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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Strength in numbers...

There is strength in numbers. When the numbers consist of parents who have children addicted to drugs or alcohol, the strength becomes super-human.

The is a movement a foot – a wave of angry parents are reaching out to the court systems of Virginia to initiate a change in how drug related cases are handled. They use the State of Ohio as a model of what they hope to create in Virginia. Please click the link below and watch a short video:

 I’ve been asked to help organize a group of 16 parents who desperately want to help their children. I have accepted the challenge to help the group grow from an idea to a reality.

Many times on this blog, I have stated that I have very little experience with drug addiction. While the basic concept of addiction applies, there is a whole set of facts that are different from alcoholism. Addiction is addiction – I get that. But heroin addiction in a young adult feels (to me) very different from a 57 year old man downing a bottle of vodka and case of beer on a daily basis.

I hate to say this, but alcoholism has become popular. There have been lots of publicity and advertising as well as movies and TV shows, dealing with alcoholism.  It has only been in the past couple of years that we’ve been seeing more about drug addiction, especially heroin. It’s time to make some changes.

Where I live, and in a 50-mile radius, heroin addiction is at epidemic levels with teens and young adults. Everyday I see or hear of a young person losing their life to overdose and “bad batches”. Ironically, as told to me by a local first responder, when the kids hear someone has died from heroin, they want to buy from that same batch/person. The reasoning is that it had to have been some “really good stuff” and they wouldn’t have to use as much.

These kids – young adults and teens – believe they are invincible. They believe they are the immortal addicts because in their drug soaked brains they believe they are smarter. Who are they smarter than? Smarter than the police. Smarter than their parents. Smarter than the EMT’s. Smarter than everyone. The mind set is “I know something you don’t know and I’m not telling you what it is I know.”

While I say that I have very little experience with drug addiction, I have had close encounters. Several close relatives have fought their own battles with drugs. Some of them were successful in their fight and others failed – fatally. So while I haven’t lived in a house with a drug addict, I am familiar with the pain and suffering of the people who love addicts. I’ve seen the look on parents faces as they try to make sense of the death of their baby to something like heroin. I’ve had to turn away family members who bang on my door in the middle of the night because they need money for a fix. I’ve run to the rescue to people who have claimed to be sick but really are “jonesing” for white powder.

Accepting the challenge does not in any way diminish my dedication to the families and friends of alcoholics. I’m just adding a dimension to my causes. I hope my readers will stand by me and continue to help me make a difference to society.


jude said...

I applaud you interest in helping parents with drug addiction in their families - so unpredictable in behaviors and failure in recovery constant. In attending an ALANON meeting locally, the number of drug addiction problems amongst the group is growing. The grief and suffering in the faces of these parents is heart breaking. I've had to stop attending regularly as the stories, sadness, and focus on latest behavior encountered has taken over the meeting and focus on the needs of Alcoholic families has taken back seat. I understand the need, believe me, but the needs of the Alcoholic families is now overshadowed and the needs trivialized by comparison. A group should be separately formed and the families of drug addicts need a different kind of help and perhaps some new guidelines, even a professional leader to start them off.

Immortal Alcoholic's Wife said...

Jude -- I promise you and all my readers that I will NOT abandon the loved ones of alcoholics. If I can help get this organization going I believe I can make make it work for both druggies and alcoholic loved ones. Eventually, I think I can turn the drug portion over to someone who can keep it going. I'm still working on all my other projects with alcoholism focus. Taking care of Riley has made me less available that I would like and I hope that changes in the near future. I'll try to post some other outlets for the alcoholism families. I appreciate all my readers and followers. Thank you for your loyalty. -- Linda

Rebecca Lambert said...

I am A 49 yo woman, who can relate. I am so hooked on alcohol, and Kratom, Just saying someone died seems attractive. I don't think so much because it will be a great high, as that I want to die from my addiction, and that would do the trick.

I recognize that my death will hurt, but somehow, I couldn't get the people around me to recognize my hurt, just their own. After I die, they will remember what a great Mom, Wife, Sister, Friend I was. Even though they haven't called me in several years, they will show up to my funeral, and tell my husband how sorry they are, while they will also let him know what a saint he was to put up with me. What they wont know is that he avoided me for 10 years, took half my money, and hid his savings, while refusing me any of the basic necessities of life. Food, clothing, and even a roof over my head at times, WHILE, I made the majority of the money, paid for our healthcare and Christmases, birthdays, groceries, etc. Once I was too sick to work, I was not allowed any money, not even for a soda, I often went hungry while running errands, and never was able to go see friends, lest I be threatened with divorce.

Tomorrow, I am packing a bag to leave. I am confused as to whether I have an alcohol and drug problem, or a husband, family problem.
When you go through years of people following you around, searching your belongings daily, and humiliating you at family events, you find that it is better to lay drugs around, tell them you have relapsed (even if you haven't) and put everything right in their face. This way, everyone gets calm. There are no secrets, no aha moments, no, I gotcha! No child taking care of the parent, and no one hiding in the tucking bushes, and certainly, they quit searching through your things, so they can have a family meeting where they all tell you how much you have hurt them! When is it my turn to tell them how they are screwing me up. I can't see friends I have loved since I was a teen. I can't even go to a memorial for my best friends son (my nephew that we raised together for nine years). I'm not allowed to be around her, because whe.

Thanks for letting me spew this out. I know I am dying, but for gods sake, let me go in peace, and maybe if my family gets sane at some point, they can join me on my journey. God knows, they have not been with me on my journey for the last 11years, and they have made it extremely hard to be myself. I love them, but hate them at the same time. I have given up being close, and now just want space. We are all sad, it isn't fixable, because I CANT FIX IT, BUT IM EXPECTED TO! I just want to pack a backpack at age 49, and just go, or, I want to have someone accept and recognize that I'm near death, this is something we all get to do! Let me do it with some support! I want to spend the next year alone, or with people who accept me. Maybe a commune?

Holy shit, this was long, and likely doesn't make sense. If it does, you must be in the same boat I am. Hit me up, and we can talk. Maybe we can go together? Not to death, just to the last road trip of our lives. I'm going to sign everything over to my family, so there is no more financial concern, then I am going. Date, September 27th, 2016. My email is rebeccalambert911@gmail.com

If you feel like I do, and want to go out on an adventure, then tied to some bed by your loved ones, let me know. I'm all game!