This blog reinforces that there is life after spending a decade of being a non-alcoholic person married to an end-stage alcoholic. You will still find posts from the original Immortal Alcoholic but the new direction is that of SURVIVNG after the chaos. You will still find useful insight and facts concerning the complexities of being a part of an alcoholic's collaterally danaged.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Sadly...
I recently issued a challenge to rehab centers to tell me about their family programs. The ones I liked would be featured on my blog. Sadly to say there were NO rehab centers who responded from the USA. However, Chris from Gladstones Clinic in Bristol, England, was excited to share with me the aspects of their family program. Although their program does not meet all my criteria, I decided to feature them anyway simply based on the fact that they truly understand how important a family program is. See their post below.
Gladstones Clinic in Bristol, England
Why should family members come to Gladstones Clinic, either on their own or as part of a client’s family?
We invite families to Gladstones clinic to participate in one of our family days that take place weekly and is a huge hit as family members are able to share their experiences with each other and the addicted loved one in a group setting. Families are encouraged to share their individual journeys of trying to cope with the consequences of the addiction which can often be frustrating, worrying and an extremely helpless time that in many cases has lasted for many years. We have found that an extremely high percentage of family members have ended up experiencing one or both of the following two things before their arrival at Gladstones:
1. Feeling anger, frustration and exasperation, which they repress until an explosion point which then results in arguments and even aggression or violence being flung back at them by their addicted loved one. Needless to say there is great potential for harm here.
Or
Or
2. Not being honest with the addicted loved one through either fear of the above or fear of upsetting the addicted loved one who the family member believes can't cope with stress and wants to protect in hopes that the abuse of substances will reduce or stop. The family “pretends” everything is fine, stays silent and tries to carry on boldly. This places an unfair burden of responsibility, guilt and stress upon the innocent family members themselves.
Either way, both responses can actually enable the addicted loved one while causing unnecessary harm and or stress to the family itself. This does no one any good. We aim to
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Heart attack, stroke, alcoholism
Riley and I spent a good deal of time with a Veterans
Administration doctor last week. Of course we had to give her some history of
previous illnesses, hospitalizations, etc. I mentioned that he had a heart
attack in 2012 and has not been drinking since then. I was surprised to hear
her say “Alcoholism does not cause heart attacks or strokes.” I disagreed with
her and was met with a kind of stern look. I replied, “In my research, I
discovered that excess drinking can cause cardiacmyopathy.” Then I dropped the
discussion.
This is a trained doctor who should know and understand the
affects of excessive drinking on the human body. But, for some reason, she
doesn’t seem to be educated in that aspect of anatomy or in alcoholism. I guess
it really isn’t her fault. Doctors get very little education on alcoholism.
They have to opt to take the special programs on that.
For those of you who have gotten the same erroneous info, I
wanted to give you a little education on how excessive drinking can lead to
heart attacks and strokeks.
Alcoholic Cardiomyopathy is the name of the disorder that refers
to the
Friday, February 19, 2016
Advertising standards
I received a comment that I did not publish and I want to
explain why. The comment was from a recovery center and it contained a e-mail
link to a representative of the facility. I checked their website and it looks
like a wonderful place to get sober. However, I did not find a lot of
information on what they can do for the family. It says they provide an “education”
for the family, but they don’t elaborate other than to help prevent relapse. In
all fairness, they are a rehab/recovery center and they treat addicts and
alcoholics. The family is not their primary client. I get that.
There is very little advertising on my blog. I tried it once
and it seemed that the pop-ups just cluttered up my format. I don’t charge a
fee for being mentioned,
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Rain, snow, popcorn, sheets
I’m feeling a little scattered today. My thoughts run from
one thing to the next without much of any sense of direction. I’ve had a lot of
stuff going on with Riley, the blog and just life in general.
Yesterday we had so much snow that you couldn’t see through
it. I think that’s called a “white out.” It was beautiful but deadly. My
daughter ended up in a field when she attempted to get to work. Icy country
roads don’t give a big hoot about four-wheel drive which just doesn’t help when
driving on ice. Both she and the car came back home without any injuries.
OK. So here my wandering mind goes… a white out, to me, is
when you are able to get the white out and the stains gone if you are washing
sheets or anything
Sunday, January 31, 2016
I didn't mean it...
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” How many times have
we heard those words? The fact is that alcoholics never intentionally hurt
those who love them. And they are always sorry. But as sure as I’m sitting
here, it will happen again and again. Each time there will be “I’m sorry. I
didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I don’t really care to hear the alcoholic tell me “I’m
sorry.” Those words mean nothing to me. Telling me you are sorry and actually
being sorry is two different things. Let’s examine the phrase declaring that
someone is sorry which can apply to anyone and not just to alcoholics.
First we hear: “I’m sorry.” Why are you sorry? Are you sorry
you got caught? Are you sorry that you did the offending thing? Are you sorry
that someone else got hurt? Are you sorry that someone else is angry with you?
Are you sorry that you weren’t smart enough to keep your actions a secret? Just exactly what is it that you makes you be sorry?
Exactly what does saying I’m sorry mean? Does it mean
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Opiate addicted family member
I hope my readers can help me. I'm seeking family or friends who are concerned about an opiate addicted elderly person. I'm doing some research and need some input. Please contact me at LDoyne@live.com with "opiate" in the subject line.
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much!
Sunday, January 17, 2016
I dare rehab facilities to take this challenge!
I was sitting in a waiting room when I struck up a
conversation with another woman. It turns out that she was also the wife of a
retired submariner. Her husband has long
since passed and she spoke freely about the long deployments and lack of communication
and the parties with free-flowing booze. Both our husbands were dedicated Navy
men who put the families on a shelf and took them down when they wanted to be
fathers and/or husbands. The similarities were eerie.
Back in the day, the command would reward the men with
barbeques and baseball games. There was plenty of hamburgers, hot dogs, steaks,
salads and kegs of beer. The wives watched in dismay as the men over-indulged
Sunday, January 10, 2016
My respite get-away
Day One
I arrived at TownPlace Suites by Marriott and checked into
my “studio” suite. The space felt clean and fresh. The bed was covered with a
pristine white coverlet over the cleanest sheets I’ve ever seen or smelled.
There was a kitchenette that was completely stocked with everything I would
need to prepare a full meal even if I didn’t plan on doing so.
After unpacking my toothbrush, I settled down on the bed
that seemed to have been created just for me. I was in heaven and fell to sleep
before I knew it. I awoke
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Annual optimistic arrogance
Here we are. We’re here every year, year after year. There’s
nothing we can do to stop it and I don’t know anyone who would want to if they
could. It’s the New Year. It comes with fresh new hopes and statements of
adamant changes in lifestyles. In our optimism, we have images of brighter days
and calmer nights. In our pessimism, we
dread what we know in the deeper recesses of our being is the logical outcome
of this bright New Year.
Each year I start out thinking that I will strive to do
things differently. I will pledge to write a chapter each week in the next
book. I clean out my
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