tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67594210792791720442024-03-23T08:37:49.938-04:00The Immortal Alcoholic: Surviving the ChaosThis blog reinforces that there is life after spending a decade of being a non-alcoholic person married to an end-stage alcoholic. You will still find posts from the original Immortal Alcoholic but the new direction is that of SURVIVNG after the chaos. You will still find useful insight and facts concerning the complexities of being a part of an alcoholic's collaterally danaged.Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.comBlogger473125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-24878749326662570552022-10-11T12:19:00.000-04:002022-10-11T12:19:38.073-04:00The birth of Temporarily Dead <p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> <span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’m</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> happy to announce my next step in my journey to recovery. I have published my mystery novel that has nothing to do with alcoholism. Well... that may not be exactly true. The inspiration for the book was </span><span class="NormalTextRun SpellingErrorV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlSpellingErrorV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">from one</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> of Riley’s statements.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: windowtext; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></p><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{3504424e-f4ff-4915-8379-f5e0a4d9c2e2}{252}" paraid="872602698" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Before I started this blog and before I became Riley’s caregiver, he met up with some old friends, the Smith’s, from the Navy years. We had spent a lot of time with them and even shared a house with them for </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">a short time</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. During that time, we were all </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">very good</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> friends. The guys were at sea about 50% of the time so it was comforting to have a friend who was going through the same ordeal.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{163}" paraid="2082382131" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{cf17ad21-bd65-458d-b67b-b79490d9c168}{51}" paraid="274392151" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Upon seeing this couple at the mall, the normal “How are you?’ questions were thrown around. One of them asked “How’s Linny and the kids?” Without hesitation Riley blurts out “She’s dead.” The next words out of his mouth were that it was </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">really great</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> seeing them again and they had to get together more often.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{174}" paraid="852700515" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{ae858583-5c68-41f8-a2e8-6ad67b1b75ff}{147}" paraid="434818292" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Shocked, Mr. Smith grabbed Riley’s arm and said, “Wait a minute! What do you mean ‘she’s dead?’ What happened? When did she die?”</span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{185}" paraid="1190194121" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{4e7890d0-a938-495b-b865-eae626f27e45}{49}" paraid="61670885" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">Riley calmly replied, “She was in a car accident. My grandson was in the car, but he was OK. It happened a couple of years ago.” Riley then turned and walked away.</span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{5c72b7cf-f182-4459-8151-5d1c60c96fc0}{39}" paraid="454217320" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{5c72b7cf-f182-4459-8151-5d1c60c96fc0}{58}" paraid="329195119" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">The </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Smiths</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> were stunned at both the fact that I was dead, and that Riley was so nonchalant about the whole thing. They mourned my death “after the fact.”</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{196}" paraid="1073947656" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{28613cc1-05d4-4288-a062-76dcd8173284}{214}" paraid="631420445" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Fast </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">forward</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> several years. </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I am</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> now Riley’s caregiver, have started writing the blog and collaborating with HBO on the documentary “Risky Drinking.</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">”</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> I had several books published. If my name were “googled” a whole page of articles about me would come up.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{207}" paraid="277865346" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{72c83943-65a3-4d3b-9f30-6b60914d6960}{79}" paraid="1545239260" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Mrs. Smith was doing some research on alcoholism and found the Immortal Alcoholic blog. She did a little more research and discovered the HOB documentary. She </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">couldn’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> believe what she was seeing. Her next step was to see if I was on Facebook. She found me. I got a private message that day asking if I was Riley’s wife.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{218}" paraid="918895105" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{c8d44ee2-0fce-402d-960d-01775e970793}{2}" paraid="372979996" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">We had a long talk after the </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">initial</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> shock of my being </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">really alive</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. she was relieved to discover that reports of my death had been </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">greatly exaggerated</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. Once we re-connected it became a standing joke that I would call and let her know that I was still alive.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{231}" paraid="1126000275" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{37583692-25f1-4a7a-b636-8692d210705b}{235}" paraid="2118707704" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Mr. and Mrs. Smith talked about how that would be </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">a good story</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> line. I agreed but thought I could just use the idea and not the actual events to create an interesting mystery. The idea rattled around in my head for more than a year. I wrote a short draft and called it “Temporarily Dead.” I had it reviewed by a professional editor and his advice was to “keep going.” </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">So,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> I did.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{244}" paraid="1231432448" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{86bf97b3-7570-4bce-b10f-17835c052267}{39}" paraid="97994684" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">“Temporarily Dead” has evolved over the past couple of years and </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’m</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> happy for the non-alcoholic route the of story line. </span><span class="NormalTextRun AdvancedProofingIssueV2Themed SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-image: var(--urlAdvancedProofingIssueV2, url("data:image/svg+xml;base64,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")); background-position: left bottom; background-repeat: repeat-x; border-bottom: 1px solid transparent; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">It’s</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> centered around, Sara Jane Miller, a woman who is in a car accident and has lost her short-term memory. While working through her memory issues, she discovers that the world thinks she is dead.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{149d2b54-e40e-4988-8748-d1b9b69a521b}{2}" paraid="752452060" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{b4d7ef99-d1c2-48dc-8482-17ac22270766}{71}" paraid="1171375166" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US">I hope you will read this murder mystery novel and enjoy a break from alcoholism chaos. </span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{149d2b54-e40e-4988-8748-d1b9b69a521b}{15}" paraid="401848695" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{65}" paraid="1745609973" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun EmptyTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"></span><a class="Hyperlink SCXW233713147 BCX8" href="https://www.amazon.com/Temporarily-Dead-Linda-Bartee-Doyne-ebook/dp/B0BGPXSRPD/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1665504671&refinements=p_27%3ALinda+Bartee+Doyne&s=books&sr=1-1" rel="noreferrer noopener" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none; user-select: text;" target="_blank"><span class="TextRun Underlined SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="none" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; color: #0563c1; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: underline; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-charstyle="Hyperlink" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">https://www.amazon.com/Temporarily-Dead-Linda-Bartee-Doyne-ebook/dp/B0BGPXSRPD/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1665504671&refinements=p_27%3ALinda+Bartee+Doyne&s=books&sr=1-1</span></span></a><span class="TextRun EmptyTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":0,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; user-select: text;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW233713147 BCX8" lang="EN-US" paraeid="{fad2d043-686c-4620-8736-71926ca1f893}{108}" paraid="1853108481" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="TextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none !important; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;" xml:lang="EN-US"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW233713147 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"></span></span><span class="EOP SCXW233713147 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"134233117":false,"134233118":false,"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559685":0,"335559737":0,"335559738":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-family: Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-90196037218554094092022-02-17T23:11:00.000-05:002022-02-17T23:11:02.962-05:00<p><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b> Plant happiness in your garden</b></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="307" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KiwQocFD1EU" width="498" youtube-src-id="KiwQocFD1EU"></iframe></div><p class="MsoNormal">A friend of mine can grow literally ANYTHING. I bought an
orchid thinking “How hard can it be to keep it alive? Surely I can do this.”
Well, after it shriveled up, I sent it over to my friends to see if she could
resurrect some life. She did just that. The next time I saw the plant it was
healthy and blooming. Imagine that! Some loving time and attention was able to
turn this dead-like plant into a living breathing beauty.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If only she could do the same thing with real human life.
But, it isn’t her responsibility to do that for me or anyone else. It’s my
responsibility to turn my life into something that makes me happy. It’s not as
easy as that sounds. First there’s the figuring out what makes me happy thing. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When Riley died I floundered around for a couple of years. I
had no idea what direction to go. What I thought would happen didn’t come
through. After a while, I knew that I wanted to move to Florida. But, at that
time, I had a job that I loved and a stable income that I could take with me
when I moved. I had friends in Florida and I wanted to be close to them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now, it’s been almost two years since I moved and I’m back
in the position of trying to do what makes me happy. I find myself without a
job and I know what I would like to do as a job but, I can’t make the kind of
money I need just by doing what I want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What I want is to be creative and find a regularly paying job using my
creative talents is far and few between.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That being the case, I have to re-evaluate what makes me
happy. I have to take it to the very bare bones. What makes me happy is being
self-sufficient and financially secure. So, although I want a job writing blog
posts or as a seamstress, I’ll take some other kind of job. I’ll takea job that
gives me a regular means to make my car payment and put food in my doggie’s
dish. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of course, there are other things that make me happy. I’m
happy for what I have currently such as: several solid sister-like friendships;
a loving but crazy family; and a man who supports and accepts me in spite of my
out-of-the box personality. I have awesome neighbors and I live in a
resort-like community.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">However, I have found that “happiness” can be as cyclic as waves
from the Gulf onto the beach. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find
myself struggling to keep all those “happiness” things mentioned above in my
forethought when my mind gets focused on the negative. That’s when I wish my
Florida Vegetable blogger would come and pour some fertilizer on my positive
thoughts. Fortunately, I have that man who sorts through all the garbage and
finds a blooming flower and reminds me that it exists.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Everyone has to define what “happiness” to them is and what makes
your mental is flowers bloom. I believe a good start is taking a self-inventory
and recognize what you do that makes you happy and what you do that you are
happy that you are able to do. I’m happiest when I can pay my bills, but that’s
not the true crux for what makes me happy. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What makes me happy is seeing my grandchildren smile when
they video-chat with me. I’m happy when my dog lays her head in my lap and
wants me to pet her head. I’m happy when I can help someone using knowledge
that they may not have. I’m happy when my man smiles when he walks in my door
and hugs me so tight I can barely breathe. I’m happy when I can make people
laugh. I’m happy when I don’t have to “keep myself in line” and always be
lady-like. I’m happy when I can design and sew something that looks great. I am
very happy when I can write something that people enjoy reading.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you’re trying to sort all this out for yourself, take
your time and give yourself permission to think inwardly about your true
feelings for what you do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could ask
my gardener friend, but she can only help you grow your garden, it’s up to you
to grow your mind.<o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p><br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-47151183788212345392022-01-24T15:04:00.000-05:002022-01-24T15:04:28.292-05:00<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="386" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fYeW0yVRY2s" width="465" youtube-src-id="fYeW0yVRY2s"></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><b> You Cant Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd</b></span><p></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">When Riley, the Immortal Alcoholic, became mortal and left
me to a world that that was not immersed in drunken madness, I was surprised to
find that I missed the chaos. I had grown so accustomed to balancing everything
around me on a tray strategically placed on my open palm while roller skating
around obstacles and maintaining my own sanity. Looking back, I can see that I often
failed at the sanity part.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I floundered around for a few years while trying to figure
out what my purpose was in life now that caregiving Riley was no longer in my
job description. Many loving people in my life offered just as many suggestions
concerning my future. I continued to work in the world of alcoholism and became
