We are all customers...

Riley has been in a nursing home for respite care while I re-charge my batteries. It has been a pretty awesome week for me just to be able to come and go without concern for who is watching after Riley. There has been no need for changing soiled underwear, serving meals or snacks, doing daily laundry or having to be quiet in the early hours of the morning. It’s been great just to be alone in my house.

But the week is over and he is back at home.

The nursing home was clean and there

A post for Rebecca

This post is in response to a comment I received connected to the "Strength in Numbers" that I posted yesterday. I feel that it is important to address this publicly because Rebecca Lambert needs to hear from you. Before reading this post, please read her comment at the link below.

http://immortalalcoholic.blogspot.com/2016/08/strength-in-numbers.html

To Rebecca Lambert – 

Your comment sounds so familiar to me. I can’t tell you how many times Riley has said he would rather be dead than sober. Although he doesn’t believe his addiction will kill him. At least you acknowledge your murderer.

It is commonplace for the loved ones of addicts to

Strength in numbers...

There is strength in numbers. When the numbers consist of parents who have children addicted to drugs or alcohol, the strength becomes super-human.

The is a movement a foot – a wave of angry parents are reaching out to the court systems of Virginia to initiate a change in how drug related cases are handled. They use the State of Ohio as a model of what they hope to create in Virginia. Please click the link below and watch a short video:

 https://www.facebook.com/60minutes/videos/10154114671524395/?autoplay_reason=all_page_organic_allowed&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137

 I’ve been asked to help organize a group of 16 parents who desperately want to help their children. I have accepted the challenge to help the group grow from an idea to a reality.

Many times on this blog, I have stated that I have very little experience with drug addiction. While the basic concept of addiction applies, there is a whole set of facts that are different from alcoholism. Addiction is addiction – I get that. But heroin addiction in a young adult feels (to me) very different from a 57 year old man downing a bottle of vodka and case of beer on a daily basis.

I hate to say this, but alcoholism has become popular. There have been lots of publicity and advertising as well as movies and TV shows, dealing with alcoholism.  It has only been in the past couple of years that we’ve been seeing more about drug addiction, especially heroin. It’s time to make some changes.

Where I live, and in a 50-mile radius, heroin addiction is at epidemic levels with teens and young adults. Everyday I see or hear of a young person losing their life to overdose and “bad batches”. Ironically, as told to me by a local first responder, when the kids hear someone has died from heroin, they want to buy from that same batch/person. The reasoning is that it had to have been some “really good stuff” and they wouldn’t have to use as much.

These kids – young adults and teens – believe they are invincible. They believe they are the immortal addicts because in their drug soaked brains they believe they are smarter. Who are they smarter than? Smarter than the police. Smarter than their parents. Smarter than the EMT’s. Smarter than everyone. The mind set is “I know something you don’t know and I’m not telling you what it is I know.”

While I say that I have very little experience with drug addiction, I have had close encounters. Several close relatives have fought their own battles with drugs. Some of them were successful in their fight and others failed – fatally. So while I haven’t lived in a house with a drug addict, I am familiar with the pain and suffering of the people who love addicts. I’ve seen the look on parents faces as they try to make sense of the death of their baby to something like heroin. I’ve had to turn away family members who bang on my door in the middle of the night because they need money for a fix. I’ve run to the rescue to people who have claimed to be sick but really are “jonesing” for white powder.

Accepting the challenge does not in any way diminish my dedication to the families and friends of alcoholics. I’m just adding a dimension to my causes. I hope my readers will stand by me and continue to help me make a difference to society.

Who is Miss Vodie? What's her resume?

Everyone knows the bad stuff about drinking liquor. But few people really take notice of the history of distilled liquors. Inquiring minds want to know – so I inquired. That is I did some research. There’s a list of reference resources at the end of this post.

The liquor I hear the most about is the one I often refer to as Miss Vodie – or otherwise known as Vodka. It seems like a good place to start.

Vodka is a distilled beverage composed of water and ethanol and sometimes flavored other fruits or sugars. It is made by the distillation from potatoes or rice and very pure water. It can be made from many other kinds of materials such as grain or molasses. It is used to make cocktails such as martinis, Cosmopolitans, Screwdriver, Bloody Mary’s and many other drinks.

