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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Friday, March 30, 2012

You don't scare me...

Dear Readers –

Since March 22nd, I’ve received three e-mails of a hostile, negative nature that have been disturbing. They have increased in intensity to the point of being physically threatening. This person prefers to harass me via private e-mail rather than as a public comment on the blog. If this person has not had their e-mail hacked, then I know who she is and where she works.

Here’s the deal – this person has told me to drink poisoned Kool-Aid and lie down in the dirt and die. You may rest assured; I will not be doing that. I will not respond to her hate mail by sending a reply.

However, what I feel I must do is to change the way I accept people as members into the OARS Group. If you wish to become a member of the OARS support group, please e-mail me and tell me a little about your situation. After that, I will determine if you are a lurker or someone who truly wants what we have to offer.
I am accustomed to some negativity, but this goes beyond a simple difference of opinion. I will not be scared away from posting on the blog. I will not be frightened into not sharing information with my readers. I will stand tall and continue to share my journey as support to others in my situation. No one can put enough fear into me to make me stop.

Signed,
Linda Jane Riley

20 comments:

Syd said...

Linda, I'm sorry someone is sending hate mail. Good for you to let it go and to continue your blog and other writing. I think that some people are miserable and try to impose their misery on others. Have a good weekend.

Gerry said...

My guess would be that the reason this person is sending you hate mail is because her or she is jealous that your blog is striking a chord in a number of readers. Perhaps she has tried to blog and it has not caught on, but I think of the misery you are going through and feel a lot of people are responding to your pain, too. I know how completely exasperating drinkers can be. I kept dreaming last night about my companion previous to Doc who died of lung cancer. I was close enough to him I often slept in his apartment, but eventually his cigarette smoking affected me to the point I had to start sleeping at home, until the last month of his life when I was his caretaker, although he had not given up smoking. His father was such a bad alcoholic, starving his family and ending up on the street after his mother threw him out for trying to molest their daughters. Pierre tried very hard not to become the kind of alcoholic his father was and largely succeeded, even though his ex wife had to put him in rehab a couple of times. The first year I knew him I never saw him drunk, and sober he was one of the most delightful men, hard working, charming, and could not do enough for others, but his childhood was nether the less tragic because he quit school at 8 and refused to go back saying he had to go to work to help support the family. The tragedy was I think he ended up prostituting himself while very young for money, just like you hear of young male children doing on the street. This was something he would never talk about, well, last night he seemed to be opening up to me in a dream. Talking about something that scarred him for life, but I could not quite make out what he was saying, but I look forward to being reunited with him in the hereafter as he was a good friend. Not as brilliant as Doc but he was raised speaking French and learned to speak English without even an accent. He was Canadian.

Eclectic Bohemian said...

Very well said, Linda! I just don't get people sometimes, really don't. If you disagree with someone, so be it. Nothing wrong with that as long as you can debate in a calm and respectful manner. Why someone feels the need to be malicious and spew his/her negativity; I'll never understand.

This person obviously has serious issues.

-Peace

Alice said...

Linda, I'm sorry about this - what an awful person. I think you should consider reporting them to the police if they've made threats.

Your blogging helps carers, recovering alcoholics like me, and I'm sure many others who are learning about the realities of being an end-stage carer. I'm glad you won't let this person cower you.

x

ADDY said...

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately there will always be nutters in this world who really have nothing to contribute but vile hatred. God knows why. I am so glad you are not going to be beaten by this.

Suzanne said...

Keep the faith. We need you.

Kyra said...

Linda, this person obviously has no idea who she is dealing with! Doesn't she realize that what you have been through has made you so strong and to think that you could be intimidated by a few emails from an obviously unstable person is absurd! More power to you, Linda! And yes, thank you so much for being here.

Signed... the daughter of an Immortal Alcoholic.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for bringing so many of us together Linda. The support I feel from all of us in such similar situations has been a godsend to me.

Love, the friend of an immortal alcoholic

Anonymous said...

So sad that this person is being unkind, you are such a brave and strong woman dealing with the harsh reality of living with a an alcoholic.