a Peer Recovery Support Specialist. But did not get a job with that speciality.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I did a little coaching and joined forces with my good
friend and mentor, Gill Haddock of Broadstreet Counseling Services. He
encouraged me to put together a workshop on Surviving the Chaos. The planning
was going well and just before I signed the venue contract, we got some
devastating news that Gill was very ill. He could no longer be a part of the
workshop except to encourage me. The program we designed required his presence
and action. So we cancelled the event. Gill died last year.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Quality Outsource came along and offered me a job as an
independent contractor. I was elated and began working for the company in
administrative support. It’s a small company and I was encouraged to learn as
much about it as I could. However, I’m preparing for my retirement and slowing
down on my work hours.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">OK… so… really…. I mean really in all actually, I don’t
think I could ever be completely retired. My brain doesn’t work that way. I
must have stuff to do and not just crocheting while watching game shows. I
write a lot and I spend a lot of time sewing. I look for interesting ways to
decorate – redecorate – my apartment. But, I need to earn money to maintain the
lifestyle that I prefer.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My point is that even though you may become free of the
alcoholism part of your life, things don’t just simply fall into place. There
are decisions to be made. You’ll be faced with deep soul-searching as to what
you want to do with your life. Sometimes you may have to learn exactly “who”
you are because you may not recognize yourself without all the baggage you’ve
been hauling around.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now that I’ve spent a few years away from this blog, I now
feel that I have something to share that you may be able to use. This blog is
evolving. Surviving will be the focus. Look for changes each time you come here
because you may see something you haven’t seen before. Look for things here
that you might not expect, such as, short stories, guest posts from a variety
of professionals. It’s all still in the formation stage in my mind. It will
come out slowly. But for now… enjoy what’s here. Grab a cup of tea, settle back
and take a little tour around what’s here.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">By the way, I’m open to suggestions. Drop me an e-mail and
give me something to consider. <o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-18445558216161317552022-01-20T17:44:00.000-05:002022-01-20T17:44:24.082-05:00<p><b><i><span style="font-size: large;"> It's Alive!</span></i></b></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="352" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0VkrUG3OrPc" width="527" youtube-src-id="0VkrUG3OrPc"></iframe></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">It’s a miracle! I resurrected this blog! I stuck a jumper
cable to it and I think it’s starting to show signs of life. Actually, a lot of
you have been coming back, checking in, e-mailing me, and perhaps, re-reading
some of my posts. Thank you for that.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although this blog is STILL the Immortal Alcoholic, there
will be some changes to update the style and a few other things. I hope you
will like the fresh approach and continue to support me by reading and
commenting.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ll still be accepting guest bloggers while expanding the
subject range. Tell me about what you do or what you would like to do for fun
and entertainment. Do you have a favorite movie, book, food, restaurant? Tell
me about it. Let’s see if we can open up some topics/subjects that will invite
some dialog. But let’s stay away from the political mumble jumble that has most
of us in a tizzy these days. We all have an opinion and we all think we are
right. There’s no need to re-hash what’s been hashed to pieces.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A brief update on Linda – me! I’m in the sunny state of
Florida and am happier than a frog on a lily pad in the middle of a pond in the
deep south. I’m living proof that there is life AND happiness when the chaos
settles and peace is allowed in the house.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I know you are all curious – YES! I’m about two years into a
relationship with a man who cares more about me than he does about what’s in
his drinking glass. Imagine that! He worries about me and holds the car door
open for me. He allows me the – no—he encourages me to be the best of whatever
it is I want to be. Believe me, that can change hourly. He accepts me as I am.
There are no conditions to his caring. He just does. I didn’t know that men
like him existed. If he exists, there must be others out there.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Employment is still on my plate. Although, I now work as an
independent contractor rather than an employee. Currently I’m writing a
procedure manual for the company. I love this job, the people I work for and
the sense of usefulness I get when I’m able to make a difference.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Temporarily Dead </i></b>is a mystery novel that has been in my
computer for quite some time now. It has now graduated to being on my desktop
and available for editing and re-writing. It will be out to the public in
November. I may, from time to time, post snippets of the story on this blog.
This will give you an opportunity to decide if you might like to buy the book
and read it from cover to cover.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There will be re-writings of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife</i></b>
and several of my other books. Watch for those announcements here.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Look to this blog for a variety of information designed to
provide support for all of those who have been, or is currently, collaterally
damaged by alcoholism. While most of what I provide is relevant to any
addiction, my main focus is on alcoholism.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Please leave your comments, especially the ones telling me
what YOU would like to see on this site.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Till next time!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Script MT Bold"; font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Linda<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-37315637820727805512020-11-19T17:33:00.001-05:002020-11-19T17:33:26.502-05:00Rest In Peace<p> I wanted to revive this blog. I wanted to come back to it and post about life after having spend 30+ years in the insanityt of alcohol.</p><p>That's not going to happen.</p><p>For those of you who are just discovering this blog and are finding it worthwhile, I encourage to purchase my books and watch for new ones on the market. I also encourage you to find other blogs who address the needs of the collaterally damaged. They are out there. There are a lot of them.</p><p>I encourage you to get professional counseling, go to AL-Anon or find support anywhere that you can.</p><p>As for me... keeping this blog up and running simply keeps me tied to a past that I want to leave in the past. It's time for me to grow and move on. And I mean move on completely out of the alcoholism workd.</p><p>I'll post a resource page sometime over the weekend. As of December 1st, 2020 this blog will be completely taken down from the internet.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Rest in Peace</span></b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">The Immortal Alcoholic Blog</span></b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">2,243,711 total hits</span></b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">Oct. 19, 2010 - Dec. 1st 2020</span></b></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-65430485045408470952020-11-07T13:32:00.001-05:002020-11-07T13:36:08.290-05:00There is life after death<p>It has come to my attention that recently someone has been
trying to use my identity to turn this blog in a direction that would never be
my intent. This person believes that alcoholism can be cured by using some kind
of voodoo-ish doctor to solve your problems. Let me tell you, if you have an
alcoholic in your life there is no magic fix by any magic doctor anywhere on
planet earth. I, however, cannot speak out the outlying planets in our solar
system.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>ALL COMMENTS ON THIS BLOG ARE MONITORED BY ME AND APPROVED
BY ME BEFORE BECOMING PUBLIC.</b> I do not allow comments recommending any kind of
magic hocus pocus. I also do not allow unsolicited plugs for rehab centers or
organizations. If you see a comment with any such information – it is because I
researched it and approved it.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now that I realize that people are still coming here and
reading what has been written, it’s time for me to make this blog lively again.
While filled with unpleasant information, there is humor here and there. Sometimes
it’s hard to see. When you are up to your ass in alcoholism madness, it’s hard
to see anything that may remotely resemble something laughable. Let me assure
you that you will have difficultly retaining your sanity if you don’t stop and
see the comedy that surrounds you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you have been coming here, you probably know my history
so I won’t go into all that. If you don’t know, then I suggest you get my book “Immortal
Alcoholic’s Wife” and the sequel “The Life of Riley” which are both available
on Amazon.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On November 17, 2017, my life took a turn. That’s the day
Riley died and opened the door to the possibility of having a life of my own.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The day after Riley’s death, I woke up at the usual time as
any other day. I went to his room to see if he were still breathing, as usual.
But there was an empty bed. I went to the kitchen to make coffee but skipped
making breakfast. Then I sat on my beautiful front porch, wrapped in a blanket,
and tried to figure out what I was supposed to do next.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was the start of Fall and it was not so cold as to turn
my nose red. The leaves in the big oak tree in the middle of my front yard were
gently falling to the ground. The dog was chasing squirrels and the cat was lying by my
side carefully flicking his tail to the rhythm of the rocking chair rails. He
was being careful not to have his tail under the rail as it came down where his
tail had been.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was anxious. I knew there was something I was supposed to
do. I just didn’t know what it was. Nothing came to my mind. It was Saturday,
so anything relating to business would have to wait for Monday. There was
laundry to do; Riley’s things to pack up; family to contact; but I continued
with rocking away my morning and being unsure of what my role in life was to be
now.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It took me a while to decide what to do with my life. I floundered
from one thing to another. I talked to friends and family. I had an idea of
what I wanted, but was just not sure of how to go about it.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I wanted a life. I mean a real life that belonged only to
me. I wanted to make decisions based on my wants and desires. I wanted friends
that I could meet for dinner and wouldn’t raise an eyebrow when I ordered a
glass of wine. I wanted a social life. And I wanted to discover who I was
outside the confines of an alcoholic world.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It took me two years to decide where I wanted to be and how
I was going to accomplish getting what I want. It took two years to decide to
find out WHO this person named Linda really is.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What you will find in this blog is my journey from the
darkness of alcoholism to deciding to be happy. Anyone mentioned in this blog
will have an alias to protect the guilty – and OK – the innocent. I didn’t get
to where I am today without the help of some very important people. Some
contributed favorably and others – well – not so much. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hope you enjoy reading about my newest adventures and
misadventures. I hope you laugh and cry. But most of all I hope you understand
that there IS life after.<o:p></o:p></p>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-18547986012497160492020-02-07T08:17:00.001-05:002020-02-07T08:17:46.331-05:00A New Path<h4>
<i><b>by Wren R Waters</b></i> </h4>
<div class="Standard">
<span style="font-family: Garamond, serif;">I
don't really remember how I met Linda.</span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> No, I remember how.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I don't remember why.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Like so many of us, lost in the haze
of an alcoholic marriage, I found my way to Linda's blog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> It was refreshing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> It was real.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> It was eye opening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> And it was frightening.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Her daily trials and tribulations
with an end-stage alcoholic left me wondering,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> “Could this really be my husband one
day? Is this my fate too?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I must have made a comment on her
blog or something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> But I don't remember why it was we
somehow made the move from Internet friends to real, live, talking on the
phone, getting together in person friends.
That's a hard leap to make frankly.
But for some reason now lost to the files of time, there was a private
“call me” message and then a phone call and then...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> At first look, it would seem we had
nothing in common.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> She's a few years older than
me. (Like she's 45 and I'm 35. Wink, wink.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Her children are grown and she has
grandchildren.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I was (am) still raising children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> She got away from her alcoholic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Initially anyway but when he
threatened to have their daughter be his caretaker, she acquiesced as any
(most?) mothers would and, reluctantly allowed him back into her life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> To date, I haven't been quite so
lucky as to have my alcoholic husband cheat on me and leave. (But one can always dream, can't she?) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> My husband is what the industry
euphemistically calls a “functioning alcoholic,” since he goes to work every day,
doesn't spend the weekends in a holding cell, etc., etc. I will say I am a little bitter, and
completely skeptical of the definition of “functioning.” Have we really set the addition-bar so low
that if an addict – be it alcohol, drugs or anything else – simply goes to work
every week and not jail every other weekend, he gets to be declared
“functioning?” Believe me, no matter
what the outside world may see, there is nothing “functioning” about these men
at home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> But I digress.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Back to me and Linda.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I was married to a “functioning”
alcoholic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> She was married to an end-stage
alcoholic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I was navigating the emotions of
being married to an able-bodied husband who chose to sit in the basement,
watching television and drinking beer rather than engaging with his family and
participating in life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> She was navigating the emotions of
the being the caregiver to a physically broken man who was breaking her spirit
on a daily basis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> It would seem even with the common
ground of alcoholic husbands, we didn't have a lot in common.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> But that first phone call?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> The one that dared to edge up
against the unspoken boundaries of Internet friendships?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> The sweet truth is the friendship
showed its strength from the very first phone call. Over the years, we have been there for each
other beyond what initially bonded us.
