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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I'm tired...

It appears that having a “cooking” event in this area in the fall is not advisable. Evidently there is a flying critter issue – gnats – which would make it difficult to BBQ outside. We moved here last Sept and I noticed that we had a gnat problem, but I thought it was because we are surrounded by farmland. That’s not the case. I’ve been told that even downtown turns into Gnatville in the fall.

I have a reputation for thinking outside the box – I do “work arounds” for life’s complications. So, with the help of one of my readers, I have come up with an alternative. The event will be a Road-Kill Crock Pot Roundup. The ingredients are cooked in the contestants’ kitchen and then combined into a crock pot at the event. It can be anything – stew, chili, soup, bbq… as long as it gets cooked in the crock pot. I’m trying to work on a tag line like – The Road to Recovery’s Road Kill In A Crock” or something like that. Definitely open to suggestions on that one.

Funding is an issue as I do not have non-profit status. I’m attempting to set up the Brian Riley Foundation designed to provide support, education and resources for the families of end-stage alcoholics. This foundation would provide funding for events such as Road Kill as well as a website and referrals. It would host educational events and classes.

I’m also busy writing query letters and applying for writing jobs. And let me not forget about my real 9-5 job. So, it’s been fortunate that I’ve been able to delegate some of the errand running to Riley.

Well… I suppose it was fortunate.  As we all know… it was a slippery slope. I knew the risks and my disappointment was not unfounded. With each errand, Riley made a trip to the liquor store. And each errand resulted in an episode of drunkenness which in turn results in my not being able to send him to run errands.

The problem is complicated with the fact that I’m tired. I’m exhausted from being the policeman and explaining to Alea why he was able to get the booze. I want to just go buy him about ten of the “handle” size bottles of vodka and let him guzzle it down. Let him go into a stupor for a while. Let whatever happens happen.

The problem won’t be in the drinking… it will be when the booze flow ends and there is nothing left in the house for him to drink. That inevitability just leads me to another problem which would be -- what do I do next? Do I rush him to the emergency room as he goes into DT’s? Do I rush to the liquor store and buy him more? It’s a moral dilemma that I hate. I don’t think anyone should play God and sometimes I feel that I’m forced into making decisions that only God should make.

I’m tired. I don’t want to stop what my blog has started – the event planning, foundation building, answering the e-mails, posting on Facebook.  On the other hand, I’m tired. I need a break. It’s becoming harder and harder to remember why I started this. 


HyperCRYPTICal said...

Hi Linda.

You are undoubtedly a good, giving person - but at times you MUST consider yourself! You have taken the world on - for truly altruistic reasons and I totally admire and respect you for it - but you must now and again step back - for your own sake! You must have time out! You are tired - so your body and mind are urging you to take a break!

I recently had a 'mini-crisis' after losing my lifeline of the Internet and realised that I must consider myself.

Always here if you want to off-load!

Total respect.

Anna :o]

Ann said...

Linda, my Al Anon meeting yesterday was about taking care of one's self. In AA, it is said not to get too.....too tired, too hungry, too overdone. Please don't get 'overdone'. You are a valuable asset, and deserve peace of mind and serenity. The world is a better place for your enthusiasm, but don't let it burn out. Take care, take a bubble bath, let Alea sit with Riley for a weekend and get away for a day or two. Breath deep......

Syd said...

I agree with what the others wrote here. Take care of yourself. Do something that you like for fun. Understand what it means to let go and turn loose. Easier said than done but it is possible.