I find your blog reassuring and read it when I'm down and scared. When I read this blog I realise I'm not alone.

Love the sister of an immortal alcoholic.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry..this is so wrong on so many levels. I for one came across this blog by accident, I am trying to stay sober myself and this insight into the other side of the story has been a BIG help for me. Stay strong and take care.

Anonymous said...

Stay strong! I'm so upset that someone would behave that way, send you those messages. Why add on any additional stress or unpleasantness when you're already coping with so much? You do not deserve those harsh words and I hope you have the love and support offline that you need and deserve.

Is there any way you could get some time away, maybe just a day to do something relaxing with your daughter? Dinner, movies, spa day... just something lovely and frivolous and away from all this.

Bloomingstargazer said...

Wow! That is so sad! Why would she not want you to continue?! I don't understand..... Don't let it go too far (if it hasn't already, and use legal action if necessary. I know that may be extreme, but people must learn that they may not threaten others. It is simply unacceptable. Keep doing what you do, Linda. As so many others have said, "WE NEED YOU!"

Beth said...

Dear Linda,

I will never understand some people's need to spew hate towards others they don't know personally. That old adage about not passing judgment unless you've walked a mile it thier shoes still stands today. This person is clearly suffering from some mental health issues to be so incensed by your personal struggle that they must send you death threats is very scary. I would seriously think about involving the police. There are strict laws surrounding Cyber Bullying, which I would think this falls into.

Positive thoughts and lots of love heading your way Linda. Thanks for giving us a caring and NON JUDGMENTAL place to vent our feelings.

Beth said...

I did a little research Linda and clearly you should speak to the police about this person.

When identifying cyberstalking "in the field," and particularly when considering whether to report it to any kind of legal authority, the following features or combination of features can be considered to characterize a true stalking situation: malice, premeditation, repetition, distress, obsession, vendetta, no legitimate purpose, personally directed, disregarded warnings to stop, harassment, and threats.


Seems to me this fits Linda!

Lori said...

I'm a long time reader but this is the first comment I have left. I just wanted to suggest you report your cyber bully to the police. If they did in fact threaten you I think it should be reported, the police will likely do nothing with the info right now, but in case it escalates you will have documented your concern already and can forward any additional threats to the authorities which would likely get your bully a little visit from the po-po. Also, I assume they are reading this blog and will know the Immortal Alcoholic's Wife don't play games. That is all, take care of yourself.

roxanne said...

Way to go Linda! I can't imagine someone being that ridiculously ignorant but..... brain damage is everywhere and so is ignorant. Just know that I support you 110%! I love your blog and I love the support page. It has done more for me than anything else I can think of!

Anonymous said...

Linda you are an inspiration to me and many others...who deal daily with alcoholics..caregivers ..where else can one get knowledge of alcoholism but via someone that lives it daily..your own experiences and those of others can only be to the benefit of others going thru the same things..i admire your strength your honesty and your heart...don;t let anyone tell you otherwise..keep doing what you are doing it is right on so many many levels for those who don;t understand keep your opinions to yourself its not wanted here..how dare you bully/and threaten anyone!

Anonymous said...

Linda, I found your blog while my alcoholic ex-husband was in ICU on life support being diagnosed with liver failure in front of our two middle school age children. I feel sorry for the person who is so unhappy in their own life as to attack you in yours. Speaking for myself, your blog and group have been a life line and true blessing for me in this crazy time. I will be forever grateful for your courage!!!

Anonymous said...

I support everything you do, your blog has helped me maintain my sanity through a very insane situation. I do hope you report it to police for your safety.

The wife of a departed Immortal Alcoholic

Furtheron said...

Unbelievable - I don't understand why people have to do this stuff. There was a reasonable amount of coverage of this in the UK media recently - one thing in the UK now is that it is actually illegal. Whatever people may say about freedom of speech etc.

to wit...

* The Communications Act 2003 governs the internet, email, mobile phone calls and text messaging
* Under section 127 of the act it is an offence to send messages that are "grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character"
* The offence occurs whether those targeted actually receive the message or not

* Communications Act 2003 - Section 127