The name “Vodka” is from a Slavic work “voda” meaning “little water”. It was recorded for the first time in 1405 in court documents in Poland. At that time it was primarily used for medicines, cosmetics and making gunpowder.

I always thought the homeport of vodka was somewhere in Russia. However, Poland claims to have distilled vodka as early as the 8^th century. That version was more of a crude brandy since it was distilled from wine. So maybe it cannot really be considered a true vodka.

At the end of the 9^th century the first documented production of Russian vodka was reported. During the 14^th century vodka was considered to be the Russian national drink. In the mid 16^th century, Poland and Finland also laid claims as it being their national drink. The first exports of vodka were to Sweden in 1505.

The liquid contained many impurities and many methods were used to “purify” the drink. It was very expensive to produce palatable vodka so distilleries became the exclusive right of the nobility because they were the only ones who could afford the task. By the 18^th century a new system of purifying using charcoal filtration was developed making it less expensive to produce.

Vodka increased in popularity as Russian soldiers introduced the liquor to other parts of Europe during the Napoleonic Wars. The high demand led to the production of lower grade vodka which was produced from distilling potato mash. The availability of the cheaper, mass-produced vodkas began an “epidemic of drunkenness”. Attempts were made to control the situation by enacting a law to make production and distribution of vodka in a Russia as a monopoly.

The name “Vodka” was officially adopted after a standard of technique and a guarantee of quality was attained at the end of the 19^th century.

All private distilleries in Moscow were confiscated after the Russian Revolution. Many Russian vodka makers emigrated taking their skills with them. In Paris, a Russian immigrant named Smirnoff developed a French version of vodka. He partner with another Russian who had relocated to the USA. In 1934 vodka began being produced in the USA. It increased in popularity with Americans by the 1940s. In the 1960s-1970s vodka reached it’s all-time high popularity in the USA.

The vodka boom was greatly due to the change in lifestyles at the time. The more affluent younger generation, relaxed lifestyle, and mix-ability of vodka contributed to its increase in popularity. Martini’s were all the rage and considered to be the drink of exclusive circles and upper class bars.

In the less sophisticated, back country areas there was another kind of vodka brewing. Bathtub vodka or, commonly called “Moonshine”. This can be produced easily and cheaply. It can also be deadly. Severe poisoning leading to blindness and death can occur as the result of drinking this homemade concoction.

During Prohibition Bathtub Vodka was being cooked up in big cities as well as back country. When Prohibition ended, the bathtubs may have returned to providing a place to bathe, but the country moonshine stills continued to prosper. To this day there is an abundance of illegal stills hidden in the countryside.

Vodka can be as much as 40%-50% pure alcohol. It is very easy to over-consume vodka especially when mixed with other juices or mixers. Excessive amounts will inhibit your judgment and decrease fine motor control and coordination. It increases your risk of alcoholism and its associated diseases such as cirrhosis.

I gathered all this information from internet research of various sites. All I really need to know is that it is has been a huge factor in destroying Riley’s life. I don’t blame Miss Vodie or the vodka producing industry. It isn’t vodka’s fault that Riley chooses that liquor to join him in his decline. The fault is hard to establish. I think we’d have to take a look at the entirety of Riley’s life to really determine the fault that led him into alcoholism.

Reference websites: Ginvodka.org; Wikipedia; Livestrong.com

Hot Off the Presses!! Get your Workbook now!!

I’ve been a very busy girl over the past month. I’ve been working on updating the Workbook for Caretakers of End-Stage Alcoholics. It’s now available in a paperback version on Amazon.com. You can get it here:

https://www.amazon.com/Workbook-Caretakers-End-Stage-Alcoholics-communication/dp/1536908614/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1470835244&sr=8-1&keywords=Workbook+for+Caretakers

You can still get the computer version here on the blog, but it will not be available anywhere else – at least for now.

The paperback version has been updated and packed with new information. It is a must have for anyone dealing with an alcoholic. It’s all the information you wished you didn’t need to know.

I use my workbook almost everyday. I keep one for Riley and I can see how he has deteriorated over the past couple of years. When the doctor comes to visit (Yes, our doctor makes house calls – The Visiting Physician’s Association.), he can clearly see how things have changed from one visit to the next.