We've cheered for things that weren't alcoholic related; listened to
tears that weren't alcoholic husband driven; given pep talks that weren't about
surviving the crazy swirling around us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> But now the friendship has come full
circle and we find ourselves once again with seemingly little in common as we
stand on common ground.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Linda is widowed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> She spent over ten years of her life
as caregiver to a man she no longer loved as a husband but but for whom she couldn't turn her back on as
a suffering human being. Her grief and
healing process is tied up in the complicated and convoluted feelings of
caregiver and widow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I am not widowed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I am not even divorced – yet
anyway. It is my sole mission this year
and so my grief, my healing process is centered on the dissolution of what I
thought would be forever. When was the
last time you heard of a divorce/widow support group? Never, right?
Because the emotions and feelings lack commonality. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> And yet, what we do share is that we
are both tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> So very, very tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> So tired that we can't write.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> And when we can't write we wonder if
we've each said, respectively, all we each have to say on the alcoholic husband
front.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> And when we wonder if we've said all
we have to say, we question whether or not we should still be in the
alcoholic-husband game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> And when we question whether or not
we should still be in the alcoholic-husband game...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> We realize we can't just walk away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Not from blogging and writing and
connecting with other women who are trying to create sanity in the insanity of
marriage to an alcoholic. But maybe it's
time to connect in a different way.
Maybe it's time to shift our focus from surviving being married to an alcoholic
to thriving in our own lives <i>despite </i>being married to an alcoholic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Linda and I have talked about this a
lot and while she agrees “in theory,” she is also hesitant. She knows her
readers have come to trust her for information and support regarding the whole
alcoholic-husband thing. And it is the
audience we both feel a connection to and a desire to support. We have
<i>been there!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;">Boy, have we been there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> And so when someone “new” to this
fucked-up club reaches out to one of us, we want to be that solace in the
middle of the night, that voice that says,
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> “No, you're not crazy.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> “Yes, there is someone here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> “But how do we do both,” Linda asked
me. “How do we move away from the alcoholic-husband thing while still being a
source of support and information for women married to alcoholics?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> “I don't know,” I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> “But I'll go first.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> (And I'll write the post
warning/warming up your readers to the idea.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> I started with creating a new
website,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> <a href="http://www.wrenrwaters.com/">www.WrenRWaters.com</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> Linda started by allowing me to
write this post.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif;"> That's as far as we both have gotten
but as we ease our way down this new path, we hope you'll find the same
support, information and sense of camaraderie you've come to expect, even if
we're not talking about drunken husbands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-65686801955940975872019-11-02T10:22:00.001-04:002019-11-02T10:22:31.502-04:00Welcome to Tabitha and Wren<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since I announced my departure from the alcoholism world,
everyone has been fantastic. I’ve received lots of e-mails congratulating me
and encouraging me to move on with my life. There have been a few that have
related a sense of loss that I may not be posting as much as I had in the past.
I’m very sorry that I will, indeed, be posting less. But… those of you who
are long term followers will understand that… I have a plan! I always have a plan.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d like to announce a new member of Team Linda! Please
welcome… <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Tabitha!</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I received an e-mail from Tabitha expressing an interest in
doing a guest post. After a lengthy telephone call, we came up with an idea
that I believe ALL my readers will appreciate. Tabitha will be writing for the
blog on a regular basis. She has been writing for years but has not had an
outlet for her journalist work. She has done research on alcoholism and
compiled a LOT of information. She, like me, sees the value in finding humor in
stressful situations.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And another new contributor is <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Wren Waters</b> of <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i>Quiet Raging
Waters</i></b> blog. Wren has published several books. Her point of view is that of
a spouse who is trying to find a way to leave her alcoholic husband.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have known Wren for many years and we have shared
experiences, strength and ideas. We have very different writing styles which
should add some variety to <i>Immortal Alcoholic</i> blog postings. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Help me welcome Tabitha and Wren to the world of the
Immortal Alcoholic. Please post your comments, thoughts, reactions, suggestions
and let’s all show both ladies how much we appreciate them for taking on this
responsibility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
UPDATE on Linda…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve had a lot of interest in my resume and had a number of
job interviews. I feel very positive about getting a job offer in the next week
or so. I will be back to doing title examining from my home office. I did a
couple of practice exams and realize that it’s knowledge that still have stored
away in that gray matter in my head – called a brain!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Florida move is scheduled for the end of January – if I
am firmly ensconced in new employment. Even being employed full time, I’ll
still have time to put my toes in the sand and soak up some happy sunshine.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In short, everything is progressing nicely. I’m happy and
determined to go forward without abandoning all my loyal readers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-87592664906011352072019-10-08T19:34:00.001-04:002019-10-08T19:37:34.953-04:00Just another addiction<div class="MsoNormal">
It is possible to be addicted to anything. I’m addicted to <b><i>The
Walking Dead</i></b>, baked potatoes, my morning coffee, and talking on the
phone. That’s just where the list starts. There’s so much more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was taking care of Riley, I felt trapped. I longed to
have my old life back. You know – that life where I earned money, met with my
friends, dated men and could just up and go on a vaca whenever I felt the
desire? That WAS my life. I thought that when Riley was gone everything would
automatically go back to normal – back to the life I had before.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Riley was alive and sick, I knew exactly what I was
supposed to do. My days were mapped out for me by necessity. I began doing the
alcoholism support work as a means of staying sane within all the insanity. I
felt I was accomplishing something worthwhile. I was connected to people who
were walking in my path and it felt good to have company.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been two years since Riley’s death. The big question is
– if I am free to do whatever I want, why can’t I figure out what it is that I
actually want. It was pointed out to me, in the gentlest of manners, that I don’t
seem to be able to decide what it is I want to do when I grow up. My response
was that I didn’t think I had to grow up. But he was right.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I keep trying to continue to help everyone I can. But, it is
not serving me well. It was a shocker to discover that I was in worse shape
financially, socially, and physically than I was when Riley was alive. I
believe I have become addicted to alcoholism. Not the booze, but the associated
chaos that surrounds it. I’m addicted to trying to take care of everyone who
asks me for help. I’m still not in the process of living my life. Instead I’m
living for the caregiving addiction.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When one of my followers/clients says to me “I don’t need
you anymore” I am elated because it means I’ve done my job. This person can now
move on and put all that alcohol stuff behind them. But how do I get to that
point?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I don’t need you
anymore.</b> I’m very sorry if you feel I’m abandoning you. But I need to move
on and have a life that doesn’t include so much alcoholism. And just like an addict,
I will start out by trying to “cut back” and not go cold turkey. I’ll still do
some coaching. Maybe I’ll write a blog piece every once in a while. And I have
a few more alcoholism books to finish but I can do them at my own pace. As an
editor once told me – there will always be some project that you will not
finish.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a decision that I am making with a clear mind and
for the first time in a very long time --- I’m comfortable with my decision. I
don’t feel all wishy-washy about it. Riley is my past and that’s where I want
him to stay.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What am I going to do, you ask? I’m going to go back to work
at a real job. If you know anyone who needs a very experienced Real Estate
Title Examiner who works from home – please let me know. I have some books I
want to write and none of them have to do with addiction. I’m taking care of
myself physically and now I need to take care of myself mentally.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the past ten years, I have met some truly wonderful
people who while be in my life for the rest of my life. I’m so fortunate to
have met you. I’ve had my share of haters as well, but they are everywhere. I
was strong and never let the haters deter me from my objective. That objective
was to give you a sense of hope and a dose of reality. I think I was
successful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you miss me you can
always come to this blog. All my books are available on Amazon. You can “friend”
me on FaceBook on my personal page so you can see what mischief I’m up to now.
Thank you for your support, comments, and return visits.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most of all, thank you for always being there when I needed
someone to need me. I wish you the calmness I feel at this moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Later -- Linda</span>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-7097602615482597242019-09-12T10:21:00.001-04:002019-09-12T10:31:05.579-04:00Caregiving on alcoholic father<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>GUEST
POST by Alan Oakman</b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><i><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Alan is
an online STEM tutor, teaching K-12 students. His love for learning new things
as he traverses the world of caregiving has prompted him to start blogging.
Apart from being a science geek, Alan loves jazz music and occasionally plays
the guitar.</span></i></b><b><i><span style="background: white; color: #222222; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
You can follow his <a href="http://simplystemtastic.mystrikingly.com/"><span style="color: #1155cc;">blog</span></a> and he is on <a href="https://twitter.com/oakman_alan"><span style="color: #1155cc;">twitter</span></a> too.
