of being needed. But it is a very human thing to feel purpose and meaning as a caregiver. <br /><br />I understand why you would push back on labeling. There is nothing wrong with being a caregiver, it is a gift to your children and to society that you have done this for so long but if you have pneumonia maybe it is time to gently set this burden down. If only because we are not immortal, and there may be other, more joyful and rewarding tasks you could perform if only you had the time, energy and adequate sleep.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-77027669985352224952015-10-26T20:01:55.050-04:002015-10-26T20:01:55.050-04:00I agree. I just found your website last night aft...I agree. I just found your website last night after leaving my dad's and googling "end stage alcoholism". I do not think of myself as co dependent but I have heard that term at al anon when I went. I'm not dependent on him but he is dependent on me in some ways.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks for making me see that not all children of alcoholics are co dependent. My dad's REAL drinking started slowly after mom died 18 years ago although it reared its ugly head during mom and dad's marriage a few times. Then in Jan. 2011 his last sister died, then in Oct. 2011 my youngest brother died from the varices (I guess, he had schizophrenia and self medicated he was 49). In June 2012 my older brother died from diabetes complications but he drank beer for years too). So, he's depressed but he isn't one to go to the doctor so his drinking has continued to get worse and worse. Now his memory is shot, he is gaining belly weight and looks like he's losing muscle. He is getting a bulbous nose and is having slips in reality. I don't know how long this can go on but I'm not sure I can allow myself to be dragged into it by moving in with him to be his caregiver.<br />Thanks for "listening". He has all his necessary papers done and I am POA. But I know if I try to do anything he will fight me on it.Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09523682105949261248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-18658375930254374132015-10-26T19:49:43.048-04:002015-10-26T19:49:43.048-04:00I just found your website last night. I googled e...I just found your website last night. I googled end stage alcoholism. My dad is the alcoholic, he's 86, and I am his only surviving family (with exception of grandkids). He lives alone and my husband and I travel 90 minutes every other weekend (usually, sometimes a lot more) to help him care for his acre of land and his home.<br /><br />I have been to alanon meetings which have helped but I also have heard the term co dependent and I wondered about it. I am not dependent on him in any way. I do buy his alcohol when I am there simply because I don't want to fight and I don't want him on the road any more than he is.<br /><br />I don't know where to get answers. Maybe there aren't any. He needs help but he won't hire any. He is the stubborn kind. I just turned 59. I have RA and can't do the physical work that I used to. Plus I am just tired. We have been going to his house for 18 years (since mom died) and helping. Now we can't/don't want to because we are tired and don't want to use up our health helping him. He needs someone to yard work, house work, some cooking and he has the money to pay for it but he won't do it. It's depressing to go there. The house smells and the yards are unkept and he hoards stuff (outside mostly: tools, lawn mowers, just junk). He is having weird symptoms too. He's losing touch with reality (thinks my dead brother is there and he walked around looking for him; he thought my mom should have been in the house, he thought my husband and I were there and were looking for us. He confuses me with my niece; mid conversation.<br />I don't want to move in with him but what else can be done if he won't allow help?<br />JanetJanethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09523682105949261248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-45713570692795852792015-10-26T08:08:49.930-04:002015-10-26T08:08:49.930-04:00Great post. My husband and I took very good care ...Great post. My husband and I took very good care of each other before he retired and spiraled downward. We depended on each other and I believe that is healthy and normal. Having no experience with such a situation, I believed that it was just a matter of will power, not realizing the physical dependency that develops with alchohol nor the psychological and physical damage it causes. Reading about alcholism, I was struck by the fact that we spouses are damned if we do and damned it we don{t. As the wife of an alcholic who subsequently died by going cold turkey, I spent my days in fear and pure survival mode. Knowing our lives no longer had any future, like a bad Groundhog Day. It was paralizing. When we are young, we naively think every problem has a solution. As adults, we realize that this is sadly and painfully not true.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-78061015562920475682015-10-25T21:35:23.875-04:002015-10-25T21:35:23.875-04:00This is so true! I am thankful you put this into w...This is so true! I am thankful you put this into words for others to read. I have been labeled a co dependent of my husband, but I am responsible for his actions if he gets in my vehicle and hurts himself or someone else just because I wouldn't get his beer for the night.I feel it is better safe than sorry, he is going to drink if I want him to or not!Teresanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-19144571036113854022015-10-25T05:47:04.279-04:002015-10-25T05:47:04.279-04:00Great post Linda and your last sentence says it al...Great post Linda and your last sentence says it all. We shouldn't label each other. I have tried and tried to make sense of the word co-dependent and just can't. True there are some people who enable the alcoholic in their life but they are probably natural enablers - it's in their personality to do so - they probably 'enable' everyone they meet. You said it all at the end of your post - we just shouldn't label each other.Bevnoreply@blogger.com