One of the OARS group members expressed some difficulty she
was having in trying to find a doctor to treat her alcoholic husband. She surmised
that he is in end-stage, but has nothing to go on except what she has read in
this blog and her own instincts. In a rare moment of sanity, her husband told
her he wanted to go to the doctor if she could find one that would see him. Of
course, he did not want one who would insist upon detox or rehab.
Mrs. X began her search and quickly realized that her task
was harder than she had thought it would be. After several days of phone calls,
she was about
to give up and tell her husband she had failed, when her husband announced that he would like to go to the hospital. She called the paramedics and was transported to the local emergency room.
to give up and tell her husband she had failed, when her husband announced that he would like to go to the hospital. She called the paramedics and was transported to the local emergency room.
Mr. X was examined and admitted for pancreatitis and several
other alcohol related maladies. But to really figure out what the doctors were
telling her, she had to go home and refer to her Wikipedia. That was how she
learned to get the answers to her questions and understand all the medical
jargon.
Now that things have calmed down a bit, she asked me how I
was able to find a doctor who would treat Riley while he was still drinking.
Well, Mrs. X, I can tell you without a doubt that it was certainly not easy.
When I tried and failed, just as she had, so many times, I decided I must find
out answers for myself. I did what anyone who uses a computer would do. I
consulted with Dr. Google. In turn that
lead me to the NIAAA website where I read everything I could about alcoholism
from the biological point of view. I took those terms, conditions, etc. and
plugged them into Wikipedia. The further I dug, the more there was to learn.
When I thought I had learned the basics of what I needed to
know, I compiled the information into a matter-of-fact order. Then there was
more research. Only this time, I researched for physicians who would be more
open minded when it came to alcoholism. I looked at things like, the doctor’s
age, where he/she went to school, military experience, specialties, etc. In short,
I learned everything I could the doctors before I ever picked up the phone. I
knew I was seeking a doctor between 45-55 in age, preferably served as a
military medical professional, experience dealing with alcoholic patients, and
a friendly attitude.
After getting my list together, I began making phone calls.
I asked straight out, if the doctor had served in the armed forces and if they
had actively drinking alcoholics as patients. If I got the right answers, I asked
if I could make an appointment for my husband. When asked if my husband was
interested in detox or rehab, my answer was always no. However, I made sure
there was a logical reason for him to see the doctor – i.e. I suspected he had
injured his shoulder and that injury needed treatment. I never said, that I
expected the doctor to treat the results of the alcoholism – there was always
some other issue that needed to be treated. Sometimes it was that he was congested or he
was having many nosebleeds. Remember, you don’t want to say that you want them
to take his alcoholism away. We all know that’s not a realistic request.
Now that you have the doctor’s appointment make sure to take
a copy of your medical power of attorney with you for their files. The POA is a
“must have” for anyone who is involved in any type of caring for an alcoholic.
Once that piece of paper is in his file, you will have access to all the
information that the doctor has including lab reports. The lab reports may be
vital to you in calculating his projected life expectancy using either the
Child-Pugh or MELD Scores. Also take with you the medical, detox and rehab
histories, family medical history, and, all the basic information.
Once you are inside the examining room and have a chance for
a face-to-face with the doctor, remember to treat the doctor with respect and
speak to him in a respectful manner. This should be a no-brainer, but even I
often have wanted to scream at the doctor and say “Are you kidding me right
now???” But, hold your tongue. Even if this doctor may be a bit condescending,
remember that you want something from this person and to best way to get it is
to use honey not vinegar (as the old saying goes). When you get home, you can call
a friend and tell her/him about the stupid doctor, but for now, in this moment,
he is the king of your world.
Ask questions. Even if you know the answer, ask every
question you think is relevant. Asking questions is a way of showing interest
and the desire to work WITH the medical community. The alcoholic may not be
able to do this, he/she may not be able to show respect – it’s up to you. You
are the sane one and you hold the key to getting what you want.
Oh… What is it that you want? Make sure you know what you want before you ever get to the doctor’s office. When
asked, “How can I help you today?” One of the best answers is “I have some
concerns about how my husband/wife’s drinking is affecting his overall physical
condition.” State that he/she has had some issues and you are not sure if it’s
part of the drinking or not. If not, maybe those issues should be addressed.”
Make sure you convey that you are interested keeping this person as healthy as
possible even though your spouse may not want to become sober. Let it be known
that you want straight-forward honest answers even if the truth might seem
harsh or hurtful. You do understand that he will die if he doesn’t stop and you
are prepared for the inevitable but in the meantime all the other bumps and
boo-boos may need to be addressed. Ask what you can do to make things easier.
If you want him to be considered for hospice – ask for it. Don’t be afraid to
ask for what you want.
Now that you’ve developed a
relationship with this doctor you may be surprised how supportive he and his
staff may be. It has always worked for me, so I hope it works for you.
WORKBOOK for
CARETAKERS
of END-STAGE ALCOHOLICS
BINDER FORMAT
The perfect way to tract your alcoholic’s health with charts, graphs,
record and history keeping. Also contains explanations and definitions of a
variety of alcohol related health issues; resource listing; and instructions on
how to use the compiled information.
Now in BINDER FORMAT!
Includes the printed pages from the CD version;
Three ring binder;
Section dividers with printed labels;
Pocketed inserts for loose papers;
The CD version of the book
All arranged and put together for your immediate use.
All arranged and put together for your immediate use.
To
get your copy go here:
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