For the past month I have not posted on the blog. I have not answered e-mails. I have only very marginally been active in the support groups. I have taken a break from all things alcoholism. The only exception is that I held the workshop event as planned.
I’m feeling refreshed, renewed, relaxed and can see how all
the alcohol related activities have been sources of stress. I’m also feeling
guilty. I’ve gone back over my (130+) e-mails and I’m concerned that I can’t
address each one individually. I feel guilty because I did not respond to them
in a timely manner. I’m going to try to respond to the running current theme of
the messages on my next post. Hopefully, that can help several people at a time
without each receiving an individual response.
In the OARS Family and Friends Group, I always stress the
need for the family and friends to find a way to have a productive and
satisfying life outside of the alcoholic chaos. Call it detachment if you want.
I call it survival. The goal of the group should be that the member finds
strength enough to stand on their own and be confident in their own decisions.
The goal should be that they not NEED the group so much but are able to give
their insight to others who are still in need.
Personally, helping others through the alcoholic maze has
been a means of survival. I found strength in helping others survive. Doing
research and posting the results, participating in OARS discussions, writing my
own life journey (The Immortal Alcoholic’s
Wife—available on Smashwords),reviewing books by new authors, and finding
new means of reaching out, have all been a part of my route to survival. It has
been expensive, not just financially, but emotionally and physically. Oh, there’s
so much more I would like to do – but my financial, emotional and physical
budgets seem to be running tight these days.
At first, when I agreed to this little vacation, I thought…
so what am I supposed to do? Sit around and watch QVC and re-runs of Oprah? Get
fatter from trying all the recipes on cooking shows? The idea of this did not
make me happy. I couldn’t imagine not having anything to do. I promised my kids
that I would take some time to see how retirement feels. I said I would “try it
on for size.” So I would see it through to the best of my ability.
It took some effort on my part to focus only on the event
and nothing else. When the event was not as big of a hit as I had hoped, I took
it as a sign. I cleaned my office. I cleaned my bedroom. I took naps. I watched
SpongeBob Square Pants the Movie nine million times with my great-grandson. I
scanned family photos. I enjoyed watching the sunrise and began sleeping
better. I realized that I didn’t NEED the alcohol related work as much as I
thought I did. I discovered that I didn’t do it because I needed to but rather
because I wanted to do it. However, I want to go zip-lining and hang-gliding,
but know it is probably not something I should do.
I’m not retiring this blog. I’m still going to be posting
here. I’m still going to try to address concerns of those who write to me. But
things are changing. I will no longer be able to answer each and every e-mail.
Instead, I will continuously offer the link for joining the OARS support group.
(http://oarsffgroup.ning.com/?xgi=4R6sAeUek4uZ9X
) That’s my recommendation for being one of the best sources of support for people involved in
alcoholic insanity. But, you won’t find me there as often as I have been in the
past. I will lurk… interject… just not so often.
One of my goals has been the formation of OARS as a
non-profit organization. I’m no longer pursuing that goal. Instead I have (and
will continue) to encourage the members to go forward with that project and
make OARS non-profit a reality. I will be here to support and advice, but
cannot take on the responsibility of such a long-term commitment. This endeavor
needs someone who can commit to several years of getting it off the ground –
someone younger and in better health than I. There are several people within
the group who truly want this to happen and are willing to make sacrifices to
see it happen, but they all have regular jobs and time limitations.
If anyone who reads this is interested in helping with
sponsorship or mentoring or taking on the task – please contact me and I’ll put
you in touch with the people who are actively trying to make a go of keeping
OARS going and turning it into something as big as we all think it can be.
I’m not sure about continuing with the workshops. I haven’t
made that decision yet and unless I get another grant – I don’t have the money
to do it up right.
I’m not retiring. I’m just taking a step back. I’m finding,
or rediscovering, other uses of my time. I’m writing another book containing
real-life stories of people who have walked in the shoes of loving an
alcoholic. (If you have a story you want to share, please e-mail it to me.) I’m
collaborating with two other family members to write my family history book. I’ve
promised a family cookbook with my Mom’s recipes – time to make good on that
promise. I rediscovered my passion for
writing when I began this blog. It’s time to use and expand that passion. It’s
time to take my own advice.
1)
Guest post for the blog with new information or
insight;
2)
Help in making OARS a non-profit organization;
3)
Have a story you would like to see in my next
book (all stories are identity-protected);
4)
Suggest a topic for a blog posting.
Thank you for being my faithful readers. Thank you for
providing me support and encouragement. Thank you.