He is also the caregiver to his alcoholic father.</span></i></b><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Being a
Caregiver:</b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>Reflecting
on Supporting an Alcoholic Father in Old Age</b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
A loving nuclear family in
the beginning. Father drinks socially but loves his family and provides for
them. Father drinks a little more and stays out late but still loves his
family. Father stays out a lot and comes home drunk and, in that unreliable
state, professes his love for the family, but never shows up in real
needs. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Many stories of alcoholic
parentage have this template with customized variations. The tragedy is doubled
when a child grows up in an alcoholic home where both parents are more
dedicated to the bottle than him/her. What this childhood journey doesn’t
mention is the father in old age needing support and emotional
caregiving. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/children-of-alcoholics-fear-anger-66551"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: ""arial"",serif; font-size: 11.0pt;">Majority of
the available literature</span></a></span> on alcoholism focuses on the period when a child is dependent on
the parent and the negative repercussions of psychologically, emotionally, and
financially depending on an absentee father. More work is needed to understand
the scenario when a once-dependent child becomes the caretaker of the now
dependent parent.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The
Highs: Feeling of Home</b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When my father was absent
in my childhood, it was an unconscious thought pattern formation that there
were other things that were definitely more important to him than me. I did not
necessarily dwell on feelings of abandonment as much as navigating through life
without his support and care. Therefore, when the possibility of taking care of
him appeared in my adulthood, I was frankly thrilled. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The notion of creating a
home together was founded on the concept of making up for lost time and
connection. Emotionally, the responsibilities did not take up too much time and
had a breezy manner to it. I was also over enthused to fill the gaps in my
memory with stories of when he was away. He told engaging stories about his job
and his trips that kept him away. While his health was not what it used to be,
he was functional and did not require focused palliative care. The experience
was one of re-connection.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The Lows:
Feeling the Need to Cut Off and Live My Life</b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The shadow side of this
re-connection arose as we spent every Tuesday taking a leisurely walk across
the park. In all this, two episodes of disconnectedness were starkly
noticeable. Firstly, it was like befriending a new person and I am not too
social. Further, it was like making friends with someone you have not confronted
for their bad behavior. I attempted to bury these feelings as it was very
evident that, emotionally, he was in a horrid place. He felt lonely and
hopeless along with encountering the truth that time brings along- everyone
ages and the body does not remain invincible. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The second reason for
episodes of disconnectedness was the fact that he did not believe he had done
anything particularly wrong. He did think that he used to enjoy a drink but
doesn’t see it as a cause for his absenteeism as a parent. It was difficult for
me to even listen to the complete monologue, much less accept it without
questioning. I had to cut short the walk on that day and process this new
information. I felt cheated as I discovered that I had unconsciously assumed
that my father had reconnected due to guilt. I had assumed that he was not
apologizing overtly only because of the certain unyielding predisposition of
his generation. To learn that this apology was not even covertly intended or
formed was definitely a shock. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>The In-Betweens:
Learnings and Re-Learnings; Doings and Un-doings<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Giving emotional care and
support to a former-alcoholic parent is a mixed bag and more difficult than I
was prepared for. However, these coexisting feelings of home-making &
belonging and disconnectedness & dread made me reflect on my choices. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Emotional Well-Being : It is common knowledge that children of
alcoholic parents have a troubled relationship with authority and
assertiveness. These are only a few of the behavioral concerns that have
been <span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/alcoholic-father"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: ""arial"",serif;">studied</span></a></span> as a result of growing up around alcohol
abuse. With this knowledge, I found it important to accept that drawing
boundaries is very important, especially with the person who had caused
much of this. I demanded an apology from my father and explained to him
how shirking his responsibility regarding the past was unforgivable. It
has led to a much healthier relationship between us currently.<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Consciousness: Alcohol, infamously, is one of
the most available and abused substances in all age groups. The easy
availability and legally permissible status makes it the most popular,
therefore harmful, substance in college too (see the chapter on
‘Consciousness’ in <span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.bartleby.com/solution-answer/chapter-4-problem-8mc-psych-5-introductory-psychology-5th-edition-new-engaging-titles-from-4ltr-press-5th-edition/9781305662704/the-most-popular-drug-on-college-campuses-is-a-alcohol-b-marijuana-c-cocaine-d-lsd/c1e18237-134f-11e9-9bb5-0ece094302b6"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: ""arial"",serif;">Psych 5: An Introductory
Psychology Book</span></a></span>).
It can become difficult to mindfully engage with alcohol in a measured
manner due to its sheer availability. It is an important part of learning
for me to understand sobriety and practise mindful Buddhism. These are
practices that I adopt in the knowledge that I might be genetically
predisposed to alcoholism.</li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-top: 12pt; vertical-align: baseline;">Parenting: One doesn’t have to be an alcoholic
to be an absentee parent. I have notions of the manner in which I should
behave to be a parent who is present in my children’s lives. It is also
important to see that I am not necessarily dependent on them in my old
age. It would be an aim to bring up my kids in a way that makes them come,
meet their old man out of their own will. </li>
</ol>
<span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%;">In conclusion, my unfortunate experience has helped me understand the
mixed nature of being a caregiver to an absentee, alcoholic father. In addition
to compassion, I have learnt to accept the conflicting emotions of anger and
overwhelming love that associates itself to my new caregiving role. It also has
been an educative journey that molds my future and my relationship with my
loved ones.</span>Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-37724777683515861712019-08-20T08:48:00.001-04:002019-08-20T08:48:31.764-04:00The wind began to switch...Every year I post my rendition of how living in a house with an alcoholic is similar to Dorothy's house in the Wizard of Oz. Last week was the anniversary of the premiere of that movie, so I believe it is time to repost. It's hurricane, tornadoes and cyclones... oh my... we're not in Kansas anymore!<br />
<br />
This is a re-post so please keep that in mind as you read about Riley and I waiting out a tornado.<br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tornado warning… (5/3/2011)<o:p></o:p></i></b><br />
<br />
When the Emergency Broadcast came over the television announcing that we were under a Tornado Warning, I gathered my stuff – blankets, pillows, laptop, water, etc – and put it in a secure place in my bathroom. I was ready.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Riley was in his rocking chair watching his usual NCIS. I told him we needed to get his bathroom ready in case the worst came about. He just said – “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” And being the good little caretaker that I am – I stocked his bathroom. Both the bathrooms are small and there is really only room for one person in each.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
As the night wore on, I settled in and listened. Wind, rain, hail, more rain, quiet, wind and more wind – but there was no rumble. I was waiting for the rumble sound of an oncoming train. It never happened – and I was thankful.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
As I was waiting, I could feel the house swaying with the wind. We have a brick rancher – solid as possibly could be – but the wind was so strong it was moving the house. I thought of the three little pigs who built their last house of bricks. What a smart thing to do.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
In spite of the three little pigs’ wise decision to use brick in the construction – some lyrics kept running through my head -- but they weren’t verses about the pigs’ quest for a secure dwelling. Instead, I was hearing in my head the lyrics to a song from <strong>The Wizard of Oz</strong>.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong>The wind began to switch – the house to pitch and suddenly the hinges started to unhitch.</strong></i><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Life with an alcoholic is much the same as a house in the middle of a tornado. This first verse could well define what it is like to watch the beginning of an alcoholic downfall. Things are unsettled, the family never feels secure and things start to fall apart.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong>Just then the Witch – to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch.</strong></i><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
The alcoholic (the Witch) needs to satisfy the craving for alcohol and so he/she seeks it out. Sometimes they ask others to help them obtain the alcohol – as in hitching a ride to the liquor store.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong>And oh, what happened then was rich.</strong></i><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I think if we substitute the word “sad” for the word “rich,” this would be exactly correct. Because what happens after the alcoholic gets the booze is rich with sadness.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong>The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch.</strong></i><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Things become increasingly upsetting in the alcoholic household as the drinking continues.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><strong>It landed on the Wicked Witch in the middle of a ditch, which was not a healthy situation for the Wicked Witch.</strong></i><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
The consequences of the alcoholic’s actions cause him/her to land in unpleasant situations. Eventually the health of the alcoholic deteriorates and puts the alcoholic’s life in danger.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<strong><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Who began to twitch and was reduced to just a stitch of what was once the Wicked Witch.</i><o:p></o:p></strong><br />
<br />
The person who was once a vital, productive, happy member of the community is reduced to becoming a mere servant of alcohol. At that point, the entire family is not in <state w:st="on">Kansas</state> anymore, but rather in some uninhabitable place – like <place w:st="on">Antarctica</place>. No matter how many times you click your heels, those ruby red slippers are not going to help you now.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
I’m told by fellow country dwellers that this is unusual weather for this time of year. Funny, in Linda and Riley World – living in a tornado is a way of life.Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-42462058731358805612019-08-13T12:37:00.000-04:002019-08-13T12:39:43.068-04:00Unlike any other workshop<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Surviving the Chaos Workshop is an interactive workshop with
the emphasis on the word “WORK”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
not one of those workshops where you go and listen without speaking and are
supposed to learn something. NO! This workshop will make you actually think,
learn and state your concerns. There will be opportunities to voice your
opinion, ask for suggestions, and relate to other people who are walking in
your footsteps. You will leave with a workbook created by Linda that you can
fill with notes, observations and doodles.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
TWO-days of information, speakers, and peers who will offer
alternatives to the regular 12-step programs of recovery. While I embrace
12-Step programs, I have found there is so much more that can be utilized to
help us loved ones regain a life of our own and learn that we can thrive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t have all the speakers confirmed so I cannot give you
names as of yet. I can, however, tell you that there will be a speaker who will
give insight into relaxation and the power of meditation. You can learn to
laugh from a “laughter therapist” and possibly channel your life to new enlightenment.
Hear what it’s like for a recovering alcoholic to recount the realization that
he was destroying his family. Find out about interventions and when, or if,
they are a means to recovery for the alcoholic in your life. Listen to a mother
as she tells of dealing with her child – under the age of 16 – as an alcoholic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There will be mini-group session break-out opportunities.
Network with other attendees and go home armed with contact info of people who
understand.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Several authors will be selling their books and available
for questions or comments.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did I mention the food? Southern soulful comfort all the
way. Full breakfasts, breaks and lunches are provided each day. You can have
dinner on your own or join us at a nearby restaurant where we can chat freely. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where:<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Clarion
Hotel, 3032 Richmond Road, Williamsburg, VA<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>For
room information please contact Linda at LindsFrontPorch@outlook.com<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When:<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>November
2-3, 2019 from 8 am (or earlier if you are a morning person) – 4 pm each day<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cost:<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Early
birds - $210 before Oct. 5<sup>th</sup>, 2019<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
Advance - $249 in three
installments -- $79 due at registration; $85 after 30 days; $85 after another
30 days<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 1.0in;">
At the door: $289<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>Volunteer
opportunities available in exchange for free ticket – limited number available<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SPECIAL:<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anyone
registering prior to Sept 5<sup>th</sup>, 2019, will receive a free coaching
session<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>To vendors or substance abuse recovery providers:</u> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Vendor tables available for
materials distribution, questions, etc. Contact Linda at <a href="mailto:LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com">LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com</a> for
more information.<br />
<br />
Make your reservations today! Go to my website:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.lindabarteedoyne.com/events.php">http://www.lindabarteedoyne.com/events.php</a><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-65370054493546394992019-08-12T11:01:00.000-04:002019-08-12T11:01:09.193-04:00Go ahead and scream<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve joined a couple of new FaceBook Groups… well… they are
new to me. They are all people who are dealing with living with a practicing alcoholic.
Practicing. Now there’s a word for you. Like they need any practice. Most of
them have the role of alcoholic down pat and really need no practice. Moving on…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What the group members post is heartbreaking. When I read
them, I want to cry for them. I’d like to reach through the internet and hug
them so tight that their eyes bulge out. I know what they are going through. I’ve
been where they are. What they write should not be shocking to me, but I have
been blessed with a brief intermission from the memories of the days when Riley
was “practicing.” Reading their posts brings back everything and leaves me with
a feeling of gratitude. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say it is a
brief intermission because I can be drawn back to those days and re-live them
as though Riley were still alive and putting our family through hell. I’ve been
told that it’s a form of PTSD.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The things that I want to say to these post authors, who are
pouring out their pain into cyberspace, is that old saying “this too shall
pass.” It may seem that it will take forever to enter that tunnel of hell and
emerge on the side with the brighter sunlight. But… it will happen… eventually.