I also have a workbook for myself. I have altered it in different ways to fit my own health issues. I’m not an alcoholic but I am diabetic. I track all the vital information and my blood sugar levels. My doctor loves it when I give him my charts from the Workbook and sees my improvement.

I will be developing a workbook for non-alcoholics in the very near future.

About two years ago, I asked for, and received, stories from my readers of their own journey through loving an alcoholic. I still have most of them and will be using them to write my next book. You can still contribute if you want by e-mailing me your story to LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com with “story” in the subject line. Identities will be changed to provide anonymity for the contributors. I will also accept stories based on drug addiction.

There is a new book on the market by Wren Waters, titled The Alcoholic Husband Primer: Survival Tips for Wives of Alcoholics. I enjoyed reading this book. It was clear and offered a point of view unique to wives of alcoholics. I highly recommend reading this book. You can get it at:

https://www.amazon.com/Alcoholic-Husband-Primer-Survival-Alcoholics/dp/1533363471/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1470842054&sr=1-1&keywords=Wren+Waters

Another recent book is This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. While I prefer not to get into the business of recommending book dealing primarily with alcoholics rather than families of alcoholics, I thought this one was worth mentioning. This Naked Mind offers a new solution. Annie Grace will open your eyes to the startling role of alcohol in our culture. She psychological, neurological, cultural, social and industry factors creating a must read for anyone who drinks.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0996715002/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0996715002&linkCode=as2&tag=thinakmin-20&linkId=HQBTE4EF5JAY2FYD

I’ll be posting another book review next month. If you have any you’d like to recommend or reviews you’d like published, please e-mail me at LindasFrontPorch@outlook.com with the word “review” in the subject line. 

Hallucinations, agitation and drugs that help

Riley was in the Navy submarine service for more than 25 years. He served aboard the USS Shark which was a sister ship of the USS Scorpion. The Scorpion went down near the Azores and was never recovered. The cause of the event was never exactly determined. But, the crew members of the Shark felt an uncanny connection to those who served and lost their life aboard the Scorpion.

About a year ago, Riley was having severe panic attacks and hallucinations about incidents that happened to him aboard submarines. He was clearly terrified of “going down with the ship.” These dreams, hallucinations, images, whatever, would last for days. There was no sleep because he was screaming out for help. He didn’t know who I was and didn’t understand how I got there.

We tried drugs of all sorts, but nothing was making a dent in giving us some relief. Finally, our nurse practioner found us the answer. She spent hours doing research and had many conversations with our pharmacist. Then she sat down with and explained why nothing had worked so far.

The drugs we had been administering to Riley all had the same chemical components as alcohol.

Please Drink Responsibly

When Patrick Branson contacted me about helping with his upcoming documentary and told me the name "Please Drink Responsibly" I was reminded of the time when Riley argued with me that it was OK for him to drive drunk because he had been doing it for years and nothing bad ever happened. He was insistent that it was not right for anyone else to drive drunk, but it was OK for him because he had experience.  

Please Drink Responsibly is a documentary film produced by Patrick Branson. There is no corporate funding for this film. It exists from donations given by people like me and you. They are at the end of production but do not have enough funds to get it finished. They are so close yet so far.

To donate to this film and get it out there to the public, please contact Patrick Branson by leaving a message or comment on his Facebook page at:

 https://www.facebook.com/JohnnyTragedy/about?section=contact-info&pnref=about

As family and friends of alcoholics and alcoholics, we all know how important it is for films like this to be aired. Please join with me in making it happen.

The state of sobriety

There was a full moon on Wednesday night. I admired how bright and shiny it was with its ability to light up my entire yard. Intellectually I know that the moon only appears white because it is reflecting the light here on earth. Still, I revel in its beauty and can almost feel the magical power emanating from the shine.

I could use some magical power these days. Riley has not been feeling well. Besides not feeling well, he is having a difficult time communicating with the nurse about his pain. Often times he simply says that he just feels yucky in general then will yell out in pain a few minutes later. Ask him where it hurts – his answer is on his entire right side. If I had magic powers I would just wave my wand and be able to see his pain.

Often I will say something to a person about Riley no longer drinking. Everyone oooos and ahhhhs about how his sobriety is wonderful. I’m told that I should at least be grateful for the lack of alcohol. I know they mean well. I smile and nod.

