Parallel Race

This week marks the end of any extra help in caretaking Riley. About a week ago I received a call from our Veterans Administration social worker and was told that they were assigning me 12 hours a week from a personal care aide. The very next day I received another call from the same social worker that my 12 hours had been taken back because the VA has discontinued the program that gives that benefit to any veteran who does not have a service related disability. I will have no aide, no respite time, and the visiting nurses paid for by Medicare are at their end of time. We have physical therapy and occupational therapy for another week. Then I’m on my own.

Riley has improved under the direction of the PT and OT. He can now get out of the bed and into his wheelchair. He can also get to the shower and have a real chance to clean up. I should be happy for him. He can do those things but requires

Alcoholic Shades of Gray

After receiving a comment from a reader, I thought a bit of clarification might be in order. Let me see how I can explain this.

I am a senior woman and I own a black dog. Not all black dogs are owned by senior women. Not all seniors own a dog. Not all women own dogs. Not all seniors are women and not all women are seniors. Does that make sense?

I do not believe that all people who drink alcohol are alcoholics. Not all people who get drunk occasionally are alcoholics. If you have a drink after work or wine with dinner, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are an alcoholic.

I asked Riley to tell me what an alcoholic looks like. After all, who would know better than a self-professed alcoholic? He replied that if you

Can dreams come true?

In my disappointment of rehab centers to provide quality family programs, I mentioned that there should be a recovery center just for that segment of people. I got an overwhelming positive response to my idea. That response got me to thinking that maybe this was something I could do. So I started doing research.

How does an individual without funds and not-so-great credit get the funding necessary to even begin such a project? I asked a friend with a thriving business to give me some pointers. He suggested crowdfunding to get the funds to get started with the basics. Once I have the basics, he suggested fundraiser activities, such as seminars, dinners, etc. Then once I am an actual working business to make the business non-profit to be eligible for grants. The key, says my friend, is in the marketing and to do marketing I will need the crowdfunding money. Makes sense to me. This idea is starting to sound possible.

The next step is to write up a business plan. I got a great template from SCORE and started filling it out. This is where I needed to know what the recovery center would offer and how people would pay for the services. I know what I would like, but that may not be possible at this time.

My dream family recovery center would offer several types of programs. First, there would be an in-house, residential, stay of four or five days. This program would include group and individual

Sadly...

I recently issued a challenge to rehab centers to tell me about their family programs. The ones I liked would be featured on my blog. Sadly to say there were NO rehab centers who responded from the USA. However, Chris from Gladstones Clinic in Bristol, England, was excited to share with me the aspects of their family program. Although their program does not meet all my criteria, I decided to feature them anyway simply based on the fact that they truly understand how important a family program is. See their post below.

Gladstones Clinic in Bristol, England

Why should family members come to Gladstones Clinic, either on their own or as part of a client’s family?

We invite families to Gladstones clinic to participate in one of our family days that take place weekly and is a huge hit as family members are able to share their experiences with each other and the addicted loved one in a group setting. Families are encouraged to share their individual journeys of trying to cope with the consequences of the addiction which can often be frustrating, worrying and an extremely helpless time that in many cases has lasted for many years. We have found that an extremely high percentage of family members have ended up experiencing one or both of the following two things before their arrival at Gladstones:

1. Feeling anger, frustration and exasperation, which they repress until an explosion point which then results in arguments and even aggression or violence being flung back at them by their addicted loved one. Needless to say there is great potential for harm here.

Or

2. Not being honest with the addicted loved one through either fear of the above or fear of upsetting the addicted loved one who the family member believes can't cope with stress and wants to protect in hopes that the abuse of substances will reduce or stop. The family “pretends” everything is fine, stays silent and tries to carry on boldly. This places an unfair burden of responsibility, guilt and stress upon the innocent family members themselves.

Either way, both responses can actually enable the addicted loved one while causing unnecessary harm and or stress to the family itself. This does no one any good. We aim to

Heart attack, stroke, alcoholism

Riley and I spent a good deal of time with a Veterans Administration doctor last week. Of course we had to give her some history of previous illnesses, hospitalizations, etc. I mentioned that he had a heart attack in 2012 and has not been drinking since then. I was surprised to hear her say “Alcoholism does not cause heart attacks or strokes.” I disagreed with her and was met with a kind of stern look. I replied, “In my research, I discovered that excess drinking can cause cardiacmyopathy.” Then I dropped the discussion.

This is a trained doctor who should know and understand the affects of excessive drinking on the human body. But, for some reason, she doesn’t seem to be educated in that aspect of anatomy or in alcoholism. I guess it really isn’t her fault. Doctors get very little education on alcoholism. They have to opt to take the special programs on that.

For those of you who have gotten the same erroneous info, I wanted to give you a little education on how excessive drinking can lead to heart attacks and strokeks.

Alcoholic Cardiomyopathy is the name of the disorder that refers to the

Advertising standards

I received a comment that I did not publish and I want to explain why. The comment was from a recovery center and it contained a e-mail link to a representative of the facility. I checked their website and it looks like a wonderful place to get sober. However, I did not find a lot of information on what they can do for the family. It says they provide an “education” for the family, but they don’t elaborate other than to help prevent relapse. In all fairness, they are a rehab/recovery center and they treat addicts and alcoholics. The family is not their primary client. I get that.

There is very little advertising on my blog. I tried it once and it seemed that the pop-ups just cluttered up my format. I don’t charge a fee for being mentioned,

Rain, snow, popcorn, sheets

I’m feeling a little scattered today. My thoughts run from one thing to the next without much of any sense of direction. I’ve had a lot of stuff going on with Riley, the blog and just life in general.

Yesterday we had so much snow that you couldn’t see through it. I think that’s called a “white out.” It was beautiful but deadly. My daughter ended up in a field when she attempted to get to work. Icy country roads don’t give a big hoot about four-wheel drive which just doesn’t help when driving on ice. Both she and the car came back home without any injuries.

OK. So here my wandering mind goes… a white out, to me, is when you are able to get the white out and the stains gone if you are washing sheets or anything

I didn't mean it...

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” How many times have we heard those words? The fact is that alcoholics never intentionally hurt those who love them. And they are always sorry. But as sure as I’m sitting here, it will happen again and again. Each time there will be “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I don’t really care to hear the alcoholic tell me “I’m sorry.” Those words mean nothing to me. Telling me you are sorry and actually being sorry is two different things. Let’s examine the phrase declaring that someone is sorry which can apply to anyone and not just to alcoholics.

First we hear: “I’m sorry.” Why are you sorry? Are you sorry you got caught? Are you sorry that you did the offending thing? Are you sorry that someone else got hurt? Are you sorry that someone else is angry with you? Are you sorry that you weren’t smart enough to keep your actions a secret? Just exactly what is it that you makes you be sorry?

Exactly what does saying I’m sorry mean? Does it mean

Opiate addicted family member

I hope my readers can help me. I'm seeking family or friends who are concerned about an opiate addicted elderly person. I'm doing some research and need some input. Please contact me at LDoyne@live.com with "opiate" in the subject line.

Thank you very much!