The sunlight won’t wash away all the residual hurt and anger that living with
an alcoholic can infuse into a person’s brain, but the warmth of the new sun
can take away the cold edge of despair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://media.istockphoto.com/vectors/desperate-woman-screaming-retro-style-illustration-vector-id495931858?k=6&m=495931858&s=612x612&w=0&h=kFjkrf8czZKVWs1H7rNE3OLbkAD5tksKijEi1-Hpm0s=" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Image result for free clip art, woman screaming in the woods" border="0" height="320" src="https://media.istockphoto.com/vectors/desperate-woman-screaming-retro-style-illustration-vector-id495931858?k=6&m=495931858&s=612x612&w=0&h=kFjkrf8czZKVWs1H7rNE3OLbkAD5tksKijEi1-Hpm0s=" width="234" /></a>There are things that can be done in the present while
waiting for that sunshine. One woman said she wanted to scream because she was
so frustrated with the situation. I see nothing wrong with screaming as loud
and for as long as it takes to release all that negative energy. Of course, you
don’t want to do it on the balcony of your high-rise apartment building or where
your neighbors will feel obliged to call 911. So take yourself out to some
secluded place with lots of trees and nature and then let loose. SCREAM. Yell
out all the things you want to say to everyone who has stepped on your last
nerve. Cry. Stomp your feet. Kick a rock. When you’re done sit in the quiet and
resume your composure. Gather together your tolerant, loving self and head back
to that tunnel of hell. The break will renew your ability to carry on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently I enjoyed listening to a hypno-therapist talk about
affirmations. I never really thought much about such methods of survival, but
now I’m a firm believer in the power of positive thinking. Oh… I’ve always been
able to see my glass as half-full even when it was near empty. But this is different.
I was so impressed with her method, that I invited her to speak at my November
workshop in Williamsburg, VA. She has not yet confirmed, but has told me that
she would help me find someone suitable if she should not be able to make it. I’m
very excited to offer this to my attendees. It’s a bit outside the box and I’m
all for anything that helps me and my followers get through the bad times.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my opinion, if you allow yourself to give in to your
urges to let out your anger and follow it up with positive affirmations, that
the combination can create a more peaceful existence even if there is chaos
going on all around you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another way of dealing with the alcoholic’s ridiculous
antics is to find the humor on what is going on. Let’s face it, most alcoholics
have a lopsided view of life. Even though they may be in the midst of slinging
insults and criticism, the reality is that they have no idea of what really is
and isn’t. So whenever possible, and it isn’t ALWAYS possible, remember that
all those things are a script from a comedy show. It’s not real. It’s not
factual. Oh my goodness… wouldn’t it be great if they could get paid for that
material for use in some kind of entertainment venture? You wouldn’t have to
buy a ticket to the program because you’ve already heard the content. So on the
positive side, you’re lucky because you have the choice to enjoy the show (or
not) whether you buy a ticket or not. Maybe after an evening of venom tossing,
you could write a review of the alcoholic’s performance as though you were an
uninvolved third party. Now that might be interesting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<img alt="Image result for free clip art, lights, camera, action" height="151" src="https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/cinema-lights-camera-action-flat-vector-background-65365714.jpg" width="320" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-36151991023427204172019-08-06T11:58:00.000-04:002019-08-06T12:04:16.838-04:00When the fat lady sings<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I first took Riley back in after being told he was very
sick, I took him to the medical doctor’s and was told he had about two weeks to
live if he did not stop drinking. Of course, he did NOT stop and in about two
weeks he had an esophageal varices while detoxing in the hospital. He survived.
He survived the detox, the varices, the trauma of withdrawing from the booze.
He survived it all. He went from the hospital to a six week stay in a nursing
home. Then he came home.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two weeks was what I had been told. Two weeks is all the
time I planned on giving to this alcoholic who had monopolized so much of my
life. Two weeks and my life would get back to focusing on me and what I wanted
to accomplish. I could do two weeks of almost anything. Piece of cake.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nine YEARS later, my alcoholic husband died. NINE years of
taking care of his entire existence and putting myself into a box on a shelf in
a dark closet.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well… finally he was gone. Finally, I could get on with my
life. Finally, I could focus on my own happiness and needs. I could leave the
house whenever I wanted and desired. I could take a long weekend or maybe even
a month. There was NOTHING to hold me back now.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But first I needed to tie up loose ends. Then I had to “get
organized”. Then I had to get rid of my husband’s things. Then I had to… and
this… and that…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I floundered around doing whatever I thought it was that I
needed to do for that day. I jumped from task to task and never really finished
anything I started. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Riley was alive, it was easy to know what I had to do
each day. I had a schedule to adhere to. Someone was depending on me to do
certain things at certain times of the day. I always knew what was required of
me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All I could say for sure is that I wanted to move to
Florida. But I had things that needed to be done first.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It took me more than a year to actually start taking care of
myself. I came to the realization that my own health was failing and if I
wanted to enjoy my life, I had to make sure I would have a life to live. I had
left so many health issues unattended to that it took a few months just to
decide where to start. Despite my excellently rationalized planning, it turned
out that what I wanted to do first was what I would have to do last.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everything on my list of things I wanted to accomplish now
that I’m not anyone’s caregiver got pushed aside so that I could focus on
things like my aching shoulder, knees and hips. (Funny I never noticed how much
they hurt when I was taking care of Riley.) I stopped posting so much on this blog.
I stopped concentrating on writing a brand-new book. I scheduled doctor
appointments and surgeon appointments. I cleaned the pantry and bought the food
on my doctor’s new food list.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gradually, I began adding other things to my list of things
I wanted/needed to do. I took the class that was required to earn my “certified”
standing as a Peer Recovery Support Specialist. I attended events of groups
that focused on recovery from addiction. I networked. My progress was intentionally
slow. I wanted to allow myself the time to “let things sink in.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well… I guess I let things sink in enough because now I have
a full plate of things that I want to accomplish. I have a major surgery coming
up. I published a new book, “Postings.” And I have my very first ever real-live
two-day interactive workshop set up for early November.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m excited about all the new things on my agenda. I’m
especially excited about the workshop because it will be unlike any other
workshop that most people have attended. It will be full of unexpected guests
and unusual topics. It will be INTERACTIVE and the key to it all is the word “WORK”
in workshop. Besides the food is incredibly delicious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I still want to move to Florida, but that will not happen
until I’m recovered from this first surgery. I finally feel that I’m no longer
floundering around trying to “get my stuff” together.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6759421079279172044" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fat lady sang a final song and I’m enjoying the silence
outside the chaos.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1BTKiS1jyOifnoFchqS6K4aVS283ULNy7v7UKN9M-MMndYKIqPPOTBFOwTgYAQus-ViYZOcAavQrOqZKeuTtAeQuq4T6WG_WtT2uf8EYmNHmGsd82Y-H2hdaL7iXEGao6HjBlc_fZXGcF/s1600/fat+lady+sings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="385" data-original-width="236" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1BTKiS1jyOifnoFchqS6K4aVS283ULNy7v7UKN9M-MMndYKIqPPOTBFOwTgYAQus-ViYZOcAavQrOqZKeuTtAeQuq4T6WG_WtT2uf8EYmNHmGsd82Y-H2hdaL7iXEGao6HjBlc_fZXGcF/s320/fat+lady+sings.jpg" width="196" /></a></div>
<!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:
EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'><span style='mso-element:field-begin;mso-field-lock:
yes'></span><span style='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>SHAPE <span
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> </span>\* MERGEFORMAT <span style='mso-element:field-separator'></span></span><![endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:group id="Group_x0020_4"
o:spid="_x0000_s1026" style='width:91.5pt;height:104.25pt;
mso-position-horizontal-relative:char;mso-position-vertical-relative:line'
coordsize="59436,67564" o:gfxdata="UEsDBBQABgAIAAAAIQA0Ev94FAEAAFACAAATAAAAW0NvbnRlbnRfVHlwZXNdLnhtbKSSy07DMBBF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">
<v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75"
o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/>
<v:formulas>
<v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"/>
<v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"/>
<v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"/>
<v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"/>
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"/>
<v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"/>
<v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"/>
<v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"/>
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"/>
<v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"/>
<v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"/>
<v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"/>
</v:formulas>
<v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"/>
<o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"/>
</v:shapetype><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_2" o:spid="_x0000_s1027" type="#_x0000_t75"
style='position:absolute;width:59436;height:64128;visibility:visible;
mso-wrap-style:square' o:gfxdata="UEsDBBQABgAIAAAAIQDb4fbL7gAAAIUBAAATAAAAW0NvbnRlbnRfVHlwZXNdLnhtbHyQz07DMAyH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=
">
<v:imagedata src="file:///C:/Users/ldoyn/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.png"
o:title=""/>
</v:shape><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t202" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="202"
path="m,l,21600r21600,l21600,xe">
<v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/>
<v:path gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"/>
</v:shapetype><v:shape id="Text_x0020_Box_x0020_3" o:spid="_x0000_s1028"
type="#_x0000_t202" style='position:absolute;top:64128;width:59436;height:3436;
visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square;v-text-anchor:top' o:gfxdata="UEsDBBQABgAIAAAAIQDb4fbL7gAAAIUBAAATAAAAW0NvbnRlbnRfVHlwZXNdLnhtbHyQz07DMAyH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" stroked="f">
<v:textbox>
<![if !mso]>
<table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 width="100%">
<tr>
<td><![endif]>
<div>
<p class=MsoNormal>
<span style='font-size:9.0pt;line-height:107%'><a
href="https://ourfiniteworld.com/2016/06/20/china-is-peak-coal-part-of-its-problem/comment-page-5/">This
Photo</a> by Unknown Author is licensed under <a
href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/">CC BY-SA</a><o:p></o:p></span></p>
</div>
<![if !mso]></td>
</tr>
</table>
<![endif]></v:textbox>
</v:shape><w:wrap type="none"/>
<w:anchorlock/>
</v:group><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span><!--[if mso & !supportInlineShapes & supportFields]><span
style='font-size:11.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:
minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:
EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA'><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75"
style='width:91.5pt;height:104.25pt'>
<v:imagedata croptop="-65520f" cropbottom="65520f"/>
</v:shape><span style='mso-element:field-end'></span></span><![endif]--></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-4372412754637943972019-06-18T08:59:00.000-04:002019-06-18T08:59:04.595-04:00Linda Doyne, CPRSS/E<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the past few months I’ve been preparing for the
national certification exam for Peer Recovery Support Specialist. I’ve been
doing coaching for loved ones of alcoholics for seven years. I didn’t start out
to be a recovery coach, I was just answering questions and providing a
listening ear. I didn’t charge anyone anything. I did it because someone needed
me and I wanted to help.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After Riley’s death, I needed to supplement my income, so I
began charging for the coaching services. I turned coaching into a business.
