Details the effect of being a non-alcoholic person married to an end-stage alcoholic. Frustrations, trials, tribulation... and yet... there is comedy hidden in the insanity. This blog also provides useful insight and facts concerning the complexities of conflicting information.
Every once in a while, when I read some of the comments to
my posts, I take a deep sigh and step back. I take a little walk around the
property and breathe in the peace and quiet. Then I come back in, fix myself a
fresh cup of coffee (Dunkin Dark, 2 tsp sugar, and lots of real cream), and sit
in my big chair enjoying the creamy sweet liquid. It’s during this time that I’m
thinking about how to respond or what should be the topic of my next post.
Sometimes, during this time, I’m just putting my emotions in check so I can
When I started this blog (way back in October of 2010), I
never thought I would really become a public figure. I never expected that I
would sometimes be getting as many as 3,000 hits per day. But, for good or not,
it seems that I have, in fact, become somewhat of a public entity. I’m OK with
that because I know that I must be helping someone to be generating so much
interest. Someone somewhere is able to take the things I’ve learned and put
them to good use.
However, with all this popularity come the “other” people –
the ones who have a tendency to never see the good in anything. I know and understand that my point of view
may not be shared by everyone who reads my blog. Some people read it just to
see what kind of stuff I’m spouting off today because they may think I’m just
ridiculous. Maybe it gives them entertainment. That’s OK with me too. Whatever reason
they may have for reading the blog, is their reason and not necessarily shared
by everyone else who reads the blog.
I think what bothers me is that I feel I’m repeating myself
over and over again. Sometimes, I want to say… “You can find that info in the
post dated ____” , but it’s unfair of me to think that everyone has the time to
read the blog from beginning to end. We are all busy and there are 224 posts
not including this one. That’s a lot to read. So maybe it would be appropriate
for me to do a little review, so that even the readers new to my blog will
understand the background.
Here are some facts:
I separated in the mid 1990s because he was a womanizing drunk who refused to
get help or believe that he needed help. He had been through multiple rehab and
detox centers and each time refused to take the help offered to him. When he
retired from the Navy, he refused to take civilian employment because it
interfered with his drinking. As a result, we lost our home and two cars. Even
though I worked three jobs, I could not make ends meet enough to save our home.
However, Riley managed to find enough money to take his mistresses on elaborate
dates and weekends away. In a nutshell, this is why we separated.
2)I did not get a divorce because I knew that one
day the drinking would catch up to him and that he would need someone to take
care of him when he stopped being able to care for himself. I did not want my
children to be put in that position so we stayed married. Riley knows why I did
not want a divorce. Riley didn’t want a divorce either because he said it gave
him an excuse for why he couldn’t marry anyone else. It gave him an “out” of
the relationships he wanted out of. It worked for him.
3)I get NO money stipend for taking care of Riley.
I took over his finances when he came back to live with me and had to work very
hard to get him out of a bad money situation. I used my own money to help him
get even. Whatever money Riley has coming in gets combined into our joint
marital finances and is used to pay OUR bills and any expenses relating to the
fact that he cannot take care of himself any longer. Riley is not eligible to
be placed into a nursing facility because physically he is not in need of
nursing. To have him put into an assisted living facility would cost more than
his personal income and most of mine. I would be left with about $500/month for
my own living expenses. I can’t live on $500 a month.
4)I do not make any money for writing this blog. I
have been asked for permission to advertise on the blog, but am extremely
selective about what gets posted here. If something does not benefit my
readers, I will not post it. I am only open to advertising that provides some
meaningful advantage to my readers. Writing the blog is not a money making
activity. The only money derived is from the sale of my books and donations to
the OARS Group Fund. All these proceeds are applied to maintaining and furthering
the OARS Group membership sites and future live meetings. I do ask for
donations to the fund and I’m thankful for each and every one without regard to
the dollar amount.
5)Comments are encouraged. Not everyone agrees
with me and those comments are welcome as well as the ones that are in
agreement. What is not welcome are comments that are mean and hateful. You are
welcome to your opinion and I’m happy to allow that opinion to be read.
6)There are things inside the covers of my book
that you will not find on the blog. It is the most complete way for me to
communicate who I am and how I got here. Besides being factually informative,
it is also the story of a young girl groomed to become a caretaker. There are instances
in the book that will never make it to the blog. You can purchase it though
Smashwords for your e-book reader. It is not out in print, as I do not have the
money to make that happen.
That’s my review. Please use the comments to ask me
questions on topics you don’t feel I’ve covered adequately. I will do my best
to answer each and every one. I appreciate all my readers and I thank you for
being one of my followers.