Saturday, February 23, 2019

Life is a circus

Way back when Riley was diligently attending AA meetings, I would sometimes go with him. That’s where I heard the phrase “Not my circus.” Then I heard it again in an Al-Anon meeting. I liked it. I liked the phrase meaning that I did not have ownership of what the alcoholic was doing.

Alcoholics are the ring masters of their own chaotic circus (life). They own the monkeys that seem to swoop around under the big top without any rhyme or reason. The clowns that get in your face and juggle bowling pins are all under the control of the alcoholic ring master.

As a non-alcoholic, you can do one of two things… buy a ticket and watch the show or walk away without ever entering the tent. The one thing you can’t do is to stop or change the program. You can sit helplessly while the clowns torment you with their antics and the monkeys pick at your hair… or you can go down the road and see a movie in the darkness of a local theater where  the noise comes from the story line on the silver screen.

What the alcoholic does is not your circus; not your monkeys; not your clowns. Everyone in this world has a circus (life) that belongs only to that individual. You own only the chaos you create. You can only control the monkeys that are running around in your head. With that being the case, you can only change the things under your own big top. You, and only you, are the ring master.

What kind of circus do you want under your big top? Do you want one that encompasses philharmonic instruments playing classical music; acrobats flying through the air; children singing rock tunes; recliners with reading lamps and shelves full of books; or, maybe various kitchen set ups with an endless supply of ingredients for your chef skills?

What I’m saying is that your world is yours and ONLY you get to decide how you want to live it. If your energy is spent trying to be the ring master’s assistant in the Alcoholism Circus, you won’t have enough left over to create or manage your own circus (life).

I have bought the tickets and attended many of Riley’s various circus events. It never went well. I always wanted my money back but the ticket wasn’t paid for with dollars and cents. It’s an emotional price and there are no refunds.

My emotional money is best spent at the spa getting a mani/pedi. Let the alcoholic hold all the circus events he/she wants – I have better things to do with my time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Absoultely love this. And thank you! Left my second attempt to love an alcoholic after 6 months.

Left my first attempt to love an alcoholic after 18 months and being totally unsupported through a second trimester miscarriage.

There were 20 years between my 2 alcoholics. Nothing changes in the circus. The acts remain the same, though the actor who was performing had changed.

My tolerance for circuses is wanning quickly in my old age. I am grateful to have torn up my ticket.