Still, I did not charge the rates that other coaches charge, which can
sometimes be as much as $150/hour. I wanted to be accessible and reasonable so
I started my rates at $30/hour. I also never turned anyone away who could not afford
my services.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the years, I tried to become certified, but the
requirement was that the prospective recovery specialist had to be a recovering
substance abuse person. I didn’t fit the criteria and so was not able to become
certified. However, I was told by my attorney I could still practice coaching
but I had to issue a disclaimer before any coaching sessions. That wasn’t a
problem and that’s exactly what I did.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The laws have changed and now you don’t have to be a
recovering substance abuser to become a certified peer recovery support
specialist. There has been a big push in the mental health industry to make the
ones who have suffered collateral damage into support specialists. We, the
spouses, parents, siblings, and friends of addicted persons can become
certified and reach out to those who are struggling with the very same issues
that we have encountered. We can get jobs with mental health agencies and
professionals and actually earn a living helping others to survive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s a lot that goes into becoming certified. The
candidates must complete 500 hours of supervised coaching with a licensed
professional. Then they must complete a 40-hour classroom training program. An
exam is given and upon successful completion they receive the title of “Certified
Peer Support Specialist.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have completed my 500 hours of supervised coaching and my
40 hour classroom training. I’m waiting for the next exam date for my official
title. For me, there will be a total of three exams – state, national and
international. While I’m waiting for the exam dates, I am officially a “Certified
Peer Support Specialist / Eligible”. Once I have passed the exam, the word “Eligible”
will be dropped from my title.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The examination will be in late July or early August. Until
that time, I will be continuing to charge my usual $30/hour rate. As of
September 1<sup>st</sup>, the rates will increase to $50/hour. Anyone who books
an appointment, even if the appointment occurs in September, will be charged
the $30/hour. But the appointment must be booked prior to September 1<sup>st</sup>.
I still will be offering a sliding scale for those who are unable to meet the full
rate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
E-mail me at <a href="mailto:LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com">LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com</a>
with the word "coaching" in the subject line. Or go to <a href="http://www.lindabarteedoyne.com/coach.php"><span style="color: blue;">http://www.lindabarteedoyne.com/coach.php</span></a>
to book your appointment and pay the fee.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are interested in becoming a Peer Recovery Support
Specialist, contact your local mental health agency or state’s Department of
Substance Abuse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-24105825029366304832019-05-22T14:29:00.001-04:002019-05-22T14:29:52.604-04:00A regular person<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #1c1e21; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 107%;">One of my coaching clients asked me, “How do I
transition from being a caregiver to a regular person?” I had to stop myself
from replying because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the phrase “a regular
person”. I wrote her back and asked, “What’s a regular person?” </span>She didn’t answer me, so I hope she is
maintaining her awesome sense of humor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The best way I
can answer her question is to tell her to take baby steps. It’s a slow,
learning, process. If you’ve been a caregiver for many years, the role has most
likely defined who you are as a person. Once having been a caregiver, expect to
naturally gravitate to taking care of others because it is what you know. It
feels like a sense of accomplishment each day that you manage to keep your
caregiving subject alive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I remember
several times when I would get up in the morning and sneak to the edge of Riley’s
door and peak in to see if he was still breathing. I tried not to let him know
I was near so I could go have my coffee before commencing my day with him. Each
time I would see that he was in fact breathing or that he was awake, I would
think to myself “Well… that’s good… I didn’t screw up so bad that my caregiving
killed him overnight.” Then I would almost immediately feel this sense of
accomplishment because I got him through another day. I was a success for the
previous day. The day ahead was always one of uncertainty, so I reveled in
temporary success.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Caregiving also
gives us the illusion of being in control. While knowing we can’t control the alcoholic, we can control what we do. When the time comes when the alcoholic is bedridden
or can’t physically take care of his/her own body, we step in and control what the
alcoholic can’t managed. It’s not being co-dependent, but rather a humanitarian
gesture. Gradually that control becomes a way of living our life. Caregiver are
defined by the caregiving and gives purpose. When it goes on for very long
periods of time, the caregiver will often lose their own identity and the whole
purpose in life will be to take care of the alcoholic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Even if the alcoholic
continues to require the services of a caregiver, the caregiver step out of the
role and have a life of their own. At first it won’t feel comfortable. There
will be feelings of guilt and uneasiness about not focusing on the alcoholic.
But with each step, the next step will be easier.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I suggest starting
with lunch with a friend, a movie, or shopping for something personal. Take a
few hours to yourself doing something that’s only for you. After doing that a
few times, move on to a whole day out of the house and away from the alcoholic.
Before you know it, you may be going to work or taking a weekend trip. If money
is an issue, there are many things that don’t require a lot of cash – the library,
a walk at a local park, join a little theater group, or take a class.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There is a
website, <a href="http://www.meetup.com/">www.meetup.com</a>, that lists
different activities, groups, and other opportunities to meet new people and do
new and interesting things. There is something for everyone of all ages. If you’re
in doubt about what you want to do, try checking out this site and explore
stepping out of the caregiver box.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now that Riley is gone, I find that I'm often trying to solve other peoples issues in their lives. When a friend tells me of a problem, I have a tendency to try to help them resolve the issue. Sometimes I am successful and other times, well... not so much. It's a hangover from caregiving providing me with a purpose. If I help someone -- anyone -- I have a purpose. I fail to see that I have a purpose without other people. I am my own purpose. My happiness is my purpose. It's hard to shift gears when it's been a way of life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And so, it has been
difficult for me to stop being a caregiver and start being an individual. It’s
been nearly two years since Riley’s death and I’m just now starting to think of
myself as an individual and not as Riley’s wife and soul support. I just got a
part-time job where I’m interacting with people for four hours a day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This fall
I’ll be moving to Florida where I’ll be meeting up with old friends and making
new ones. I’m going to ride a motorcycle for the first time in more than 20
years. I’ll learn to shoot a gun. I’m going to a costume festival parade during
Halloween. There will be dinner parties. I’ll wear a big floppy hat while I lay
on the beach. My cousin will join me for excursions to art galleries and
museums. I’m going to zip line over an alligator pond. I’ll sing very off-key karaoke
songs. I’m going to laugh. I won’t worry about what time I get home, if I get
home at all, after a night out. I’m going to live my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">A very special
person said to me, “Your husband is dead. You’ve been responsible your entire
life. It’s time to be irresponsible. Drink the drink, take the trip. It’s your time.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve been taking
baby steps and now I want to leap forward into a new me which is really a
version of the “me” from before Riley.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Take a chance.
Take a step. Eat the cake and live your life.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-20835355041505309982019-05-07T10:18:00.000-04:002019-05-07T10:18:24.007-04:00Oxygen mask...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever listened to the flight attendant give safety
instructions just before an airplane takes off into the wild blue yonder? The
instruction is to put your oxygen mask on BEFORE you make sure the kids mask is
on their sweet little faces. The purpose for this is for the adult to be alert
and aware enough to tend to the youngsters needs. After all, if you can’t
breathe, you can’t help the kids breathe. Makes sense to me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can say the same thing about taking care of other family
members when there is an alcoholic in the midst. If you can’t think clearly and
make logical, sane, choices how can you help others make good choices? In a
room full of crazy people, there has to one who is the least crazy to lead the
pack.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alcoholics, by their very nature, will create chaos. They don’t
intend to do it, but they do. They’re brain’s frontal lobe, which houses our
ability to make rational decisions, does not work in the manner that it was
intended. In short, they are brain-damaged.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Typically, the most mature and rational of a family will
take on the role of head of the family. Whoever that person is, has to have
what the alcoholic does not have – a brain that works correctly. The brain is
like a machine that needs certain things to keep it running smoothly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Much like getting a tune-up for your car the brain needs
periodic “tune-ups” in the form of rest and relaxation. A constant onslaught of
crisis type situations without much of a break in between can wear us down and
cause us to make hasty, sometimes unwise, decisions. The result is a condition
very similar to PTSD. Sometimes it’s necessary to walk away from the alcoholic
chaos for a time to regain your focus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A healthy diet is also something that the brain needs. Food
is our fuel and although fast food, sweets and other goodies taste great, they
are not always what we need to keep us properly fueled up and ready to think. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes the perfect thing for our brains is a little
laughter. Constantly focusing on the negative will create a negative attitude
in other parts of your life. Stay positive. Stay objective. Keep your sense of
humor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of those things are part of the oxygen mask that you
must place over your face and breathe deep in order to be able to help the
other, possibly less resilient, members of the family. If you are seeing your
way through any stressful situation, put your oxygen mask on first. Take care
of yourself first. Only then can you help anyone else.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-54801220851907128342019-04-21T16:00:00.001-04:002019-04-21T16:00:56.472-04:00Guest Post -- Nova Recovery Center<br />
<div class="WordSection1">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><i>Dear Readers:</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><i>Following is a guest post from the <b>Nova Recovery Center</b>. In one week it will be transferred over the the <b>Just for Alcoholic's Page</b>. They will also be listed on the <b>Resource Page</b>. --- Linda</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Helping a loved one find the proper
care they need to recover from addiction can feel like a daunting task,
especially if you’ve never been faced with the challenge before. How do you
know what type of treatment is right for your loved one? How do you determine
your health insurance coverage for rehab? And how do you even get your loved
one to agree to go to treatment in the first place?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">These are all common questions that
many people face as they begin their search for addiction treatment. At Nova
Recovery Center, we understand these concerns because many of our staff
members, and even our CEO and founder, have been there before. We understand
the toll addiction takes on family and friends because we’ve seen it firsthand.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Because we know the struggle, we make
it as stress-free and as easy as possible to ensure that our treatment programs
are the right fit for you. And if they’re not, we’re happy to provide a
referral elsewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">At Nova, we offer several
individually-tailored programs that, together, comprise a robust addiction
treatment regimen designed to carry clients through the entire </span><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/treatment/addiction-treatment-process/"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">treatment process</span></a></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">, from addiction to sobriety. Our programs include:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Inpatient drug and alcohol detox<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Residential drug rehab<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">One-on-one peer-led support program<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Sober living<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: auto;" />
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: Spectral;">Unlike some other rehab centers, </span><b style="font-family: Spectral;">we focus on treating the whole person</b><span style="font-family: Spectral;">,
not just the symptoms of addiction. We work diligently to provide the highest
quality addiction treatment services and the following characteristics of our
care set us apart from the competition:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/treatment-programs/family-program/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Family
program</span></b></a></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> -</span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> Loved
ones of clients are invited to attend our intensive three-day family program
that is designed help family members understand the addiction and recovery
processes, initiate healing, and learn how to move forward in their own lives.