Back in the day, if Riley had quit drinking and was still able to maintain a quality life, I would be

Longing for the good old days

I watched Riley check out what was on his dinner plate. I said each item aloud. But there was not a glimmer of recognition of what this plate represented. Back in the day – before there was a baby and before Miss Vodka encroached upon our lives – we were just a struggling couple trying to make ends meet. When Riley landed a new job with a great salary, I wanted to celebrate by fixing him a special dinner. I only had a couple of dollars in my pocket so I got creative.

A while back, our neighbor had given us a can of pink salmon because she had no idea what it was or how to prepare it. I gladly took the can and knew exactly what it would become. I check the panty and found some saltines, green onions and the usual seasonings. I had everything I needed to create Salmon Patties.

Crazy vs UTI

Yes, they are crazy when they are filled to the brim with toxic liquid. But, if you notice your alcoholic person to be a bit more crazy than usual, there may be an additional cause. Urinary Tract Infections (UTI’s) can also be the cause of crazy.

Most UTIs are caused from a bacterial infection called Escherichia coli (E.coli) which makes it’s home in the bowels. They are more common in women than in men. Symptoms include frequent and intense urgency to urinate with a painful, burning feeling. The condition is resolved with a course of antibiotics.

Well – that sounds simple enough. And it is simple for the normal healthy person. But when dealing with a person with a compromised immune system and already in a weakened physical state, it’s a bit more complicated.

I promise you can trust me

I grew up in a family where trust was not an issue. I trusted almost everyone in my family to a point where I could be classified as gullible. It just never dawned on me that people close to me would lie to me or hurt me in any way. I came from a loving, trusting home and I saw no reason not to extend that trust to the outside world.

Of course, all that trust meant I was an easy target in the school yard. Promises were often broken and as well as my heart. But, hey, it was the school yard and childhood isn’t often as carefree and wonderful as it would seem. Kids are cruel. They don’t really mean to be, it’s just that all the filters have not developed yet and there is no self-control.

The neighbors are talking...

First off, to those of you who wrote and sent condolences to Carrot – It was NOT her son who died. However, she appreciates all your encouraging thoughts and prayers.

“What you think of me is none of my business.” As the wife of an alcoholic, I can tell you that I never had time to think much about what the neighbors were thinking. I felt that people who spent time gossiping about me or my family had way too much time on their hands.

When my son, Brian, died an alcohol-related death, it took me years to be able to say out loud that he was an alcoholic. I also could not vocalize his name. I would say it over and over in my head, but I didn’t want to hear his name come out of my mouth. When my grandson was born and was named after his uncle, I could only say “Baby Brian” but never just “Brian”. My grandson is six years old and he still lives with “Baby Brian.”

One last thing...

On June 9^th, 2014, I posted a video about what to do if you have a child who is an alcoholic. My point was that parents must do everything they can and then do just one more thing. You can find the video here: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7SxUgj5YnU

Yesterday, my heart sister (a woman so close to me that in my heart she is truly my sister), did one more thing for her son. It was one of the most unpleasant things she has ever done.

Early in 1991, a boy baby was born to this couple who had tried desperately to begin a family. I was there when she was told she was actually pregnant. I was one of the second to know (the first being the expectant father) that the fetus was viable and she would carry to full term. However, I could not be there when this sweet boy made his debut on earth. My father was ill and I had to move 3,000 miles away.

Stress -- A ticket to an ER Resort

Off and on over the past year, I’ve had intestinal issues. I would get sick for a day and then get better. Once I felt more “normal” I would simply forget about the brief encounter with an uncomfortable tummy and go about my caretaking duties.

A couple of Sundays ago, I woke up in such pain that I could hardly move around. I couldn’t possibly take care of Riley because I couldn’t even stand up. I called hospice to see about getting some help and they immediately found a bed for him in a nursing home. I thought I would just rest and go with the sickness to let it work itself out. After all, I thought, it is probably just a flu bug going around. I spent that Sunday on the sofa with a barf bag and the porta potty close by.

Hi, Can I help you?

The below post was a written by a young lady (21 years of age) when asked to write about a life incident for her English class. This is a wonderful description of a child of an alcoholic father. Even children raised in a single parent home without alcohol, eventually want to know the reason they had a missing parent. And, eventually, that missing parent will have to atone for his/her actions or lack of actions.

