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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Let's review...

Every once in a while, when I read some of the comments to my posts, I take a deep sigh and step back. I take a little walk around the property and breathe in the peace and quiet. Then I come back in, fix myself a fresh cup of coffee (Dunkin Dark, 2 tsp sugar, and lots of real cream), and sit in my big chair enjoying the creamy sweet liquid. It’s during this time that I’m thinking about how to respond or what should be the topic of my next post. Sometimes, during this time, I’m just putting my emotions in check so I can think objectively.

When I started this blog (way back in October of 2010), I never thought I would really become a public figure. I never expected that I would sometimes be getting as many as 3,000 hits per day. But, for good or not, it seems that I have, in fact, become somewhat of a public entity. I’m OK with that because I know that I must be helping someone to be generating so much interest. Someone somewhere is able to take the things I’ve learned and put them to good use.
However, with all this popularity come the “other” people – the ones who have a tendency to never see the good in anything.  I know and understand that my point of view may not be shared by everyone who reads my blog. Some people read it just to see what kind of stuff I’m spouting off today because they may think I’m just ridiculous. Maybe it gives them entertainment. That’s OK with me too. Whatever reason they may have for reading the blog, is their reason and not necessarily shared by everyone else who reads the blog.

I think what bothers me is that I feel I’m repeating myself over and over again. Sometimes, I want to say… “You can find that info in the post dated ____” , but it’s unfair of me to think that everyone has the time to read the blog from beginning to end. We are all busy and there are 224 posts not including this one. That’s a lot to read. So maybe it would be appropriate for me to do a little review, so that even the readers new to my blog will understand the background.
Here are some facts:
1)       Riley and I separated in the mid 1990s because he was a womanizing drunk who refused to get help or believe that he needed help. He had been through multiple rehab and detox centers and each time refused to take the help offered to him. When he retired from the Navy, he refused to take civilian employment because it interfered with his drinking. As a result, we lost our home and two cars. Even though I worked three jobs, I could not make ends meet enough to save our home. However, Riley managed to find enough money to take his mistresses on elaborate dates and weekends away. In a nutshell, this is why we separated.
2)      I did not get a divorce because I knew that one day the drinking would catch up to him and that he would need someone to take care of him when he stopped being able to care for himself. I did not want my children to be put in that position so we stayed married. Riley knows why I did not want a divorce. Riley didn’t want a divorce either because he said it gave him an excuse for why he couldn’t marry anyone else. It gave him an “out” of the relationships he wanted out of. It worked for him. 

3)      I get NO money stipend for taking care of Riley. I took over his finances when he came back to live with me and had to work very hard to get him out of a bad money situation. I used my own money to help him get even. Whatever money Riley has coming in gets combined into our joint marital finances and is used to pay OUR bills and any expenses relating to the fact that he cannot take care of himself any longer. Riley is not eligible to be placed into a nursing facility because physically he is not in need of nursing. To have him put into an assisted living facility would cost more than his personal income and most of mine. I would be left with about $500/month for my own living expenses. I can’t live on $500 a month. 

4)      I do not make any money for writing this blog. I have been asked for permission to advertise on the blog, but am extremely selective about what gets posted here. If something does not benefit my readers, I will not post it. I am only open to advertising that provides some meaningful advantage to my readers. Writing the blog is not a money making activity. The only money derived is from the sale of my books and donations to the OARS Group Fund. All these proceeds are applied to maintaining and furthering the OARS Group membership sites and future live meetings. I do ask for donations to the fund and I’m thankful for each and every one without regard to the dollar amount. 

5)      Comments are encouraged. Not everyone agrees with me and those comments are welcome as well as the ones that are in agreement. What is not welcome are comments that are mean and hateful. You are welcome to your opinion and I’m happy to allow that opinion to be read. 

6)      There are things inside the covers of my book that you will not find on the blog. It is the most complete way for me to communicate who I am and how I got here. Besides being factually informative, it is also the story of a young girl groomed to become a caretaker. There are instances in the book that will never make it to the blog. You can purchase it though Smashwords for your e-book reader. It is not out in print, as I do not have the money to make that happen. 

That’s my review. Please use the comments to ask me questions on topics you don’t feel I’ve covered adequately. I will do my best to answer each and every one. I appreciate all my readers and I thank you for being one of my followers.


Jan's Sushi Bar said...

Those other people are called "trolls" and really should be ignored. If they persist in commenting, block them! I have a food blog - a FOOD blog! - and I get nasty comments quite often, some of them of a very personal nature.

I love your blog; it's been a huge help in guiding me in how to deal with the alcoholic in my life.

Niecey said...

Linda, when I first started reading your blog, I took it upon myself to go back and read past entries. Partially because its an interesting read. You really do have a gift for writing. But mainly because I take it upon myself to inform myself as much as possible about a subject or person before I comment on something. I feel that is my personal responsibility. Maybe its just the way I was raised? Some may say I'm being pompous but I feel that unless you take the initiative to inform yourself about a person/subject, you have NO RIGHT to judge (or comment). Otherwise you're just being a narcissistic blow hard.

I follow several personal blogs and have went back to read all of their previous entries. Maybe its just me.

Niecey said...

Plus, there is a way to politely disagree with someone without being a total ASS about it. I used to get really angry with some of the negative comments towards you. Its like I took it personal and felt the need to "defend" you. However, once I stepped back and thought about it I came to the conclusion that these "trolls" [thanks Jan's Sushi Bar ;) ] aren't worth the aggravation. Plus, you're a big girl Linda. I have no doubt that you can take care of yourself. ;)

jo said...

sometimes you do have to revisit...i wish i had a e reader! not yet...not this yr. lol.

good stuff,linda. im sure your rich ...hhahaha....but even if you were...for tending to riley, it would be well deserved.

and if you were, you would have hired nurses...not yourself.

some people are so stupid...ignore those.

you have helped me and so many others...you have no idea. !

Kathy said...

I am glad he has some resources to help. My husband is only 54. He can't keep a job. And now he can't work at all. He is very close to the end stage of his disease. I have worked a full time job and a part-time job for 3 years. We recevied some money from his parents' estate recently so that enabled me to stop working the 2nd job, for a little while, until he drinks all the money away. Thank you for your blog. It helps me so much to know I'm not alone.