Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I drink because I'm depressed, I'm depressed because I drink...

About a month ago, one of the greatest actors in our time, Robin Williams, admitted himself into the Hazelden Addiction Center in Lindstrom, MN. He had publicly announced that he was an alcoholic back in 2006. It is unclear, so far, if Mr. Williams, had been drinking recently.

In my opinion, alcohol is a chameleon. It is disguised to be the thing you need, when in fact it is exactly what you DON’T need. The advertising says liquor creates fun when in fact it creates chaos.

In my youth, I remember going out with a group of friends with drinking as the means to “lighten up” and “enjoy the moment.” The next morning, I did NOT enjoy that moment hanging my head over the toilet.

I hear young people now who are very excited about the idea of going out and getting so drunk they can’t walk – “I’m going out and I’m going to get sooooo drunk…” Then you hear about the fights, hook-ups, and general bad behavior nonsense and I have to ask myself, why was that was so much fun?

Later on, if I had a tough day at work, I’d open a bottle of wine and have a few glasses just to take away some of the stress. All the wine usually did was make me open up about my stressful day and re-live it over again. Guess what? The stress was right there in my office when I returned to work.

Our society drinks alcohol. It is a fact that cannot be disputed. We are a society that uses alcohol to celebrate happy times and alleviate the pain of bad times. In my opinion, our society creates situations that generate alcoholics and then we shun them as though they are less human than those of us who are not afflicted with alcoholism. Alcoholics must hide the fact that they are alcohol dependent because they do not want to be labeled as being something as distasteful as an alcoholic. Of course, that’s just my opinion.

Robin Williams was depressed, or at least that’s what the news media is telling us. I believe it. I have no reason not to believe it. However, I wasn't at his house when he died and I have no first-hand knowledge of what actually happened. I only know what the publicity agents want me to know.

What I do know is this: Depressed people often mistakenly turn to alcohol to give them that “pick me up” that they need because the hype is that it will make them feel better. It is not unusual that people mask or medicate their depression with alcohol. However, alcohol is a depressant and the more alcohol consumed, the more intense the depression. The alcohol takes over and the voluntary action of drinking to medicate turns into drinking to feed the alcohol addiction which is making the depression worse. It becomes a descending spiral that leads to many physical complications generating the need to mask other pains from such things as liver failure, coronary heart disease, brain damage, etc. The alcohol now has complete control over the depressed person and adds the gift of poor physical health.

The only way out is through some form of rehab/recovery program. However, if the program only treats the alcoholism and not the depression, the chance of relapse is strong. In my opinion (again), when an alcoholic is admitted for detox and follows with rehab, the rehab portion should be in conjunction with intensive psychological therapy to get to the root of the depression. Without the treatment of the depression it is like removing only half of a cancerous tumor. The tumor just continues to grow and eventually kill the patient.

The first movie that made me fall in love with Robin Williams was Good Morning, Viet Nam! Many of my friends had fought in that war and since Mr. Williams was close to my age, and I had married a Viet Nam vet with PTSD issues, this movie was very relevant to me.


Having had my own life threatened as author of this blog, I understand why celebrities sequester themselves from the prying eyes of the public. There is a danger in notoriety. It’s too bad that celebrities must hide their anguish and put up a brave front for fear of letting all of us “fans” down.  If I could say something to Robin Williams before he did whatever he did that caused him to leave us, it would be: “Thank you for the laughter you bring into my life. If you ever need someone to help you remember that your life is worth living, you can call on me.” I doubt he would have called… but I would have left that door open not because he’s a celebrity, but because he is a human being.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

FREE tickets!!

Do you want to go to the Raleigh seminar in September? Are your funds low and because of that you think you will have to miss all the great info and fun? Here's how you can go for FREE:

Send me an e-mail (LDoyne@Live.com) with the names of ten people that you have signed up for a reservation. When all ten people have paid for their tickets -- I'll send you a FREE ticket!!

But wait -- it gets even better -- Sign up 25 people and you get a FREE ticket AND also get a room for the night before the seminar with includes "Breakfast with Linda"!

------------------------------------

Want to go to a seminar, but not in Raleigh? Choose one of these cities:

  1. Washington DC -- October
  2. Lake Worth, FL -- November
  3. Columbus, OH -- December
Send me an e-mail and let me know that you are interested in attending in that city. I'll put you on the mailing list and send you details when they become available. Once the hotel site is confirmed, you will have the same opportunity for a FREE ticket as the attendees at the Raleigh seminar.