Thank you, Mary Grace for this posting!

"Hi, Can I Help You?"

It was so dark and cold. I couldn't stop counting the drops that hit my windshield. 7,8,9,10,11....constantly missing one, I would restart counting. I didn't want to focus on anything else while on my way to see him. Counting the drops helped keep my head calm. Although, it also helped me nearly get into a car crash. I should pay more attention at what's in front of me. Like the whole slew of cars during this bitch of a rainstorm. Nearly four years it was since I last saw him. Four years since I had last saw his boney frame and unchanged, soiled clothing. Four years since I thought this world was just compiled of shit and dirt. And four years since I couldn't wait for him to be taken away, to see what life is like without him.

Maybe he had changed or maybe he was still drinking away the tiniest bit of man he had left. Hoping he would remain the drunk he always was, I pulled up to the house he supposedly was squatting in. Remembering the address I read on the restraining order documents, I couldn't stop repeating the numbers to myself. Stomach twisted, I walked up to the house. I looked at what, essentially, resembled who and what my dad was. A mangy, dirty, and neglected structure. Hesitantly knocking on "his" door, I found nor heard my dad or anyone for that matter. Panic had set in. I felt pissed off. Those feelings were not foreign when dealing with this man. Of course he wasn't at this house. Of Course He Wasn't There. He never was, why would he be now!

I heard a voice from across the street, my father's neighbor. I instantly felt a need to apologize to this man for witnessing any scenes my father may have caused.

" You looking for Mike? Who the fuck might you be?" Impressed by how eloquently this sloppy 5 foot man spoke to me, I responded, "I'm an old friend, is he here or not? Is he even alive?" Continuing to address me in a lazy but non-welcoming manner, he mentioned how "terrible" and "disgusting" Mike's daughters and wife were. He proceeded to say "they abandoned that poor man and I helped get his life back." I'm not sure what irked me more, hearing him utter the words "poor man" or "abandoned." I no longer saw a sloppy, 5 foot man. I saw a cockroach. A cockroach who wanted a pat on the back for enabling another cockroach. I saw a cockroach who wanted recognition to distract from the inevitable trauma he caused in his life. However, this cockroach spewed one piece of significant information, my father's current address.

Anxiously getting back in my car, I thought to get out and smash that cockroach. I wasn't anxious because I feared that man. I wasn't scared. My anxiety was caused by the comforting thought of me smashing his face in.

Perhaps, there was one thing I was terrified of-- the possibility of my father's sobriety and finally obtaining an honest heart.

Creeping down his street slowly, I looked at the house numbers. I wasn't sure what to do now. I couldn't believe I would see him after this long.

Screaming, crying, and violently attacking him was one option.

Screaming, crying, and hugging him was another.

Or maybe I could just scream, cry, turn around and never entertain this field trip again.

My nerves had consumed me. I was a goner. I was not strong.

I finally arrived.

Let's get out. This is what you drove nearly an hour to do. Just do it.

Almost forgetting I brought my family dog for the trip, I kissed his head and sighed. I couldn't say why I brought him. Maybe I wanted to comfort my dad with seeing a part of what he used to have. Or possibly I brought him for my sake.

I remember feeling so isolated from the real world. I remember the feeling of discomfort when walking up to knock on his door.

I had lost myself in thought while knocking. All the possibilities racing through my head. Knuckles sore from knocking so much, I finally heard foot steps.

A young woman and her mother had answered the door.

I am dead.

He replaced us. We weren't good for him. He found something better. Fucking asshole, I hate you.

"Hi...uh....can I help you?" the young woman had confusingly spoken. Equally confused, I replied with, "Hi, I'm sorry, but does a 'Michael H***' live here?"

She made a face. A certain face. A very, very familiar face. She seemed embarrassed to say he was with them. She sent a vibe.

He was a burden for them.

The mother or daughter didn't have a close relationship with him. He wasn't a father nor someone's significant other. Michael P. H*** was a burden for these two.

As the two women walked away to get him, I tightened my jaw and stood tall.

Fuck. I hear his voice. He sounds so brittle and weathered.

Smiling from ear to ear, he welcomed me, " Hi, can I help you? I'm not sure who you are..."

Once again, I am dead.

