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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Plan Is Flawed

The Plan
My plan is always to just let him go. Let the alcoholic come to its inevitable final conclusion. He will bleed internally and I will ignore the nosebleeds and weeping scabs on his arms and legs. I will pay no attention to the fact that he eats only spoonfuls of food that have often have been from a 3 week old leftover that has been hidden in the back of the fridge. When he stumbles over his own feet, falls down and loses control of his bladder, I will let him lie in his filth until he figures out for himself how to regain a vertical stance and clean up the mess. Well… that’s the plan…
The Flaw
The First Law of Robotics:  A robot cannot cause the harm of a human or through inaction allow a human to come to harm.
In order to adhere to the plan I can no longer view this alcoholic as a human being or remember that he is the father of my children or a person that I once loved and would lie down my life to protect. I must view this person as one who is not deserving of medical attention and or any attempt at preserving his physical life.
I don’t know how to do what I must do in order to fulfill the plan because to not care about a human life; to not make every attempt at prolonging or saving a life; feels somehow immoral. Although I’m not the epitome of virtue, I just cannot, in essence cause a person’s death by reason of non-action. For some reason, I feel I must adhere to the first law of robotics.
Maybe I’m not really a human, maybe I’m a robot that was built specifically for this alcoholic. Was there something my parents had neglected to tell me??

3 comments:

jo said...

i think this is a line we all walk and must choose for ourselves how we do it. it may change up some..it wouldnt be hard and fast set in stone rules..but for the most part, i dont bug mine to eat,,altho he always swears he is hungry and i cook and he wont eat it..argh..

its just tough linda. this is HARD. it changes up all we thought we knew...and shows us how gray life really is while they live in a black and white place.

hugs!

jo said...

something funny for ya..mine cut his toe somehow the other day..bled all over the damn floor. i said where are you bleeding from? not him! he wasnt bleeding. ummm yes, he has. then he said his blood was thick and he didnt bleed much. after mopping it up, i just shook my head about his reality. uh huh sure. pools of blood from one small cut on his toe! yeah, he clots well. ok.

Jayne Alexander said...

He was found dead. After months of legal fees and fighting for my pension and 401 K...he just died. Do I feel guilty? YES. After he was gone his family told me he said he was out of money and encouraged him to fight for my pension. Meanwhile, I found money in half the banks in town. Where he was well known...bottom line he had over $300,000. He had trashed our house...I had moved out 5 years ago. I had to have a clean out crew. Who wore masks and used an air filter to work in it. I took nothing. Tossed it all, had carpet ripped out and appliances thrown out...i walked away with half of what it should have been. Now I live in NC with someone wonderful...But he's not gone yet. I have to go up and scatter his ashes in 2 weeks. Does it ever end. Hold on. It will.