-----------------------------------

Want to go to a seminar in a city that is not listed? Send me an e-mail with the name of the city that you want on the list and I'll add it. If I get tentative commitments from 20 people, I'll move your city closer to the top of the list.


Monday, July 28, 2014

The Immortal Alcoholic: Fun with alcoholism?

The Immortal Alcoholic: Fun with alcoholism?: One of my goals after creating the OARS F&F Group (Our Alcoholism Resource and Support for Family and Friends) was that eventually I&#39...

Fun with alcoholism?

One of my goals after creating the OARS F&F Group (Our Alcoholism Resource and Support for Family and Friends) was that eventually I'd be creating live support groups all over the country and maybe even the world. I know, I know, that's a lofty goal. In light of the realization that creating live groups is a bit premature, I've decided to do something that is kinda the next best thing.

On September 27th, 2014, I will host a seminar on the subject of alcoholism. The topic will be the Twelve Stages of Alcoholism as seen through the eyes of a spouse who has seen her husband's transformation from heavy drinker to end-stage alcoholic. While giving my presentation, I will ask for audience interaction and participation. Instead of me standing at a podium and spewing out an endless stream of words, I'll be asking for the audience for input. Some people would rather keep their mouth shut while others may be anxious to join in -- speaking up is not a requirement -- but it will be an option.

The day will not just be about alcoholism. I'll be joined by an instructor of Zentangle. This will be a first encounter for me with Zentangle -- which is, as I understand it, a way to achieve a semi-meditative state through scribbles and writing. I've seen some Zentangle work and it is beautiful. When I asked Barby, the instructor, to explain Zentangle to me, she said writing a repetition of shapes and/or letters can help the mind relax and become open to rest. When she explained that, I thought -- I'd love a way to just stop thinking about "things" for even a few minutes. I invited her to join me in this seminar and I'm so happy that she agreed. Materials for this exercise is included in the price of the seminar.

I went to a caregivers seminar once and there was a "Laughter Yoga" session. I was so very impressed that I learned to do some of the exercises myself. It's not really exercise like sweat and raised heart rate. It's more like learning to laugh at things that hold absolutely no humor at all. Throughout the seminar I may sprinkle in some of that laughter yoga just to take a break from the seriousness of the subject.

What would a day at a seminar be without some awesome grub!! Lunch will be included. It will be a sandwich and salad buffet.

If that isn't enough to entice you make reservations -- I will be encouraging networking by not serving dessert until the networking portion begins. Enjoying cookies and brownies while meeting new people gives an opener for conversation. Networking may connect you with someone who is in a similar situation and create an opening for mutual support.

Let's not forget about the door prizes!! There will be several just waiting for you to claim if your name is pulled from the hat. There will also be something special for the person who traveled the farthest; the driver of the carpool that transported the most attendees; and there will be another drawing from the people who stayed at the hotel. Don't worry if your name isn't pulled -- everyone will receive a gift bag when they stop at the seminar registration table before the event.

But wait!!! The hotel has reserved a block of rooms at a discounted rate just for this seminar. If you spend the night before at the hotel, you can have breakfast with Linda at the hotel breakfast bar. This is just a casual meeting without an agenda and a chance to see exactly who The Immortal Alcoholic's Wife really is behind the words and videos.

This event will be in Raleigh/Durham, NC, at the Comfort Suites Raleigh/Durham Airport at 5219 Page Road, Durham, NC 27703. To book a room, call 919-314-1200 and ask for the Linda's Front Porch rate.

The next seminars will be in Washington DC, Lake Worth, FL, Columbus, OH in that order. These are the cities where followers have asked me to hold an event. If you want a seminar in your area, leave a comment and I'll put that city on the calendar.

Order your tickets now for the Raleigh/Durham seminar at the early bird rate of $40. After August 15th they will increase to $45.  Because no one likes going to something alone -- Special bring a friend rate -- purchase one ticket at full price and get the second for $25. (Only one $25 ticket per full price ticket). How to get your tickets?:

Send an e-mail with SEMINAR in the subject line to 
LDoyne@live.com with your name, address and e-mail address prior to payment.
Be sure to include the info for the friend if using the "bring a friend" rate.
I'll respond with your total cost payable via PayPal or check.