I felt sick to my stomach. " Dad, it's me, Mary Grace...I'm your daughter"

His face went white. For once, he had made an appropriate expression and felt some emotion. I was a ghost from his past. He grabbed my arms gently and looked at my face for a while.

I felt his eyes and brain scanning me.

My dad never wanted to be a part of our lives. True love from a paternal figure was never shown to me or my sisters. He stayed in the garage, smoking and drinking, while we were awarded MVP for a school sport.

He stayed in the garage missing our talent and growth while complete strangers witnessed it.

My father, Michael P H***, was never meant for this life he abandoned so long ago. I love Michael P H*** for the person he was supposed to be. That is the extent of that.

I will never have a father. But I also will never be a size 0 in jeans. It will never be easy, I know this. But I have my whole life to accept and welcome that feeling. I have my whole life to share that feeling with people who have shown me true love. To those people: I love you.

Alcoholics as parents

Linda’s Place Recovery Center has been moved to the back burner for now. Due to time constraints, I was unable to market the campaign as it needed to be done. I also need to find an assistant who will eventually take my place as the leader when I can no longer do so. If anyone is interested in a volunteer position as my assistant, please contact me.

On to other things…

I received a comment from Anonymous that needs some clarification. I always hesitate to respond to comments that are anonymous especially when they clearly indicate that they have not read my book or very many of the blog postings.

My kids “went along like nothing happened” is misleading. They simply lived their life and did not let their father interfere with their friendships or many of their activities. They didn’t put their head in the sand and say --- “OH NO! Not MY father!” They were aware and we had many discussions about alcoholism.

Their father was not violent, mean or abusive towards them. The worst abusive thing he was is just to be absent – physically and emotionally. Due to being a submarine sailor, he was gone to sea more than 50% of the time. I lived my life and raised my kids as though I was a single mom even when Riley was present. It’s what worked for me.

My kids faced the same ordeals as any other young person during that time period. Just like any other kid, they had to make choices and sometimes they made the wrong ones. But, again just like other kids, they learned from their mistakes.

Brian was a 40-year old man when he began abusing alcohol. By the time he turned 44 he was dead. Yes, I believe there were circumstances that led to the alcoholism. I believe he had some “internal turmoil” but it was not due to his childhood. I, as well as the entire family, know where and when the turmoil started. I will not share those details here on this blog.

Alcohol is not an issue for my daughter. It’s simple, she doesn’t drink in excess. She doesn’t associate with people who abuse alcohol. She has no space for alcohol or alcoholism in her life. I stand up and applaud my daughter for her chosen direction.

Do I wish she would take over for me if I need her to help out with any of my projects? Absolutely NOT. Of course it would be nice, but I’m glad she has no need, no interest, and no desire to stand on the same soap box as me. It means she is not alcohol involved. You have no idea how happy that makes me.

In my opinion most people live with the idea that ALL alcoholics are terrible parents from the very beginning. I’m not an ALL or NOTHING kind of person. Usually alcoholism is a gradual disease and doesn’t immediately take away the ability to parent properly. Parenting skills will gradually diminish as the alcoholism continues to take its course. It’s up to the non-drinking parent to monitor and scrutinize the ability of the drinking parent. It’s up the non-drinking parent to determine how much parenting the alcoholic can manage without hurting the kids. It’s the responsibility of the non-drinking parent to remove the children from the presence of an abusive parent – alcoholic or not.

We are not all fortunate to have the funds to simply walk away on a moment’s notice. It takes planning and saving and preparing for the day that it will become a necessity. Some people never even start to prepare because they do not believe that day will ever come. Often these bright-eyed, cheery, optimists end up in desperate situations.

Here’s the point – I think.

If you are married to an alcoholic and have children, live like a single parent. Do not expect anything from your alcoholic and you will not be disappointed. Plan and do things on your own with the kids. If the alcoholic chooses to participate, be aware of his mental status before including him or her. Monitor the atmosphere between the alcoholic and the kids. Listen to your gut – it’s usually right.

Young and Restless

I’ve been watching the Young and the Restless ever since it’s very first episode back in March of 1973. The only reason I watched it was because my best friend was at my house and she was a big soap opera fan.  Not me. I had two small children and felt that I didn’t have time for such a frivolous thing as sitting down to my TV everyday at a particular time.

