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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Immortal... the definition of

Immortal –

Definition of immortal in English in the Oxford Dictionary:

Adjective -- Living forever; never dying or decaying

This definition goes on to say that humans are not immortal but their souls may be. I don’t think the authors of the Oxford Dictionary ever met or heard of Riley.

On Wednesday, Riley’s primary care doctor made a
visit and informed me that Riley is getting better, stronger, and most likely will not meet the criteria for continued hospice care as of his recertification date in January. Doc told me to prepare for the loss of the aide who comes daily to help care for him. Even though Riley is physically improved, he still needs a caregiver. He cannot take care of himself. This is déjà vu all over again.

I am preparing. I do have some irons in the fire and I won’t jinx any of it by writing it about those irons today. I’ll wait until I know for sure what is what. In the meantime, I’m taking advantage of everything hospice provides for me while I still can. I’ve asked for a 5 day respite so I can get some rest and re-charge my cells. Thank you to everyone who donated for me to be able to stay in a hotel for a few days. I almost have enough to cover the cost of the room. If you would like to join in the effort to allow me a quick get-a-way, please donate by clicking the donate button.

If you’re wondering why I need to go somewhere to rest, it is because I need absolute peace and quiet. I have three small children in my house and they don’t understand that Grandma needs to sleep at 3 p.m. in the afternoon. I need to be away from the ringing phones and people knocking on the door. I don’t want to cook my meals or wash the dishes. I just want 3 days of uninterrupted quiet. I need to de-stress. My health issues need for me to de-stress.

When I’m back from respite, I’ll be ready to tackle the New Year. There will be presentations and another book or two. I plan to be far more visible. My goal is to make 2016 a pivotal year for The Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife.

What about Riley, you may ask? There are plans to hire someone to stay with him a couple days a week freeing me to return to having a life of my own. If and when I am able to place him in a nursing home, that’s where he will be. It doesn’t really matter if he degenerates over the next few weeks or if he gets out of bed and dances the jig. I will still take back my life and not change my plans. I refuse to let Riley dictate or destroy my life, my health, my ambition and/or my happiness.


Harry said...

I will donate..you need rest! My A mother fell in june and broke hip at the assisted living ctr dementia care area. Of course I was told she probably wouldnt survive the surgery, rehab, etc. Yea right! She survived.. her dementia became worse..she refused rehab most days... As of this moment at the skilled nursing center she refuses to get out of bed, incontinent both bladder and bowel, has not eaten much the last 6 weeks. I can put my hands around her calve area and my fingers touch. Could this be it?... I have researched how long this could last and am not finding much..everyone is different...and deep down I believe she is immortal too. Luckily she is in a skilled nursing center and I am fighting thru the medicare BS to get her covered (a whole other post!)...I still say she may outlive me...but trying to prepare otherwise mentally and emotionally...tough going thru this alone...I think its only going to get tougher seeing her waste away..not a great way to go in my opinion. Bless you and all you do! Karen in Florida

MRP said...

Hi Linda:
Do you have a Marriott Rewards account, and Marriott hotels nearby?

Immortal Alcoholic's Wife said...

Harry -- Thank you. To donate please click on the donate button on the post. I appreciate the fact that you understand what I'm going thru.

Immortal Alcoholic's Wife said...

MRP -- There are many Marriott's from Richmond, VA to Virginia Beach, VA which are all easily accessible for me. I do have a Marriott's Reward Card. Send me an e-mail at LDoyne@live.com. I appreciate you donation more than you can know. Thank you so very much.

the fairytale that wasn't said...


I stop by every few days to see if Riley has, mercifully, died, and am dismayed by the news from your last two posts. I've made a small donation; all I can at this time of year. I wish it were more. I so hope that you can get your brief getaway and find a way to get Riley into a nursing home soon. No one should have to go what you are.


Anonymous said...

What happened to Riley's cancer? Did it go into remission?

I don't understand why he can't be placed in a nursing home. I work in one, and I have residents who are in far better shape than Riley, as you describe him. One resident has cirrhosis of the liver, and lives between the hospital and the nursing home. She's not in hospice, but confused and unable to take care of herself.

Riley really is immortal, as his doctor says he's getting stronger. He's survived a stroke, cancer, and end-stage alcoholism. Few alcoholics even make it into their 60's, much less their mid-70's.

I don't know how or why you do it, but I hope that you live long after he is gone.