- A good woman cannot sort him out. All the understanding, love and compassion in the world is not enough when one is in the grip of this horrible disease.
- When the question is “Didn’t you know he was an alcoholic when you married him?” The answer is NO!! I didn’t know he was an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
- Alcoholics are incapable of giving back… they are takers.
- It IS possible to live with an alcoholic while detaching and protecting yourself. If there is no abuse, you CAN make it work. Please don’t judge me because I stay.
- You want me to WALK away?? Walking away from my 70 year old father is like putting a child on the freeway and walking away.
- When others see or interact with the alcoholic, the alcoholic is on his/her best behavior, at home they relax, drink and the crazy train gets rolling.
- Unless an outsider is living in it, they cannot really understand what it is like as alcoholic’s are good at putting on a show.
- They are master manipulators.
- The uncertainty of your future. You don’t know what will happen next, let alone a year, You cannot plan anything.
- Anyone involved with an alcoholic must light their own candle, feed their own soul, learn to meditate or the non-alcoholic will become sick as well.
- One great day has no guarantee on the next and vice versa. I love my alcoholic mother as I find her and I walk away when I have had enough.
- The hardest thing is the secrecy connected to alcoholism. Keeping the family secret of my father’s alcoholism was extremely stressful. When the secret is out, there is then the feeling of betrayal to those who wanted it to remain a secret. But, you don’t stop loving the alcoholic as a person.
- The alcoholic will say and do anything to get their fix. They are driven, but only toward booze and not toward anything that would take them away from the booze.
- In one person’s opinion, alcoholism is a form of mental illness. For many, a horrendous event may have happened to drive them to want to “not feel anything.”
- The almighty bottle is the most important thing in their life, even though they don’t really want to be in it. Many detrimental things can happen such as a loss of the marriage, jobs, children, friends; they may serve time in jail for DUI’s; suffer from injuries and illnesses; and they will still want to drink.
- It is mentally taxing on the caregiver.
- Even a happy drunk has an evil side that is abusive and destructive. Alcohol is a mistress who destroys everything in a slow, manipulative and steady manner. It’s a cancer. Early detection has higher percentages of recovery. But let the cancer grow and it will consume not only the alcoholic but everyone surrounding the alcoholic.
- One person said she wished someone had given her a clue that they had a hint of what she was dealing with in a supportive non-confrontational way. Knowing I wasn’t crazy or alone in dealing with the insanity would have been the best gift towards the healing journey.
- Leaving or staying is not a simple as it sounds. Before deciding for me what the outsider thinks I should do, they should know all the pros and cons of each direction.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Before making judgments...
It’s so easy for people who have never experienced life with an alcoholic to make comments or judgments without all the facts. I founded a support group for caretakers of end-stage alcoholics and recently posed a question to all the members. The question is:
What is the ONE thing you would like other people to understand about living with an alcoholic?
The answers to that simple question are not at all as simple as the question. Some of the responders couldn’t answer with only ONE thing. Here are the results:
I thought their answers were very open and honest. I also hope that anyone who wants to make a judgment about decisions made by caregivers of an alcoholic, think twice about the question that is about to be asked.
To join either of the two support groups, either the one on Facebook or the one on the independent site, please e-mail with your e-mail address to:
Please up "support group" in the subject line. Both these groups offer support and resources to family and friends of alcoholics without judgment or criticism. OARS F&F = Our Alcoholism Resource and Support (for) Families and Friends.
at 9:27 AM