In spite of that, I found myself getting to know the Brooks and Foster families and all the intertwined drama they produced. I started feeding my kids lunch just a little earlier and putting them down for naps just before the program started. That way I could watch without interruption. I was hooked. I could feel myself becoming a part of this Genoa City community.

Katherine Chancellor was introduced into Young and Restless in November 1973 as a wealthy alcoholic socialite. It was the first of what would be a long-standing exposure as to the effects alcohol can have on a person’s life. The producers have continued throughout the years to increase awareness of how alcoholism can ruin a person’s life.

I applaud the writers and producers of this show for their continuing efforts. However, I feel an entire segment of Genoa City’s population has been overlooked.  That is the effect of alcoholism on those who love the alcoholic. Here is a perfect venue to make the invisible collateral damage less invisible and they have dropped the ball.

Of course, a soap opera is not a soap opera without dysfunctional families and Genoa City has more than their fair share. Top of the mark would be the Newman family with the alcoholic mother married to a man who seems to constantly confuse his children with business co-workers. Maybe if Victor were less inclined to fix all problems with buying solutions and pay more personal attention, the family would have more of a chance to find peace. While Victor and the kids all say they are worried about Nicky’s drinking, I see them covering up and lying in order to protect her from herself.

Then we have the perfect candidate for showing how the family is affected when we look at the Winters’ family. Neal’s daughter babies him and protects him like he was her child instead of her father. Yet, I have yet to see anyone take Lily aside and explain to her that her father’s alcoholism belongs to him and he must be the one who does something about it. There are ways she can help him, but she cannot take his alcoholism away. Lily tries to find reasons for her father’s drinking and if she can solve the “reason” she can solve the problem. I would say to Lily, “Your father drinks because he is an alcoholic and that’s what alcoholics do.” I would tell her that to believe anything else is just giving him an excuse to drink.

The family dynamics in the circle of an alcoholic are not clearly depicted in the alcoholism story lines of the show. There is an opportunity for the writers to establish one with the creation of Jack and Neal’s newly founded association for addicted persons. I’ll be interested to see how this plays out.

Also, we have yet to see (unless I missed it during those years when I was without DVR and working) an alcoholic become end-stage. An end-stage story line would help so many people who are struggling with alcohol. It would help many family members know what is ahead of them. Of course, actually viewing what end-stage is really like may not be appealing to the masses. Maybe the masses could use a little eye-opening.

What it means...

I found this poem on the Alcoholic Family Support page in Facebook. You can find it here:

https://www.facebook.com/Alcoholic-Family-Support-403092026505563/?fref=ts

Written by Bobbie Lee Oney

Loving an alcoholic, 
Means forgetting to love yourself.

Loving an alcoholic,
You lose your sense of nerve. 

Loving an alcoholic, 
Means you're the one who ends up hurt.

Loving an alcoholic,
You'll never get it right.

Loving an alcoholic,
will keep you up most nights.

Loving an alcoholic,
Teaches you'll never win the fight. 

Loving an alcoholic,
You lose your sense of self.

Loving an alcoholic, 
Is it a sacrifice that's worth the fight?

Loving an alcoholic,
The pain, the misery, cruel words. 

Loving an alcoholic, 
Hoping and praying someday he'll be happy enough to let go.

Loving an alcoholic, 
Thinking you're a terrible person that deserves nothing better. 

Loving an alcoholic, 
So many emotions, not enough words.

Just loving an alcoholic and praying someday that 

will be enough for him to let it all go.

Show me the money for all this fun

Someone close to me has said something to the affect of “caretaking Riley really isn’t very hard.” It was inferred that I am only doing this for the money. The first thing that came to my mind was “What money?”

First of all, I’m not a nurse. I hate doing anything that even resembles nursing. That includes taking care of Riley. There isn’t enough money anywhere to make caretaking him a pleasant experience.

When I was 12 years old, I helped in the caretaking of my grandmother. I loved her dearly. She was my “go to” person and I loved spending time with her. My duties were to take her the bedpan and then empty it. Make sure she has water, snacks and anything else she needed to keep her comfortable. I didn’t mind doing it because it made her happy. But, it awakened me to the fact that I didn’t want a career in nursing. My aunt offered to pay for my entire college education if I went into nursing. I declined the offer in favor of attending fashion design school.

