I was trying to explain that leaving an alcoholic husband or partner doesn’t
mean you don’t love the person you’re leaving. It’s possible and sometimes more
practical to love someone from a distance. There comes a time when the
non-alcoholic must consider their own survival and express unconditional love
for oneself.
There are many practical reasons why non-alcoholic’s stay
with the alcoholic. There may be economic considerations or simply the fact
that the alcoholic has reached a point of no return on being able to take care
of his or her own needs. Maybe the vows you took in becoming a wedded couple
are the tie that binds you. Maybe you’re hoping there will be a change.
It doesn’t matter why you stay. It doesn’t matter what your
reasons are for going. What matters is that you put yourself as top priority in
your life.
I have loved a man unconditionally and have promised to
never abandon him. But there comes a point in time when that knowledge may lead
the loved one to taking unconditional love for granted. Limits may get pushed.
Arguments may take place and hurtful words exchanged. And that’s WITHOUT the
influence of alcohol.
When alcohol is involved everything is multiplied by at
least three. The hurts are deeper; the indiscretions are less discreet; the
consequences are more consequential. The one loving unconditionally must ask
the hard question about how much unconditional love can be tolerated before
reaching the breaking point. At what point is there nothing left to give?
This is the question that only the unconditional lover can
answer. Everyone’s breaking point is different and everyone handles different
situations in their own unique way.
For me – I get tired of doing all the forgiving and
receiving no forgiveness in return. I have a high tolerance level. But don’t
take that to mean that I won’t walk away. Sometimes I don’t walk – I run.
This was my life for 30+ years! Do I stay? Should I go? So many reasons why both made sense. In the end, I reached my breaking point. There was no longer any hope of recovery. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks we should do - it's strictly a personal decision...and thankfully, I just "knew". There was no longer any doubt, any "what ifs" tormenting me night and day. If, while reading this comment, you're plagued with uncertainty, take comfort in knowing that you CAN have peace of mind again. Pray for comfort, practice self-care, and make yourself your priority.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! I am still with my alcoholic husband 31 years later. He’s not able to take care if himself anymore and I’m tired and worn out. I am at my breaking point And I definitely have a high tolerance level. Unconditional love for self is a wonderful concept. I will not let this disease destroy me. I must keep myself at the top of my priority list! Thanks for always “getting it” ❤️
ReplyDeleteThere's always a phrase comes in our lives while we want to end up certain things which doesn't work out anymore the way we want. But is this the way to giving up over a relation or goal. Well I guess it's not about giving up on the so called relation which can't touch your soul anymore despite of it is getting misunderstood by us at certain level there's always a subconscious mind keep helping us to see the truth. So it's about charging yourself once again to the fullest. Start working on yourself to take your achievements to the next level. Let new opportunities knock at your door.
ReplyDeleteI am dealing with this issue now. My partner of 5 years has put me through it. I have tried to help and sacrificed my family, my business and my friends to help him get better. Last December he almost died and in February with a MELD score of 37 he received a 2nd chance by getting a liver transplant. Before agreeing to help him I made sure he knew if he drank again there would be consequences such as leaving my house and leaving his job which is my business. He didn't even make it 6 months sober. I found bottles piled up. I have to stick to my arrangement and he has to go. It is hard. I know that when he leaves he will most likely not keep up with meds or keep appointments.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand by and watch him destroy himself again. Probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I have to let him go and it is sad because I know the outcome.
I've been married one year , the drinking has increased even more than before. This is our 2nd marriage, I feel like its too much for me and my daughter. He told me he isn't going to change so deal with it or leave. I'm hurt because he can't see its destroying us.
ReplyDeleteHe's made his choice, now you need to decide what you can / can't tolerate. It took me 32 years - and it never got any better, even tho I kept hoping it would.
ReplyDeleteI think that when you walk out on the alcoholic you are just leaving somebody else to deal with him/her. You are basically saying your life is worth more than other people's lives. I think that is incredibly selfish.
ReplyDelete