Free lunch...

I learned a hard lesson as a child. It had to do with an advertisement I saw that said a car was being offered for FREE. I took the ad to my father and told him I had the solution to helping my brother get another car. My father read over the ad and then read to me the “fine print.” It seems certain accessories were free – like the windshield wipers – but the car itself still had a price tag. After our discussion about how unfair the ad was, he looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “Linda, no matter what anyone says, there is no such thing as a free lunch.”

My father was right. Even a free lunch costs something.  Although it may not be in dollars and cents, the cost can still be more than you can afford. Anyone who has ever felt pressured to accept an invitation from a boss to have lunch, knows that there is a price tag. To accept means your cost is in the time you spend eating with a person you would not choose on an everyday basis.

Recently I had a conversation with the developer of the Webinar “Intervene – An Emergency Guide to Heavy Drinking and Alcoholism.” We were talking about feeling guilty because we have to solicit funds to manage the different projects that we hope will make a difference in someone’s life. As much as we both would like to offer everything we have to everyone who wants it at no cost at all, the fact is that everything cost something.

A comment on my last post says I have gone “corporate.” That I’m no longer real and Riley is forgotten. The commenter was disappointed in me because I posted that my book was now available in Smashwords and that the webinar was coming up and my followers were invited to join. I want to address this comment publicly here so if others feel the same they may be able to understand.

“The Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife” has been offered on this site for quite a while. It is not a new thing. An e-book version was promised many months ago and I’ve followed through on that promise. The book is now available for your Kindle, Nook, IPad, etc. In the next couple of days it will be available at Barnes & Noble and Amazon.  A soft cover version is also promised and I’m working on making that happen.

The webinar is not my creation. I have contributed information for the material, but I cannot take ownership because it is not mine to take. Sandy Jones is the author, creator and producer of the entire 11-week series of classes. She has done an excellent job and there is a lot to learn from her research and efforts. There are expenses associated with this endeavor, such as the web hosting and designing, handouts, teleconference expenses. This was a huge undertaking and while she was working on this webinar, she had less time to work on her real job. To be offered to my readers for $50 is just a drop in the bucket compared to what it cost her.

Besides “The Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife” and the “Workbook for Caretakers of End-Stage Alcoholics” (which is currently being updated), I also have three support groups for friends and families of alcoholics. Two are free to host via FaceBook, but the third is a private site for which I pay to maintain and host. It is expensive. The money comes from the GoFundMe account. Usually there is not enough money in the account and I cut corners on my home budget so I can keep the website up and running.

Besides the cold hard cash that is needed to keep doing what I do, I spend nearly five hours a day on Immortal Alcoholic / OARS related activities. During those hours, I support followers either through e-mail or on the support sites. My in-box has so many letters that where I used to answer every one within a few hours, I now can seldom answer each and every one individually. I do research on things that I hear about or information passed on to me. I plan and organize to expand the groups and eventually make available real meetings with real people. I reach out in my community to offer my services to anyone that I can possibly help.

While I’m doing that, I’m working a part-time “corporate” day-job that gives me just enough income to fund my activities. I’m watching out for Riley and teaching him how to be self-sufficient again after having so abused his brain with alcohol that he only is able to function at the level of a pre-teen boy. I cook for him, clean for him, shop for him and set his TV recorder so he never misses an episode of NCIS. He could not afford to pay someone for all the things I do for him. In fact, when I have someone come in to help, it can cost as much as $50 an hour.

I was once worked for a Fortune 500 company in San Francisco. I wore designer suits to work and had standing appointments for my hair and nails. I worked from very early in the morning into the evening. I planned, facilitated, and attended conferences, conventions, seminars, workshops, meetings and teambuilding events. I couldn’t get through the day without my calendar. I made great money and it cost me great money in cash and time just to keep up the appearances and be away from my family.  I thank God every day that I no longer work in that environment.

In my dream world, I would be able to quit my day-job and find a way to make money on the things that give me the most satisfaction – my Immortal Alcoholic and OARS work. I would be able to help people and put food on the table at the same time. I don’t live in a dream world. I live in reality where the bills come in every month no matter how helpful I am to others. I can rack up hundreds of hours of “good deeds” but the electric company still wants cash.

So… as Sandy and I talked about feeling guilty about trying to make money off this horrible thing called addiction, we came to understand that the more money we make, the more we can benefit others. We discussed the fact that rehab centers make big money off addiction. Doctors, lawyers, hospitals, all turn a profit from addiction. Neither of us aspire to become multi-millionaires from doing what we do. We just don’t want to end up in the red or sacrifice necessities for the cause.

To the commenter who said I’m not real, I’m fundraising. Anonymous is half right. I am fundraising. But I am still real and Riley is still flourishing under my care. I’m helping about 1,000 people on average every single day. Just imagine how many people could benefit if I could afford more time and money to provide the avenues to reach them.

Anonymous – if you’re looking for a free lunch, well, I wish you good luck with that.