What! No family program?

I want to vent a little bit today. Just a little bit, I promise.

I received a very pleasant e-mail from a person who represents a drug and alcohol rehab center. The nice lady on the phone said they wanted to see if possibly they could be a guest poster on this blog.

I checked out their website and I loved the concept of their program. It was not your run of the mill rehab where the client is showered with lots of AA and then sent on their way. They have a very viable alternative to the standard rehab center. I commend them for that. Can you guess what my one big objection might be?

Where’s the family program? There are all these wonderfully inventive things for the addicted person, but I saw absolutely nothing for the family. I was disappointed because I thought they could have used that creativity to expand their current programs to those who have been left in the peripheral damage zone of the addicted person.

I brought this issue up to the lady on the phone and she said she would discuss it with the owner of the facility and get back to me.  I won’t sit by the phone and wait for what probably will not happen.

Vent over. Well… maybe…

Workbook for Caretakers

I was just notified by one of my readers that after purchasing the Workbook for Caretakers of End Stage Alcoholics, she did NOT receive a link for the download of the actual book. If you purchased this and did not receive it --- PLEASE, let me know so I can get one to you. ASAP. Contact me at LindaWrites@live.com or ImmortalAlcoholic@gmail.com.

I apologize that you did not get your copy. I wasn't aware that the system was not working properly.

Thanks,

Linda

Surviving the alcoholic's addiction

Do you know how long it takes for the brain to be alcohol toxin free after an alcoholic quits drinking?

Do you understand the legal ramifications of staying married to an alcoholic?

Do you have a safe place to escape when things get heated at your house?

Have you a support system when you just need to vent?

Linda’s Place will provide all these things for anyone who is battling the dilemma of staying or moving on. It is a recovery center for families and friends of alcoholics. This is not just a glorified Al-Anon center. However, Al-Anon will be invited to hold meetings at the center. This center is a place of education, support and resources.

At Linda’s Place you will find on-going

Parallel Race

This week marks the end of any extra help in caretaking Riley. About a week ago I received a call from our Veterans Administration social worker and was told that they were assigning me 12 hours a week from a personal care aide. The very next day I received another call from the same social worker that my 12 hours had been taken back because the VA has discontinued the program that gives that benefit to any veteran who does not have a service related disability. I will have no aide, no respite time, and the visiting nurses paid for by Medicare are at their end of time. We have physical therapy and occupational therapy for another week. Then I’m on my own.

Riley has improved under the direction of the PT and OT. He can now get out of the bed and into his wheelchair. He can also get to the shower and have a real chance to clean up. I should be happy for him. He can do those things but requires

Alcoholic Shades of Gray

After receiving a comment from a reader, I thought a bit of clarification might be in order. Let me see how I can explain this.

I am a senior woman and I own a black dog. Not all black dogs are owned by senior women. Not all seniors own a dog. Not all women own dogs. Not all seniors are women and not all women are seniors. Does that make sense?

I do not believe that all people who drink alcohol are alcoholics. Not all people who get drunk occasionally are alcoholics. If you have a drink after work or wine with dinner, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are an alcoholic.

I asked Riley to tell me what an alcoholic looks like. After all, who would know better than a self-professed alcoholic? He replied that if you

Can dreams come true?

In my disappointment of rehab centers to provide quality family programs, I mentioned that there should be a recovery center just for that segment of people. I got an overwhelming positive response to my idea. That response got me to thinking that maybe this was something I could do. So I started doing research.

How does an individual without funds and not-so-great credit get the funding necessary to even begin such a project? I asked a friend with a thriving business to give me some pointers. He suggested crowdfunding to get the funds to get started with the basics. Once I have the basics, he suggested fundraiser activities, such as seminars, dinners, etc. Then once I am an actual working business to make the business non-profit to be eligible for grants. The key, says my friend, is in the marketing and to do marketing I will need the crowdfunding money. Makes sense to me. This idea is starting to sound possible.

The next step is to write up a business plan. I got a great template from SCORE and started filling it out. This is where I needed to know what the recovery center would offer and how people would pay for the services. I know what I would like, but that may not be possible at this time.

My dream family recovery center would offer several types of programs. First, there would be an in-house, residential, stay of four or five days. This program would include group and individual