Credit Card through PayPal; PayPal account: LDoyne@live.com

Checks -- Payable to Linda Doyne, mailed to 227 Foreman Lane, Belhaven, NC 27810
(Checks must arrive before September 15th to allow time for them to clear the bank.)

At the door without prior reservation- $50 cash, check or credit card. 

I hope to see many of my North Carolina readers and maybe even some from Virginia or South Carolina at this informative and fun event. Mark your calendar for September 27th, 2014 and get your tickets now!

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Regular comments are back!!

I just figured out how to go back to being able to post comments without the Google+ thing. Please feel free to post comments without having to be a subscriber to Google+ Circles!

Adventures in Cancer Land...



I know the end of this video may generate some hostility, concern, controversy... whatever... please leave all you both positive and negative comments on my www.lindasfrontporch.com website in the Immortal Alcoholic page.

In a nutshell...

Ever since Riley had his heart attack and was released from hospice back to me, I have steadfastedly refused to allow him any alcohol. Now, I'm wondering why I did that.
At the appt to have an ultrasound on his tumor last Wednesday, we discovered that they don't want to do an ultrasound, but rather a CT scan. OK. I'm fine with that -- so let's do it. Whoa-- we have to make an appt for that... soonest they can get him in is in 4 weeks! Hmmm... I thought everything about cancer was urgent and needed immediate attention for best results.
But the shock and awe doesn't end there. While telling us that he wants a CT scan rather than the USound, he explains that he would rather go in and surgically remove the tumor because he doesn't feel Riley's health is in good enuf shape for chemo and radiation. Well... if the surgery is easier, then why not? The why not is because he will most likely lose any of his remaining bowel control. I don't know if that means a bag or what. I was too busy trying to take it all in to ask the question.The doctor seems to think it's an acceptable sacrifice. He is certainly entitled to his own opinion.
But... let's break this down... Riley already dislikes his life... he has no social contact, cannot use the computer, isn't allowed to drink, can't drive. His entire day consists of sitting and watching TV. He already feels he has no life. Now consider this -- he had been having very bad diarrhea and only recently has the issue been resolved due to a simple change in medication. He now has control over something -- the ability to poop like a normal person. If that's taken away -- what kind of quality of life will he have since he already feels there's no quality to his life anyway?
I asked Riley if he understood what the doc had said. He said "only marginally." I tried as best I could to explain.
His answer was -- "I don't want surgery. I'll stick with chemo and radiation and see what happens. I've been told so many times that I'm going to die -- doesn't he know that I'll probably survive this too. AND still have no life."
I don't feel that I can argue with logic like that. I gave him a glass of wine with his dinner tonight.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Comments posting...

I signed up for Google+ Circles which includes comments from this blog. I didn't realize that in order for my readers to comment, they must sign up for Google+. That complicates things because I know many of you don't want to do that. You may easily post comments on the new Linda's Front Porch site. Simply go to the site and click on "The Immortal Alcoholic Blog", you will find a "comment" section under each post. Please post any replies there.

Everything I post on this blog is now being simultaneously posted on Linda's Front Porch, www.lindasfrontporch.com. Plus there are extra things of a more personal nature in Linda's life on that site.  Please be sure to check that site if you are wanting to comment.

Thank you...

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Learn to be happy...




Comments to Kelly Flint -- Please post your comments to Kelly on www.lindasfrontporch.com under Immortal Alcoholic Blog and subtitle, Kelly's Korner.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

A brand new website

Your are formally invited
To view my new website
Provide your opinions…
See the special surprise…

Give me feedback.

After nearly 800,000 hits and over four years, I felt it was time to change things up a bit.  I found I was putting things in several different places on the web. There was two websites for support groups, one for the blog, one for writing... it just seemed all confusing and difficult to keep up. So I created a place that has everything in one spot. 

It isn't totally done yet but the majority is up and running. I'll be making changes and smoothing out the rough edges over the next few months or so. This site will continue and I have no plans to take it down. However, there are more things on the new site and I'm sure you don't want to miss anything.

Please take a look and tell me what you think either on this site or the new one.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Do just one more thing

When you think you've done everything you can, do just one more thing.