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Providing non-judgmental and non-criticizing support for family and friends of end-stage alcoholics through one-on-one coaching, support groups, blog posts, workshops and public speaking.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

What it means...

I found this poem on the Alcoholic Family Support page in Facebook. You can find it here:


Written by Bobbie Lee Oney

Loving an alcoholic, 
Means forgetting to love yourself.

Loving an alcoholic,
You lose your sense of nerve. 

Loving an alcoholic, 
Means you're the one who ends up hurt.

Loving an alcoholic,
You'll never get it right.

Loving an alcoholic,
will keep you up most nights.

Loving an alcoholic,
Teaches you'll never win the fight. 

Loving an alcoholic,
You lose your sense of self.

Loving an alcoholic, 
Is it a sacrifice that's worth the fight?

Loving an alcoholic,
The pain, the misery, cruel words. 

Loving an alcoholic, 
Hoping and praying someday he'll be happy enough to let go.

Loving an alcoholic, 
Thinking you're a terrible person that deserves nothing better. 

Loving an alcoholic, 
So many emotions, not enough words.

Just loving an alcoholic and praying someday that 
will be enough for him to let it all go.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can't frankly say I love my alcoholic. I've lost all respect and trust in him so how can I love him? They are essential components of love. I was at the point where I lost all respect and faith in myself, so I decided to reactivate my life again and do the things I love the most. I refuse to whine and enable - that doesn't get anyone anywhere except create a pitiful circle of helplessness. I refuse to be his babysitter or his search and rescue team any more. I am a human being, NOT a human sacrifice for someone who doesn't remember even half the hurt he's caused in the wake of his drunken binges. A month ago, I left him wallowing in his own poop in the bathroom. No, I didn't clean it up, either. He did. I stay only because financially I can't leave. I'm trapped, but believe you me I'm going to make the best of what I've got left. And I have! It's exhilarating, because emotionally I've totally disengaged.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous- so glad that you are changing your mindset! I totally get it. Trapped and feeling like a prisoner is no way to live. I have been feeling lately like I can't believe I've wasted the best years of my life doing this. What was I thinking? I am slowly changing my ways and way of thinking. I am not trapped- I can take care of me. I can do some things that make me happy. I love the idea that you have disengaged emotionally. Liberating! I am working on this. So tired of being angry and feeling betrayed and victimized. Here's to taking care of our own physical and emotional health! ❤️

Ash N said...

I can empathize with this poem completely. At the same time though, it makes me feel both sympathy and empathy for the alcoholic. People don't take to drinking and acting like jerks because it's fun. Their behavior is a reflection of how they're feeling inside. They're suffering with insecurities, regrets, and sorrow that they try to drink away only to make their suffering even worse. While we can't make them change, we want to be able to help them. But "help" is often enabling when we really need to be helping them to see how to adapt by changing their behavior and their thinking. It's a hell of a road for both sides, but I'd rather be me than the alcoholic.