Survival. That feels like a whole sentence in just one word. It’s a command, hope, and/or an objective. It can also be a noun or a verb. Interesting. There’s another sentence in just one word.
Saying that my life as the wife of an alcoholic was
difficult only touches the tip of the iceberg. When Riley died I wanted to get
out of the alcoholic world forever. My kids encouraged me to make that change.
They saw my involvement with alcoholism as being chained to the past. So I took
their advice – or more accurately – I tried to take their advice. But, that
meant leaving more than 20 years of lifestyle behind me and ignoring all the
strings pulling me back.
When an alcoholic quits drinking they leave a known,
familiar, lifestyle behind and adapts to something new and different. The same
thing happens for the people that surround the alcoholic. They must adapt to
what is unfamiliar and possibly uncomfortable. Even though everyone is moving
into a healthier lifestyle the change is hard.
My change from being the alcoholism blogger, author, and, coach,
to just being a regular person was not an easy thing. I FAILED. I still
took phone calls from people in crisis; answered e-mails; and occasionally
wrote a blog post. I told myself that I left alcoholism in the dust because I
began a new journey in my life. But, it was (and is) still there. It sits just
behind my left shoulder and whispers in my ear to remind it is still a part of
my life.
Was I really a failure? I’ve thought long and hard, had
several discussions, and decided that I am not really a failure. I’ve just
altered the course of my journey. I’m still focused on having the best life I
can but “my best life” includes bits and pieces of alcoholism. After close to
30 years of being involved In the devil’s brew, I find it has become a part of
who I am.
Hello! My name is Linda and I’m a happily regular person who
is also a clothing designer, a mystery book author, and alcoholism survivor. I’m
open and available for advice, feedback and discussions in designing, writing
and alcoholism.
You can find me at:
www.spoiled-sweet-boutique.com
My books are available on Amazon:
Workbook for Caretakers of
End-Stage Alcoholics Temporarily
Dead
Posting Trust
No On
Posting Two Chaos
Came to Dinner
Surviving the Chaos
Immortal Alcoholic’s Wife Huh?
ABCs of Understanding Women
The Immortal Life of Riley That
Reminds Me
You don’t have to fail at making the change from the
alcoholism world to the “regular” world. It’s a change you can make and keep
for a lifetime. It doesn’t matter what the alcoholic is doing. It only matters
what YOU are doing to maintain some semblance of sanity. Take alcoholism out of
your playbook. Focus on what you like and move the alcoholism energy to what
you like. Alcoholism will still be there. It will be trying to take over your
entire focus, but don’t let it. Tell alcoholism NO and go back to what you
like.
OK. I know the word NO is hard to say. Practice saying it.
When a commercial comes on TV tell it NO. When the dishwasher skips a cycle –
say NO and start the dishwasher over. Offer no explanation, just the one word
NO. You can do it. After a while it won’t be so uncomfortable.
Here’s a little exercise: Send a comment that says:
Hello! My name is _______ and I’m (striving
to be) a _________ person who is also a _____________, and alcoholism survivor.
I’m open and available for advice, feedback and discussions in ____________ and
alcoholism.
I’m looking forward to seeing how you changing the focus in
your life.
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