How happiness feels...

I woke up feeling especially grateful this morning. I’m up before the sunrise on a normal day, but today I was up and ready to go do whatever was on my list for today. AND there are lots of items on my list!

Yesterday Riley had an appointment at the medical doctors and he has ordered a neurological exam as well as a complete heart workup. This may lead to getting some help in the way of a home health aide or, maybe even, a placement in a facility. The appointment was more than an hour long and by the time it was over, the doctor was just as confused as I usually am. It was a good way to spend that hour.

I felt relieved that Carrot has made such an amazing turn for the better. Her surgery and my not being able to be there put a giant dark cloud over my head. I have talked to her and others have gone to see her and now she may be kicking around this world even longer than her kids!

Carrot’s daughter is her caretaker and is dealing with her own crisis involving her husband’s health. But, a couple of people have stepped up and made an effort to provide some assistance. I am especially grateful for their support. I wish more family members would take the initiative to drop off a casserole or pick up a prescription or do a bit of grocery shopping. But, that’s another story for another time.

I am grateful for having a new mentor in my life that is encouraging and supporting me to go forward with projects that I had simply pushed off into the far reaches of my brain. Her experience is beyond reproach and her faith in me is almost scary. When asked to help produce the documentary on alcoholism, I knew Riley’s story would not fit the criteria, but thought this to be such a beneficial project, I was determined to participate. I didn’t know the reward would come to me in the form of renewed self-confidence and determination within my own being.

Another recent surprise is how much my health has improved in just a month. I find myself waking up in the morning with a clear brain and focus. I no longer feel rushed to get every chore done by noon because I burn out by the time the noon whistle blows. I’m able to go outside and work in the flower beds or herb garden. My diabetes is completely under control. I no longer allow myself to be pressured to fix a 4-course dinner for Riley every evening. Several times during the week he simply gets a sandwich or TV dinner. If I feel that I am in pain or tired, I have no remorse in taking a nap or resting. I’ve lost a little weight, my blood pressure is not in the danger levels and I have a sense of regaining my health.

When my eyes opened this morning I felt so thankful for having the “besties” in my life that I have. There are three women in my life who know about the skeletons in my closet and they purposely have lost the key. Even when having “issues” we are still best friends. How could I NOT be thankful for that?

I got up, poured a cup of coffee, unloaded the dishwasher, made a meat loaf for dinner, and racked my brain for a name for the one-on-one coaching sessions that I hope will start as early as next week. I let the dog out and the cat in. I tried to have a conversation with Riley. I then locked myself in my office and started writing this post.

Of course, my life is still very difficult but for the first time in a very long time, I don’t feel as though I’m just surviving each day. For the first morning in many mornings, I woke up feeling useful. I have people to help and public speaking events to plan as well as getting my book into paperback medium. I have potential documentary stories to review and evaluate.

I wish I could reach out to each of you and give you a bit of the goodness I’m feeling today. I wish I had the power to touch you on the shoulder and transfer a bit of light into your world. I don’t know for how long I will have the feeling of comfort, maybe for a day or maybe just a few hours, but however long it lasts I want to make the most of it.

I am a lucky girl because for today, right this minute, I remember how happiness feels. Today I am happy.