Our staff uses educational lectures, behavioral therapy, and group activities
to facilitate discussion and help families develop healthy communication and
boundary-setting. A Nova representative will also travel off-campus with
participating family members to help them locate community support group
meetings like Al-Anon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/services/residential-inpatient/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">90-day
residential rehab program</span></b></a></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> - </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Our
long-term residential addiction treatment program provides extended
individualized care to ensure that clients have the time they need to fully
heal and learn how to live a life that is free from addiction.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/services/continuum-of-care/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">A
full continuum of care</span></b></a></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> - </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">We
offer several levels of addiction treatment that guides and carries clients
through the full treatment process, including detox, residential rehab, IOP,
sober living, and peer-led individual support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/treatment-programs/12-step-program/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">12-step
immersion</span></b></a></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> - </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Our
treatment program is founded on evidence-based treatment methods like
individual and group therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and 12-step
facilitation therapy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">●<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/treatment-programs/relapse-prevention/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Focus
on chronic relapse</span></b></a></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> - </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">We
work closely with clients to help them learn how to recognize the warning signs
of emotional, mental, and physical relapse, mitigate risk and manage lapses for
lasting, long-term recovery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">If you’re ready to enroll a loved one,
the staff at Nova Recovery Center is here to walk through the process with you.
</span><span lang="EN"><a href="https://novarecoverycenter.com/contact-us/"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;">Contact us</span></a></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Spectral; mso-bidi-font-family: Spectral; mso-fareast-font-family: Spectral;"> today to get started.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-37341552414299508682019-04-15T19:19:00.001-04:002019-04-15T19:19:39.620-04:00Alcohol and Memory Loss<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
During end-stage alcoholism there is a disease,
Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome, which causes the alcoholic to lose the ability to
remember people, places and things from their past. The alcohol has soaked the
brain with toxins to the point where the brain can no longer function.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is also a more subtle condition involving alcohol
consumption and memory loss. This can take place with regularly drinking as few
as three drinks a day. This consumption can result in a blackout type of amnesia.
However, there are two types of blackouts, the en-bloc and the fragmentary
episode.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During an en-bloc episode the person will forget everything
they did during the time they are drinking. It’s is a complete memory loss over
a particular time interval during intoxication. If a drinker goes on a two-week
bender, the amnesia will encompass the whole two-weeks. These memories will not
come back or be recalled.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A fragmentary episode is not as serious and only causes a
loss of certain events while retaining some of the memory of that event. This
helps the drinker remember the good times while forgetting the bad times during
a drinking episode. Even when events are remembered, they are most likely not
remembered as they actually happened in reality. Their memories are chemically
altered. Unlike the en-bloc memory loss, cues or reminders can be used to
recall some or most of the memories during the fragmentary episode.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Long-term alcohol use, even when controlled as two or three
drinks during an evening, can create a situation whereby the brain is unable to
create new memories. Consider that the phrase “living in the moment” being
taken to a whole extreme level.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a report from the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">National
Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism</i> there are other factors that have
an effect on the memory of the drinker:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->How early in life the person started drinking;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Family history of alcoholism;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Gender;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Overall health and constitution;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Social and learning factors such as education.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alzheimer’s
Association</i> describes the long-term alcohol use amnesia, called
Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome as a condition of:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Gaps in long-term memory;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Inability to remember recent events;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Lack of awareness that there are problems with
memory;<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]-->Confabulation or making up information that has
been forgotten.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the case of confabulation, the person is not exactly
lying. He/she believes that the made-up memories are real.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other accompanying personality traits for a person suffering
for any memory loss is being easy to anger, expressing agitation, confusion.
Most often all these factors result in a state of depression.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If the alcoholic in your life says to you that they don’t
remember an event, saying or doing a specific thing, it is most like the
absolute truth. So, when you are called a derogatory name, it will be devastating
to you, but for the alcoholic it will be as though it never happened. If you
can’t remember something you can’t feel remorse for having said or done
whatever that “thing” is. It just doesn’t exist.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is heartbreaking to realize that you have been living as
a part of couple and the other half of that same couple considers you as one
step away from being a stranger. It’s OK. You can feel all the hurt that you
would naturally feel, but it won’t help you to dwell on those emotions. Grieve.
Cherish the memories that he/she does not have. What you do about it is up to
you. But, always know what you are walking into, or out of, before making any
decision.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh… I think I forgot where I was going with this….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-49439660598595328872019-04-11T08:51:00.003-04:002019-04-11T08:54:44.823-04:00The Immortal Life of Riley<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6759421079279172044&pli=1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6759421079279172044&pli=1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">NOW
AVAILABLE!</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; line-height: 115%;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">The Immortal Life of Riley</span></i></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";">Sequel to the<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Immortal
Alcoholic’s Wife</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioMSTBzzo7K3mr_i9-po2ru6x9vYYqhk2mbilMSsWey4MXyy3q4OOT4QrIGvjdkW8KBpdxwzgbh0zi6V9YNaX__CewNdidg98_mtqPYZbmSejBFYygkgt1liNcSTgVrjolff8NZLpeeD02/s1600/Immortal+Life+of+Riley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="333" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioMSTBzzo7K3mr_i9-po2ru6x9vYYqhk2mbilMSsWey4MXyy3q4OOT4QrIGvjdkW8KBpdxwzgbh0zi6V9YNaX__CewNdidg98_mtqPYZbmSejBFYygkgt1liNcSTgVrjolff8NZLpeeD02/s320/Immortal+Life+of+Riley.jpg" width="213" /></a></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
</b><span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , serif;">The <b><i>Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife</i></b> told the
tale of Linda’s journey from childhood to care giving her end-stage alcoholic
husband, Riley. It includes medical explanations and descriptions of what to
expect if you become a care giver.</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Immortal Life of Riley</i>,</b> you will see how Riley was a good man
who loved his Navy career, but he had a bad addiction. You will learn in this
book all the many factors that may have contributed to his becoming an
alcoholic. You will discover Riley as a real person who had a real problem. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>You can buy your copy of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Immortal Life of Riley</i> here:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "book antiqua" , "serif";"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Immortal-Life-Riley-Sequel-Alcoholics/dp/1092767207/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1554985448&sr=8-5-fkmrnull">https://www.amazon.com/Immortal-Life-Riley-Sequel-Alcoholics/dp/1092767207/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1554985448&sr=8-5-fkmrnull</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">For all books by Linda Bartee Doyne:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Linda+BArtee+Doyne&ref=nb_sb_noss">https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Linda+BArtee+Doyne&ref=nb_sb_noss</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-83779474587841807312019-03-25T09:26:00.000-04:002019-03-25T09:26:30.882-04:00What's your poison?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
“At least he’s not doing drugs.” I hear that phrase all the
time and my internal response is “WHAT?” Folks, alcohol IS a drug. It is very
dangerous because it is a LEGAL drug. There are NO limits to the amount you can
buy at any one time. You don’t need a prescription or doctor’s consent to get a
supply. It’s readily available and no one is going to go to jail for selling it
to you unless you are under age.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alcohol is worse than a drug because it is, chemically
speaking, poison. The human body can process only one unit of alcohol per hour,
drinking more than the one unit will cause some organs to shut down. Over an
extended period of time, the same organs will become weaker and eventually just
give up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is nothing better about drinking alcohol than there is
any other drug. They are all life-threatening crap shoots that can kill you
when you least expect it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some people say an addict is an addict no matter what the
drug. That statement is true. However, addiction to alcohol, just like
addiction to any other drug, has its own set of complications, manifestations,
and traits. I don’t do coaching for families of drug addicts because I don’t
have that first-hand experience that’s unique to drug abusers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes. An addict is an addict. But… in many ways the process
of becoming an addict is different. Alcoholism is a slow-growing disease which
in its infancy is acceptable to most of society. It isn’t until the alcohol
takes over the moral and logical functions of the brain on a high frequency
that society steps back and says “Whoa! Maybe you better slow down there fella!”
By then it’s usually too late because the alcoholic’s brain is, metaphorically,
inside a booze-filled bottle and the sound waves can’t reach his ears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I, personally, found no comfort in the fact that Riley was
not using illegal drugs. I did not let out a sigh of relief when I discovered
his drug of choice was vodka rather than heroin. When I finally accepted the
fact that my husband was an alcoholic, I was devastated by the fact that I was
losing my husband to this horrible poison that was not classified as a drug. I
felt helpless.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Someone mentioned to me recently that we should make
alcoholic illegal. I reminded her that we have already tried a thing called “prohibition”
but it didn’t turn out so well. I offered another idea.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if… when you reach the legal drinking age in your
state, you must take an exam about alcohol and alcoholism. Upon successful
completion of the exam, you will receive a “license to drink.” You must show
your license when purchasing liquor. If you have a DUI, your license
information goes into a data base and when you present your license it will
come back as rejected. Therefore, you cannot buy booze for whatever time period
the court has mandated.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, if someone wants to drink, they will find a way.
