Details the effect of being a non-alcoholic person married to an end-stage alcoholic. Frustrations, trials, tribulation... and yet... there is comedy hidden in the insanity. This blog also provides useful insight and facts concerning the complexities of conflicting information.
There’s a fresh crispness to the morning air these days. It’s
much more enjoyable that the scorching hot air that won’t let me take a deep
breath. Autumn is on it’s way and I’m welcoming it with open arms.
This is also Labor Day Weekend. Spouses and loved ones of
alcoholics will most likely not greet the weekend with open arms. For us it’s
just another weekend that will provide the opportunity for the alcoholic to get
drunk and stay drunk the entire time. It won’t matter that it’s the last chance
to do things with the kids before they head back to school. It won’t matter if
the weekend is spent on a beach or in the mountains. No matter what else is
going on – there will absolutely be drinking, drunkenness, accidents,
arguments, inappropriate behavior and crying. There will be lots of tears.
While families all over the country are looking forward to a
weekend of fun and relaxation, others are gridding their loins for what’s ahead
over the next few days. Instead of preparing for a good time, they are
preparing for a potential disaster.
To those “other” families your chance to change things is at
your fingertips. You can focus on your kids, yourself and others affected by
the alcoholic. You have the power to make this a great weekend and be happy for
it rather than dreading the next few days.
Start with the facts:
1.The alcoholic is going to drink. There’s nothing you
can do about that.
2.The alcoholic may try to sabotage anything you try to
3.The alcoholic doesn’t care if it’s important to you or
the family to have a happy and peaceful weekend.
4.You can’t change the alcoholic’s mindset.
5.It’s important to you to provide the family with the
weekend they need.
6.You can make a change.
Once you understand and accept those facts, you will be able
to move forward. Forget about the alcoholic’s wants and needs. Forget about the
anger and resentment he will try to force upon you. Don’t become a party to his
Quietly go about planning the weekend you want. Want to have
a picnic at the local park? Quietly go about packing the basket. Tell the kids
you are going on a picnic the morning you are to go. Invite friends to join
you. Do not invite the alcoholic. Then go have a wonderful picnic in the park.
The point is to just plan whatever activity you want and
then do it. You don’t need permission from the alcoholic. You don’t need the
input or the “help” the alcoholic may want to provide. You can tell him you’re
going (if you want) but don’t invite chaos to your party.
This is the way to start regaining your independence. Start
with something small and work up to bigger things. Eventually, you’ll feel
comfortable doing things on your own. You won’t feel as though you are only
half of a married couple. You will be a strong ONE of two separate entities.
It’s Labor Day weekend, but this could be your Independence Day
weekend. It’s your choice. Do you want to be the alcoholic’s “laborer” or the “Statue