Although I’ll soon be living just blocks from the Atlantic
Ocean, I’m really not much of a beach person. I love the mountains with all the
tall trees and clean air. I love the sounds of solitude and the sight of the
sun setting behind the treetops. That’s where I am most able to recharge,
regroup, and redefine my whole being. Autumn in the mountains is my favorite
time of year. Sipping on hot coffee on a frosty morning and sitting by the
fireplace in the evenings while reading a good – that’s my idea of heaven.
Years before moving to the Carolinas, while we were still in
California, I found an ad for some land in the Klamath Mountains in Oregon. On
a whim, Alea and I decided to take a road trip and check out the parcels that
were available. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to buy, but rather, I just
wanted to look. Road trips with Alea are always fun and I love our bonding time
together.
Once passed Weed, we diverted our to route to Highway 97. It
can be quite boring. No tourist towns. No Stulkey’s fudge ads. Just small town
communities in between lots of farm land. Utility poles lined one side of the
road for a while and then switched over to the other side after many miles.
There were farm houses off in the distance. At one point trees seem almost
non-existent – except for some that were part of the yards of the farmhouses.
We had each been quiet for a time
with each of us in our own thoughts. Then Alea asked “Do you think the number
of trees in the yards is an indicator of how wealthy or the class level of the
owners?” I turned my head and stared at her. I wasn’t sure if she was kidding
or if she meant it to be a serious question. There was no hint of amusement in
her face. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to answer her seriously but instead I
burst out in laughter leading to tears streaming down my face. What on earth
was she thinking??? So I said (or I tried to say thru my giggling) “Maybe when
the income taxes returns are filed, their income is evaluated and then IRS
gives them a tree if they made more than last year.” Both of us were laughing uncontrollably by
this time. “OH!! LOOK!! They must be having very good years!!”
In some places the utility poles seemed to be shorter than
others. There would be miles of short poles and then miles of taller poles. We
couldn’t figure out why that would be. We tried to come up with all the rational
practical reasons, but none of them were working for us. We surmised that the
work crew for the shorter poles must have had shorter construction workers and
that the poles seemed high enough to them. The taller poles were constructed on
days when the crew contained taller workers. It made sense to us at the time.
By the time we reached Klamath Falls, we were exhausted from
the long trip and our sides ached from all the laughing. We found a room and
slept in the next morning. Then it was off to view all the parcels of land that
we had researched previously. It was so reasonably priced that it was almost
scary. But people had already been buying up the land and were actually
settling into their surroundings. Maybe it was not such a far-fetched idea of latching
onto a piece of land for ourselves.
On Sunday we spent the day checking out the town and
exploring the area. It was a layed-back kinda place with lots of little
interesting gift shops. I could almost see myself living here. Of course, there
was not much work here for an executive assistant or real estate title
examiner. I would have to take a substantial cut in pay and I doubted that
would be something I was interested in doing. I had never really intended for
this to lead to the possibly of me leaving my current job and moving to Oregon.
This was just a fact finding mission mixed with a mini-vacation from home.
The drive home was filled with talk of family matters and
things of a more practical nature. We agreed Klamath Falls was a nice place to
visit, but probably not a place to live. However, buying a parcel of land and
using it as a “vacation” retreat was not a bad idea. If only there was a more accessible route rather than Highway 97.
Pulling into my driveway, I felt tired but refreshed. I
returned to the reality of the here and now. I checked in on my brother (who
was dying from leukemia) and thanked the family friend for taking time from her
job to stay with him while I was gone. The respite had been good. It was what I
had needed.
Maybe as I begin a new phase as caretaker for Riley, there
will be a mini-vacation respite with one of the kids that will give me memories
as wonderful as the ones I gained from Klamath Falls.
I connect with your 'stories' in so many ways. Was on a road trip out west with my oldest daughter in May. A 'respite' from my life, too. (And a great memory.)
ReplyDeleteI no longer see what you're doing as insanity. Now I see myself heading in the same direction. However, I give my drinker a strict allowance - so that he doesn't swallow my life, too. If that's not enough money for him, he knows I'll go. It seems to be a working compromise - for now.
What I resent most of all, besides the wasted $$ is the all the emotional energy it's drained out of me.
And the wasted sympathy for a man who can't acknowledge he's 'powerless over alcohol.'
I've learned so much about my life through reading about yours. Thanks ever so much for your honesty.
I hope that wherever you call home, it will be restful and peaceful.
ReplyDeleteWe just buried our own IA; 84 years old,miserable conniving......
ReplyDeleteIt's my fifth end stage alcoholic connection, and hopefully the last. At age 60 I have an extreme alcohol hatred, and I watch my friends closely. Alcoholics are like snakes in the grass, you don't know one is manipulating you until they bite you. All that love and fun they send your way is driven by their own selfishness. Hang in there, and understand that the minute you sever your emotional connection to a drunk, you will reacquire your creativity and joy.
I think this will be a positive change for you, Linda.
ReplyDeleteI must admit I'm a bit envious of you. I AM a water-beach person. I also love the mountains. (Specifically the Smokeys)
Linda: Move to OR or WA. Both states have great long term care programs thru Medicaid. They have adult foster homes, residential care centers and assisted living facilities which are much better than nursing facilities and cheaper. They can divert his income to you so you can still survive if your still married. Don't let him suck the rest of your life out of you.
ReplyDeleteWe all pay taxes and we all pay for Medicaid. There is no shame and anyone who says different deserves the karma they get because they may be next. I've seen HUNDREDS of families, both rich and poor utilize Medicaid to assist with family members long term care.
That's why we have it. One major medical event can bankrupt all of
us.
There is a VA facility in The Dalles, OR and Walla Walla WA..check it out. Check the Oregon.gov web site.
PS: If you can't provide the care and you've told the Dr's, Nurses, Elder Care or Senior Services they can't hold you responsible. The hospital discharge planners have an ethical responsibility to ensure a safe discharge plan from the hospital. If you can no longer do it...just say NO. Good luck
Linda: Are you going to let Riley start drinking again when you care for him?
ReplyDelete