Someone else will buy it for them or they will go to a different state. There
are always detours around road-blocks. BUT, it just might slow things down a
bit and that might be a good thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a novel idea. But the reality is that the alcohol industry
represents big money. Big money shouldn’t but CAN control our lawmakers. The likelihood
of such a law or program ever coming into existence is highly unlikely. It’s a
dream -- a fantasy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have other fantasies… like scientists would find a way to
make alcohol less damaging to the body while providing the same euphoric
effect. What about creating a vaccine for alcoholism? Maybe societies attitude
toward celebration with libations could change. But then… I would also like to
have world peace.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-8033595241046441592019-03-15T11:37:00.001-04:002019-03-15T11:37:17.431-04:00Congratulations Neal!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got a message the other day that Neal from the documentary
“Risky Drinking” is celebrating FOUR years of sobriety! He is working and
living a good life. He is happy. Unfortunately, his marriage did not survive
the disease. But, as with many alcoholic marriages, they have found a way to
care about each other at long distance. Sometimes large sacrifices must be made
in order to get and keep a place of sanity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the day when I told Riley I was leaving him. I
had left him many times before but this was different. I had thought and
planned carefully what I was going to say. I made plans and knew exactly how I
would make my exit. My ducks were in a row by the time I talked to him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He came in the front door after having been gone for several
days. I didn’t know exactly where he had been but I did know it was someplace
that I wouldn’t like and with someone I also wouldn’t like. By that time, it
really didn’t matter because there wasn’t much of a marriage anyway. I stopped
expecting him to be where he was supposed to be when he was supposed to be
there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There so many factors that led up to the exit talk. There
was my car being repo’d from the result of having a female friend forge my
signature on loan documents. He put our 12-year-old daughter in a position of
having to drive 30 miles on a busy interstate in order to get both of them home
because he was too drunk to drive. He told her to keep it a secret from me and
she did. I was admitted to the hospital and no one could find him. I was
discharged several days later and he never knew I was hospitalized. The final
straw was receiving a foreclosure notice on our home. He had retired from the
Navy without telling me and was pocketing his entire retirement pay.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Riley was an alcoholic. All the above actions were a
side-effect of the alcoholism controlling his brain. If I were to name a
co-respondent in my divorce, it would have been the Aristocrat Vodka. Maybe I
could have sued for “alienation of affection.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On that day… when I told Riley of my plans to continue my
life without him… he was shocked. He couldn’t understand why I would do such a
thing. He protested. He cried. He asked if there was anything he could do. I
was calm. I told him directly what I was going to do and how I was going to do
it. After a long while, he came to me and asked if there was anything he could
do to help make the transition easier. I told him what I needed and he agreed
to help me leave.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I did not divorce Riley. After so many years of marriage and
going through the trials of being a military wife, I felt that a divorce would
not be in anyone’s best interest. I knew that eventually he would need some
help and I didn’t want my children to be put in that position. I also didn’t
want to jeopardize my well-earned military benefits. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Riley didn’t want a divorce either. He liked being married because
it gave him a sense of security for his future. It also gave him an out when it
came to being involved with other women. He could not marry them because he was
already married. It worked for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although we were separate, we were still, in many ways,
still together. We talked every couple of weeks and if we were in the same
town, we would have dinner together. Christmas was usually spent together as a
family with our kids. We were separated, but we were still married at long
distance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every couple with alcohol as a third party to their marriage
comes to a kind of “impasse”. The eventually figure out what works and what
doesn’t. They come to terms with either staying physically in the same house or
moving out. They learn their limits and how to stay within them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe in “til death do us part.” But which death is the
question. The death of the person? The death of the marriage? The death of
trust? The death of the person that once was? Each couple will decide when and
what the “death” is in the marriage. Sometimes the alcohol chooses for us.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>COACHING:</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Appointments are available for coaching loved ones of
alcoholics. Until April 1<sup>st<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></sup>an
interactive version of the “Workbook for Caretakers of End-Stage Alcoholics”
will be included with each scheduled and paid appointment. Make your
appointment by e-mailing <a href="mailto:LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com">LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com</a>
with the word “coaching” in the subject line. Choose from the available package
options. Tell me your most convenient day and time and we will connect.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-41185408080326834252019-03-12T19:25:00.000-04:002019-03-12T19:25:04.196-04:00Dear President Trump<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have I been living under a rock? Well, no actually taking
care of an alcoholic at end-stage can dull your sense of awareness concerning
current or past events. You know there’s news worthy events happening, but
sometimes focusing or remembering what’s happening in the real world is
difficult.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember hearing about it. I can vaguely recall the events
that followed. I’m talking about the alcohol-related death of President Trump’s
brother, Freddy. Should I call him Freddy? That seems so familiar for our leader’s
brother. Fred (that’s better) Trump Jr. died in 1981 at the very young age of
43.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fred’s personality was a bit opposite of his younger brother, Donald who was serious and focused on achieving his ascending goal of success
in the business world. Fred was a light-hearted and fun-loving airline pilot
with a bigger-than-life personality.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For President Trump, observing his brother’s descent into
the chaotic world of alcoholism was a learning experience. He learned that he
didn’t desire the experience of life as an alcoholic.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There were five siblings in the Trump family, Robert, Elizabeth,
Fred Jr., Donald and Maryanne. It was a privileged, powerful family and I
wonder how, behind closed doors, they dealt with the brother who may have been
a kind of “black sheep” of the family. Was it difficult for them to attend
public functions as a family with the uncertainty of Fred’s alcoholic actions
always threatening to crash the party? Did they gather together outside hearing
distance to plan and plot a means to control their brother’s drinking?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the outside, this family appears strong and powerful.
But, alcoholism can weaken the fabric of the strongest unit and will often
prove more powerful than any group of mere mortals. Were they their own support
platform or did they seek help outside the family? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my opinion, what happens within the folds of the Trump
family is none of the public’s business even if one of the family members is
the most powerful person in the free world. Just because President Trump is our
president doesn’t mean he is obligated to tell us of the tears he shed over
being powerless to help his big brother climb out of the bottle. Still… wouldn’t
we all want to know? Its human nature to want to see the difficult hurdles
placed on the route to success.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I suspect that the Trump family is just like any other
family who with a loved one in the clutches of alcoholism. Just like the rest
of us, I’m sure they cried a river of tears, begged, pleaded and manipulated
every chance they got to try to get the alcoholic in detox, rehab or any
program that would help him heal. They have probably shared our frustrations
and experienced the same feelings of guilt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alcoholism doesn’t care how much money you have, your
ability to pilot yourself around the world, or if you can drop a nuclear
missile on another country. Alcoholism raises its middle finger and tells you
to go take a giant leap off the tallest building in your portfolio. The pain is
the same.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
President Trump may lead the world but just like everyone
one of us who follow this blog, he probably feels the same longing for a
different outcome for his alcoholic loved one. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t care if you are PRO or ANTI Trump. I don’t care if
you are conservative or liberal, Republican or Democrat. When you are a member
of a family ravaged by alcoholism, you are a part of the same demographic as
all the other families in that situation. Everything else is completely
separate and possibly secondary.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear President Trump, please know that I understand where
you’ve been because my Dollar Store Flip Flops have walked in the same path as
your Allen Edmonds Oxfords.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><b>COACHING: </b></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The<i> Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife</i> offers coaching for
collaterally damaged loved ones of an alcoholic. Please e-mail <a href="mailto:LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com">LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com</a> for more details. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-72691043819207548022019-03-07T16:52:00.001-05:002019-03-07T17:13:03.857-05:00But... I love him...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hear a lot about love while coaching spouses of
alcoholics. There is always a lot of talk back and forth about the dis-deeds
and wrong-doings of the alcoholic. The spouse knows its alcoholic behavior but
discounts the actions as through the alcoholic had control or the ability to
make logical decisions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the my writing convenience, I’m going to use the pronoun
as male (him, his, etc.) so that I don’t have repeat the same words for the
female partner. So I will refer to the spouse as the groom, husband, father but
I mean for it to hold true for bride, wife, mother.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The alcoholic is damaged. The brain is damaged. Once the
alcohol saturates the frontal lobe, all rhyme or reason goes out the window.
Alcoholics are not rational people and are incapable of using a normal logical
thought process to make decisions. They are changed from the toxins. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are like the Mr. Hyde to the Dr. Jekyll,
so to speak.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A lot of times, when I ask why they stay in the marriage or
in the home, the response is “I love him.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who? Who is it that you love? Where is that person? Surely
it’s not the one living in your home and claims to be mate. That person... the one
you exchanged vows with… no longer exists. The person you said you will stay
married to in good times and bad, is not the one you claim to “love” in the
present moment. The person receiving your reassuring words of forever fidelity,
has left the building and doesn’t remember what any of those vows were all
about.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The person you married before the alcoholic behavior moved
in and set up residence, meant every single loving word he said. He wanted to
be a good husband and father. But, when the alcohol took over the persona, he
stopped caring about anything having remotely to do with a marriage or
partnership. It’s not the fault of that person who stood with you and promised
to be with you forever. He meant well. He loved. He cared. But, the alcoholic
is not “him”. The alcoholic cares about the alcohol. Alcohol is the new
partner, mistress, lover.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can’t fight this new entity in your loved one’s life.
You can’t get rid of it. It will only leave when your husband has decided it is
time for it to go. Even if he goes to rehab and denounces that mistress, he
will never come back to you in totality. The focus will become his sobriety
making the sobriety his new mistress.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you decide to stay in your marriage, you must understand
what you are going to encounter. You must understand that whatever method you
used to “help” your husband before alcohol, will not work now that alcohol is
in control. No ultimatum, no threat, no action, is going to give the result of
a cessation of the drinking. Only when the husband decides to quit, will it
happen. Even then he may not have the strength to take the action to stop.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s nothing wrong with loving your spouse. There’s
nothing wrong with staying because you love someone. But staying because you
love him and expect him to be the same man you married, is not realistic. If you
stay you will have to make adjustments. You will have to accept that he is not
the same person. It will be hard but not impossible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t tell anyone whether they should stay or go. It’s not
my decision to make. However, I make an exception when there is physical
violence in the home. There is never a good reason to stay if you are being
abused. It’s dangerous because you don’t know how far the alcohol will allow the
abuser to go. Leave and go to a safe place. If you can and feel you have the
time, prepare for your exit. But never stay during a physical confrontation.
Get out. Get out right then and there. Your life is too important to take the
chance of losing it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And, if you say “But I love him” while someone is pounding
your face to a pulp… remember that is not the way the man you love would treat
you. Your abuser is a stranger – treat him like any other stranger who assaults
you. Fight back. The minute you can, call the cops and press charges. Let him go to jail so the situation can calm down. While he is gone, make your plans to either keep him away or get out of Dodge.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are not having him arrested to punish him. You are doing what you have to do to give yourself some time to figure out what you are going to do. Whatever you do, don't do nothing. Nothing will put you right back into the same face pounding that you escaped.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your life is just as valuable as his. Take care of yourself by protecting yourself.<br />
<br />
If you need help in figuring out how to get out, need a sounding board, or just a non-judgmental listener, take advantage of my Coaching Programs. E-mail LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com for more information. You're not alone. </div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6759421079279172044.post-68751123699294576592019-02-27T09:07:00.001-05:002019-02-27T09:07:38.613-05:00Alcoholics and Rehabs<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Just for the
Alcoholic<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently it was pointed out to me that my blog was
inappropriately named if the focus is to be on the family and NOT the
alcoholic. Back in the day when Riley was still alive, I provided information
about him and about the disease of alcoholism. He is gone now and the focus has
shifted to only being about how the family can survive. I now realize that I
have to do things a bit differently.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve added a page to the blog that is just for the alcoholic
reader. I will NOT post on this page personally because I am NOT an alcoholic
and I believe they don’t need to hear from me. I would like to have stories
from alcoholics. They can write about almost any relevant topic they want. The
submissions will be reviewed prior to posting. To provide a posting, please
e-mail me at <a href="mailto:ImmortalAlcoholic@gmail.com">ImmortalAlcoholic@gmail.com</a>
with guest in the subject line.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rehab Corner<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the rehab centers, there will be a new page, “Rehab
Corner”. This page will be sponsored (paid) submissions from rehab centers.
They can submit postings explaining what they offer and note what makes their
facility stand out among all the rest. Contact information will be included.
Financial information concerning insurance and other means of payment will also
be included. Package plans are available which will include a presence at any
of the upcoming events.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rehab centers that offer a substantial family program
focusing on the recovery of the family rather than how the family can help the
alcoholic, will be invited to post on the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">main</b>
page free of charge. I will review the center’s posting for the content and
program details as it relates to the family. A presence of handouts and
participation at events will be available.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For more information for rehab postings please e-mail <a href="mailto:ImmortalAlcoholic@gmail.com">ImmortalAlcoholic@gmail.com</a> with
posting in the subject line.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Linda Bartee Doynehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01820717772193440848noreply@blogger.com0