Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The road to...
I recently had major dental work done and have not been feeling is great. I have been lax about getting to the store to do the shopping. It has finally reached the point that we MUST do some shopping or Jax (the cat) and Jade (the dog) will be bbq-ing us on a spit in the fireplace for their next meal.
Yesterday was the day. I reluctantly handed the car keys to Riley so he could go to the store – alone – unsupervised. It was the first time in almost two years that he had ventured outside the house without my watchful eye.
I was nervous. Images of him entering the package store and downing a bottle in the parking lot were at the forefront of my brain. I found myself waiting for the phone to ring with a police officer on the other end telling me Riley was either in jail or dead from wrapping the car around a telephone pole. The fear created by those images made me physically ill.
But, before I knew it… there he was. He pulled into the driveway, greeted Jade and Maggie (Jade’s BFF) and then brought the grocery bags into the kitchen. It seemed he had not been gone long enough to have done all the necessary shopping. There must be something up.
I was wrong. Everything I had asked him to get was there. There were no signs of alcohol consumption at all. He was not the nervous little boy that had something to hide. He explained why he had to get a block of Swiss cheese rather than shredded. But I wasn’t listening – not really – I was just basking in the glory that the chore had been completed without incident.
Normally Alea takes me to my dentist appointments because I get very nervous and sometimes I must take something to help calm me down. But she could not take me this time. So… the plan for today is for Riley and me to make the 2 hour drive to the dentist office. While I’m in the dentist’s chair, Riley will be getting a haircut. Afterwards, we are going to dinner (if I’m feeling up to it) and then drive back home. Riley will be my chauffeur.
My only concern is the time when Riley is supposed to be getting a haircut. There are numerous bars in the area of the dentist office. I’m hoping he doesn’t decide that would be a better use of his time.
I’m encouraged by the shopping event yesterday and feel confident that he can handle this trip.
Of course, I have a back up plan, I just hope I don’t have to use it. After all, feeling confident of his continued sobriety is one of the stepping stones that will pave the way to his drinking again. The more I feel I can trust his sobriety, the more opportunities he will have to drink. And once he starts drinking again… well… I cannot prevent the consequences that may follow. I could be wrong because he is the Immortal Alcoholic and the consequences that should occur just don’t seem to happen.
Anyway… I will take one day at a time and trust him – just for today – that he will not drink.
at 7:44 AM